UPJOKE
gridlockhighwaytrafficroad rageroaddual carriagewaysnarl-uproad pricingjamsfreewayexpresswaymotorwaythoroughfarejamlanes

Traffic Jam Jokes

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks,
"What's going on?"


"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fir...

There's a major traffic jam all through DC

All through Washington DC all traffic comes to a full stop...after many minutes people start getting out of their cars and talking. Before too long a guy starts walking car to car collecting donations, so I flag the guy down and ask him what the heck is going on! He explains there's been a major te...

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time.

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pro...

What did the goose say in the traffic jam?

HONK!!!!! HONK!!!!!

Oh No! Not ELON!

Man is driving along the freeway when he is stopped by a huge traffic jam.

After sitting there for quite a long time, he sees another man walking from car-to-car.

The second man finally gets up to his car. He rolls down the window....

"Hey man, what's going on up ahead?"
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats something you can say in a traffic jam and during sex?

"I better call my wife and tell her I'm gonna be home late"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are there so many traffic jams

But no traffic peanutbutter?

A woman found herself in a traffic jam...

on the freeway in Washington DC. Traffic was locked up for over an hour when she saw some men walking towards her car carrying buckets. She leaned out of her window and asked them what was going on up ahead. The men explained that terrorists had taken over the capitol and they were holding Congress...

Did you hear about the depressed traffic jam?

It was really bummer-to-bummer.

What do British people do when there is a traffic jam at a roundabout?

They form a Q.

A friend of mine is dating a woman he met during a traffic jam.

"She was in the car ahead of me," he said, "and I accidentally stepped on the gas when I meant to hit the brake."

"Did you rear-end her?" I asked.

"Well, yeah, but not until the third date."

There is a large traffic jam in Washington DC

A man gets caught in a huge traffic jam in DC. While sitting motionless on the road a man approaches him on foot. The man rolls down his window and asks what’s going on.

“The whole capitol is in chaos, armed men have stormed the Capitol Building and are holding congress hostage, they say they...

I really don't understand why people like traffic jams...

But apparently they are lining up for it.

Why do they call it a traffic jam?

Because no one's jelly

A driver is stuck on a highway in a massive traffic jam.

He sees two guys approach his vehicle.

"A few criminals managed to tie up all of the major politicians. They have threatened to light them up with gasoline if they can't get $1,000,000 in the next 24 hours. We're asking for donations."

The driver responds "What are most people donating...

What do cars put on their toast?

Traffic jam.

Whats the worst kind of jam for breakfast?

Traffic jam

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Camel joke (take 2)

A wealthy London business man had been doing business in Saudi. His Saudi associate was so pleased with his work he decided to send him a camel as a special gift. The man woke up one morning at his home in Central London and found a camel tied up in the front yard with a note of appreciation tied ar...

What is a car's favourite food?

Traffic jam!

What do you call a traffic jam full of trucks in Wisconsin?

A cheesy pickup line.

What happened when the strawberry attempted to cross the road?

There was a traffic jam

A Smuckers truck blew up in front of me today

I got stuck in a horrible traffic jam

A truck carrying fruits accidentally spilled them all over the expressway

It caused a traffic jam

What’s the worst jelly to put on your sandwich?

Traffic Jam

**My daughter read me this from her Gogurt wrapper. My answer was Toe Jam.

On the freeway, a truck spilled its cargo of strawberries, which were then crushed by the cars followed behind.

Caused a traffic jam.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the idiot put peanut butter on the road?

To go with the traffic jam!

Why did the guy throw jelly into the street?

He wanted to create a traffic jam.



(yes I know that they are different substances)

What do you get when you get 10 cars and a ton of sugar and you put it in a blender?

You get a load of traffic jam

An 18-wheeler spilled a load of strawberry preserves on the interstate today

It was a real traffic jam

Did anyone know what happened to that passion fruit truck crash yesterday?

It caused traffic jam.

Billy was very proud of his new car.

He was driving back home after striking a great deal with the salesman. As he neared the intersection, a grey Toyota crashed into his car at a high speed. He was furious, as he knew he had the right of way. He was about to let loose a barrage of four letter words at the other driver, when a gorge...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar...

...and see one old friend looking depressed at a table. Wondering what is happening, he greets him.

\- Dude what's up?

\- You won't believe what's happening to me. Two weeks ago, someone broke into my car and stole my brand new radio.

\- Any damage to the car?

\- Not a...

What do you call a group of cars playing instruments?

A Traffic Jam

What's on a toast that got run over by a car?

Traffic Jam

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Here's a collection of the best/worst dad jokes I know.

"When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I had to put my foot down."

"Why are skeletons always so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin."

"What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care."

"Why can't T rexes clap their hands...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Green Gnome [NSFW]

A man goes to an adult super store in search of a new and exciting toy to please his wife. He asks the store owner if he has anything special. The store owner shows him what he refers to as The Magic Green Gnome, but it's very expensive. The man decides that there is no price too steep for his wife'...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.