And God said “let there be light”

Then on the 30th day, he received his bill and yelled…

“Turn the damn thing off when you leave the room”.

What will there be when USA is gone?

USB

In the beginning there was nothing. God said "Let there be light!"

There was still nothing, but now you could see it.

Why can’t there be two wharfs in the same spot?

It would make a pair a’ docks.....needs some work

How much space will there be in the EU after Brexit?

1 GB

Why won't there be any Russian female presidents?

Because Putin isn't female

Will there be 4G coverage on Mars?

Sadly it'll only be 0.4g.

In the beginning God said let there be...

The chicken and the egg but I won’t tell you which one I made first.

Yo momma's so fat and old when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mother to move out of the way.

Yo momma's so fat and old when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mother to move out of the way.

Should there be more books in prison?

I think the cons outweigh the prose.

And God said, "Let there be light"...

..and American beer turned into water. And it was bad.

Why can't there be a League of Legend's team of 5 Lucians?

Because you can't have a team with only 3 champions.

Will there be fried foods in heaven?

Of course! God has a pan for each of us

Why can't there be some sort of mathematic formula for making friends?

A squadratic formula, if you will.

Me: I’m just saying if you’re head over heels in love you could just be standing there because your head is normally over your heels.

Cupid: Yeah well I appreciate you applying for the job and we’ll keep your resume on file.

A pirate walks into his favorite bar with a roll of paper towels on his head

The bartender says " What's with the paper towels Skipper? "

The pirate says " Arr, there be a bounty on me head "

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Retired US Marine...

... had decided, that he had enough. So he goes, gets a rowboat and goes rowing towards Atlantic Ocean chanting: "1 2 3 Marine Corps, Marine Corps".

God sees this and goes:"Huh, this guy wants to die, it seems. Well I am going to be a dong and make him die in a most roundabout way"

S...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Good news bad news

Guy goes in to see his doctor and the doctor says “I’ve got good news and bad news. “
Guy says” well gimme the bad news first”
Doc says “You’ve only got three months to live. “
Guy says “wow! How could there be any good news after that. “
Doc says “Well you see that young pretty nurse in...

Jack, a renown atheist, dies and to his utter surprise ends up in hell where he's greeted by Satan himself. Completely shocked he talks to the devil and says: "Welp, I've been wrong all my life and I guess I'm now to pay the price for my lack of faith". Satan laughs and replies: Awh it's not so bad.

He then proceeds to escort Jack through a beautiful lush green plain with flowers, scattered here and there there's a bunch of houses where other "damned" live. As they pass through each house the inhabitants recognize Satan and invite them inside for a drink and a chat, a request that's always gran...

One day the teacher asks the class:

“If i threw a rock at the 9 birds sitting on the fence and took 4 of them down. How many birds would there be left?”

The whole class answers five except one student. He says “No Ms. Brown. There would be 0 because the others would fly away.”

Teacher gets impressed and says “I like your...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.