There's a University called the National University of Science and Technology

It's not called the National University of Technology and Science, because that would be NUTS.

Why is the National Rifle Association filing for bankruptcy?

Because schools are closed.

The white-throated dipper is the national bird of Norway, the mute swan is Denmark's, and the blackbird is Sweden's,

these are the Scandinavians.

Why shouldn't you get the national bird of the USA sick?

Because it'll be an ill eagle action.

Vandals have attacked the National Origami Museum in Tokyo...

We'll keep you updated as the story unfolds...

I visited the National Air and Space Museum.

I believe the title is misleading because it's actually full of stuff.

A man calls the National Security Agency...

Man: Hello, I heard you record all our phone conversations, is that correct?

Agent: No sir, we don't do that

Man: Oh shoot. I was just talking to my wife and she gave me a list of things to do and I can't remember! I thought I would check with you rather than call her back and let her ...

The national bird of prey hospice had their annual play shut down by the authorities.

Apparently it was an ill-eagle act.

After release from prison, a group of house burglars were hired by the national marijuana museum. Unfortunately they were fired, as after 3 days, they had only managed to set up a single item for display.

Guess they spent too long casing the joint.

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At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.

Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculatio...

Thomas finally gave up on his dream of being a champion after always vomiting at the National Spelling Bee

He’d always be known as an expeller now.

Why did Trump push for Congress to change the national bird after seeing one get sick in a zoo?

He hates ill eagles.

I heard the Republican Party is considering renaming itself as the National Conservative party

Or Nat-C for short

What is the national bird of Iran?

An US drone

In order to support social distancing, the National Association for Celebacy has cancelled its March meeting.

Please share this message. They want to make sure nobody comes.

What was my prize for coming first in the National "Thinnest Arms" competition.

Atrophy.

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What is the national martial art of Israel?

Jew jitsu

The National Park Rangers are advising hikers in Glacier National Park and other Rocky Mountain parks to be alert for bears and take extra precautions to avoid an encounter.

They advise park visitors to wear little bells on their clothes so they make noise when hiking. The bell noise allows bears to hear them coming from a distance and not be startled by a hiker accidentally sneaking up on them. This might cause a bear to charge.

Visitors should also carry a pepp...

I recently came fourth in the National Weatherman Awards

I won a trophy for precipitation.

A reporter asked the president why the National Mint had been shut down

The president paused for a moment, then shrugged and said, “It just made cents.”

The National Origami championship is on television tonight.

It’s on paper view.

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A little old lady walked into the National Bank & Trust... LONG

She walked up to the secretary of the president of the bank and asked to see him. The secretary told the bank president that there was a woman here to see him and he said to send her in.

Bank president says, "Well hello there madam, how may I help you today, do you need help with your acco...

Whats the national dish of ethiopia? Dont know?

Neither do they.

What's the nationality of someone with many knees?

Polynesian

A Meteorologist working with the National Weather Service goes to his boss...

He says, “Boss, I need a transfer out of Florida. Please send me anywhere but Florida.”

The boss says, “Well, why’s that Bill? What’s wrong with Florida?”

The meteorologist says, “The weather in Florida just doesn’t agree with me.”

I just got banned from the National Zoo for making a parrot giggle...

... its polly tickle correctness gone mad!

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An art student is visiting the National Gallery in Wales.

About halfway around, they spot a large painting of three black men sitting on a bench, all three buck naked. Even more strangely, the one in the middle has an entirely pink penis.

A curator sees the art student observing the painting and approaches.

“Fascinating, isn’t it?” He says. ...

The National Council on Psychic Research has officially designated this to be true

The
experience of changing planes in New York now officially counts as a near-death experience

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NSFW The National Anthem and a blowjob

While at lunch, Joe tells Phil that he hooked up with someone the previous night. Joe mentions that the woman he hooked up with (let's call her Ann) gave him some of the best head he's ever had. Curious about this amazing blowjob, Phil asks Joe what made it so special. Joe then says that Ann sang th...

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The national nude marathon won by a woman for the twentieth year in a row.

In places 2 - 10 was a group of men with no regrets.

I have managed to become a member of the National Secrecy Society.

I can’t tell you how much this means to me.

Did you see Mike Pence left the Colts game because the players knelt for the national anthem?

He was quoted as saying "I won't stand for this" on the way out

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An old lady walks into the national bank of Canada...

