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Theatric Jokes

I used to be a theatrical electrician

We had a joke that went:

How tall is an electrician?
Beats me, I never saw one stand up.

I'm performing in a theatrical production of the dictionary this weekend

Its a play on words..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

I have achieved my life's goal of writing an entire theatrical performance made up entirely of puns.

It's a play on words.

A soldier shows up for military training, but realizes he forgot to bring his gun.

The sergeant hands him a stick and gestures to the training field.

"You'll have to use this, soldier. If you need to shoot someone, just aim your stick at them and shout 'Bangity bang-bang'. If someone gets too close to you, poke them in the gut with it as though it was a bayonette and shout ...

Where do theatrical cats wear their gloves?

On their...




Dramatic Paws

I'm planning to put on a theatrical performance about puns.

I like producing word plays.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bono and u2 were performing at a gig in scotland

And as you all will know, bono is a cause celebre for all sorts of charity aid, world peace, ending hunger, heal the world etc that sort of thing. He jets around the world having concerts and all that for the benefit of others and frequently raises this at his concerts.

He begins this concert...

An imam, a priest and a rabbi are having a discussion about what they do with the money they receive from worshippers.

The priest explains his process: « the way I do things is very simple. First, I take a big piece of chalk and draw a circle around myself. After that I take the money in my hands, throw it up in the air and what falls inside the circle is for me while all the money that falls outside is for the Lor...

The class had to write a short, rhyming, two-lines poem as homework.

Lisa stands up and proudly recites :



*Yesterday, my Dad and I we went to town*

*And I got a nice blue bike of my own.*



"That's a lovely poem, Lisa!" says the teacher.

Now it's Timmy's turn. He stands up and recites theatrically :



*When octob...

Some puns

•    How does Moses make tea ?   Hebrews it. 


•    England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

   
•    They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo. 

   
•    I changed my iPod's name to Titanic.  It's syncing now. 

   
•    I know a guy ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A friend told me about his trip out with his grandson.

This is what he said. "Last week, I took my grandchildren to a restaurant. My 6 year-old grandson asked if he could say grace."

As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food and I would thank you even more if Grandpa gets us ice cream for dessert. And ...

My 7 year old daughters new favourite joke..

Daughter - Mum, will you always and forever remember my name?

Me - Yes.....?

Daughter - knock, knock..

Me - who's there?

Daughter - you said you'd always remember my name!

(Daughter walks off in a theatrical sulk.
It's been a week.. I still fall for it almost da...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr. President and Jared Kushner visit Putin

Mr. President and Jared are visiting Putin for some campaign strategy. They have a nice chat over coffee, but both Trump and Jared have hard time concentrating as they are mesmerized by their host's beautiful sterling spoons. Jared manages to slip one of the spoons into his pocket, which makes Trump...

There was once a military submarine called the Word Sub.

When the submarine was built, they couldn't come up with a name for it. Eventually, the crew was instructed to call the submarine "any word they want". The believed it would be funny to name the sub something mundane, so they began to refer to it simply as the "Word Sub".

As the Word Sub was ...

Ghandi is my role model

Everyone knows about Gandhi. Pacifist, role model of MLK, and arguably the most important man in the movement of Indian independence. Of course, aside from his upstanding character, he did have a multitude of physical flaws. As an Indian peasant, he rarely wore shoes because he was too poor to affor...

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