UPJOKE
existoccurcomebeexistentialamn'tan'taren'tabeexistenti'mwasthectareso'sbeeth

In a libertarian society, would there be vending machines selling heroin on the sidewalk right outside of elementary schools?

Of course not! For starters, there wouldn't be any sidewalks.

And God said: "Let there be vodka"

And He saw that it was good.

Then God said, "Let there be light!"

And then He said, "Whoa - too much light!"

And God said “let there be light”

Then on the 30th day, he received his bill and yelled…

“Turn the damn thing off when you leave the room”.

What will there be when USA is gone?

USB

In the beginning there was nothing. God said "Let there be light!"

There was still nothing, but now you could see it.

How much space will there be in the EU after Brexit?

1 GB

Why can’t there be two wharfs in the same spot?

It would make a pair a’ docks.....needs some work

Why won't there be any Russian female presidents?

Because Putin isn't female

Will there be 4G coverage on Mars?

Sadly it'll only be 0.4g.

In the beginning God said let there be...

The chicken and the egg but I won’t tell you which one I made first.

Will there be women in Heaven?

I ask because it is written;
And when he had opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven about the space of half an hour. – Revlation 8:1.

Yo momma's so fat and old when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mother to move out of the way.

Yo momma's so fat and old when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mother to move out of the way.

Should there be more books in prison?

I think the cons outweigh the prose.

And God said, "Let there be light"...

..and American beer turned into water. And it was bad.

Will there be fried foods in heaven?

Of course! God has a pan for each of us

TIL J. Cole robbed a bank and was never caught despite there being several witnesses

When police sketch artists asked witnesses for a description of the robber they said he had no features.

The Lord of the Manor had a butler called Wibble, One day he called Wibble and said, “What about running my bath Wibble.”

“Certainly , will there be anything else my lord?” said Wibble.

“Yes Wibble, what about my dressing gown.”

“Certainly , will there be anything else my lord?”

“Yes Wibble, what about my carpet slippers.”

“Certainly , will there be anything else my lord?”

“No Wibble,...

A pirate goes to the doctor and say, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh."

The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign."

Pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl invites her boyfriend to dinner to meet her family

It's the girl's grandmother's birthday and the whole family sits down for dinner. Things are going well until the boy starts to feel a little gassy and realizes he has to pass a little gas. He adjusts himself on the wooden chair and squeaks out a barely audible fart. His girlfriend's mom looks down ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A reclusive cowboy goes into town one day to fix his tools.

Whilst waiting for the job to be completed he goes next door to the saloon and sits himself at the bar.

Bartender: “How can I help you today sir”

Cowboy: “I want a whiskey and a women”

Bartender: “I sure can help you with that whiskey Sir, but we ain’t got no women workin’ today...

Me: I’m just saying if you’re head over heels in love you could just be standing there because your head is normally over your heels.

Cupid: Yeah well I appreciate you applying for the job and we’ll keep your resume on file.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.