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Total Loss Jokes

I heard bad news on the way over here:the Donald Trump Presidential Library was just destroyed by fire, and, tragically, both books were a total loss.

Worse yet, he hasn't finished coloring the second one.

Did you hear the Mississippi governor’s mansion burned down?

It was a total loss. Clear down to the axles.

A semi truck full of Ramen noodle caught fire today and the whole shipment was considered ruined

The total loss came out to be $73

Two men are waiting for appointments with their insurance claims adjuster.

They chat and learn they have a common bond. The first one says "My restaurant was wiped out by a fire, everything inside was wrecked."

The second one says "Mine was taken out by a flood, total loss too."

The first one thinks a bit then asks "How do you start a flood?"

Insurance money

This is a true story. Stop me if you've heard it before.

Two guys are sitting on the beach, enjoying the tropical environs, sipping their fancy drinks and watching the sun set over the beautiful blue sea.

1st man: Man this is the life.2nd man: Yup, it sure is.

1st: Mind if I...

Did you hear about the fire at the cheese factory?

Nearly a total loss... All that was left was de-brie.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

20-Year double-blind university study in Sweden on the effects of diet on sex drive

Have you heard about this new study?

Researchers in Sweden tracked 2,000 couples from the moment they first started dating out to twenty (20) years forward.

Obviously, most of the couples ended up getting divorced, but their behavior and health was still tracked throughout the study....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man has been going to the doctor trying to make his penis larger

One day he is on his way to see this doctor when he loses control of his car and gets into a major accident

The car is claimed as a total loss and he is rushed to the hospital where he is pronounced dead

Thankfully, with hours of trying, the doctors are able to resuscitate him but he r...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy wakes up with a gorilla in his tree.

He looks at it and knows that he can't just leave it there for the day. So he calls the cops and says "There's a gorilla in my tree! Get rid of it!" The officer on the line says "Oh, that's an Animal Control problem." So the guy calls up Animal Control. "Hey, I got a gorilla in my tree! You gotta co...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joe visits his favorite museum's new exhibit.

Joe was on his way to his favorite museum. The museum had announced a new exhibit and he was extremely excited to be one of the first people to ever see it, since he got some early access tickets. When he got there, there were about 12 other people who had also gotten a ticket for today, so he assum...

The fishing trip

A grandfather and grandson are away on a fishing trip. They get up early in the morning and go out in the boat. They manage to catch a few nice sized bass before going in for breakfast.

While eating breakfast the boy turns to his grandfather and says, "Grandpa, these plates are kind of dirty....

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