An old lady walks into the national bank of Canada with a large bag full of money and demands to see the CEO of the bank. After many arguments, she set a meeting with the CEO of the bank and goes to see him.

When she gets into has office she claims she has loads of money in cash and that she ...

There was a huge uproar when the official theme song of the National Leukemia Foundation was announced

What's wrong with "Bad to the Bone"?

The National Guillotine Convention promoted me

I'm now the head

The National poetry contest

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a Duke University Law School graduate from an upper crust family; well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a red-neck from Southeast Tennessee A & M. The rules of the conte...

It's obvious why Mike Pence would never be able to kneel for the National Anthem

he's already on his knees for Trump

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When/If Scotland becomes independent, what will the national currency be called?

Doesn't matter, you won't be able to pry it out of the cheap bastards' hands anyway.

What Is The National Bird Of Pakistan..

***General Atomics MQ-1 Predator***

What genre is the National Anthem?

Country Music

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Old lady enters the National Bank's building...

...with a bag full of bank notes and asks to talk with the president of said bank. She says there's a lot of money to talk about, so the employees reluctantly allow the lady to meet with the president. When they meet, he asks the old lady how much money she wants to put in the bank.

"165,000 ...

Picabo Street is a former World Cup alpine ski racer and model. When she was inducted into the National Ski Hall of Fame in 2004, her home town of Triumph, Idaho dedicated an entire wing of the local hospital to her.

It's called the Picabo ICU.

At the national poetry contest finals,...

The final two contestants were a harvard educated english professor and a redneck from the hills of Alabama. The final task was to write a 4 line poem containing the word timbuktu. Each finalist was given 5 minutes to come up with a poem

After they were given some time to think, the finals ...

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After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's recreational preferences:

1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling.
3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball.
5. The sport of choice for mi...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Latvian were arguing about the nationality of Adam and Eve.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Latvian were arguing about the nationality of Adam and Eve.

"They must have been English," the Englishman offered. "After all, only a gentleman would share his last apple with a lady."

"They surely were French," the Frenchman asserted. "They were so ho...

Today I won the National Laziness Championship!

What did you win?

Atrophy

The National Shredded Cheese Council just endorsed Donald Trump for president...

They're ready to make America grate again.

I've just been refused entry to the National Alzheimer's conference.

"Do you know who I am?" I shouted.

While I was on the bus, the person standing next to me played the national anthem

While I was sitting on the bus, the person standing next to me played the national anthem,

I stood up and he took my seat.

What is the national anthem of South Korea?

Heart and Seoul.

Why does the National Football League deserve Tax-Exempt Status even though it generated at least $9 billion in revenue last season?

Because it is just as real as the other religions.

Did you hear what happened today at the national school for the deaf?

Neither did they.

Why were there only 49 contestants in the National Ebonics Beauty Pageant?

Nobody wanted to wear the sash that says "Idaho".

Greg wins £25,000,000.00 in the nationally lottery and runs home

"Margret, I won the lottery, pack your bags", "why Greg, where are we going?". "I don't care, pack your bags and get out" says Greg.

Congrats to the National Gallery on receiving a substantial donation of French Impressionist and Eastern European artwork.

Which is to say ... they're getting Monet for nothing and the Czechs for free.

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A guy walks into a bar and bets the bartender he can fart the National Anthem...

the bartender says "You're on buddy! There's no way you can fart the entire National Anthem!" So the guy pulls down his pants and starts crapping all over the bar. The bartender shouts "What the hell are you doing?!" and the guy says "What? Even Pavarotti had to clear his throat."

The spokesperson for the National organisation against impotence got up to the podium...

...And proclaimed "This will not stand!"

I play music for the National Alzheimer's Awareness club

"Somebody I used to know" probably wasn't the best song to pick

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A woman goes through border control on her bicycle with two panniers filled with sand.

The border guard was suspicious about it and searched through the sand, but couldn’t find anything hidden, so he had to let her through.

The next day, the same woman passes by, again riding a bike with two bags brimming with bright sand. The guard was still unable to find anything. He felt so...

A Russian spy infiltrated in America is arrested

A Russian spy under the alias of “Joe Smith” is arrested by American officials. He is put in an interrogation room and confronted by an official, Agent Perry.

Smith: “I don’t understand, why am I being interrogated?”

Perry: “Drop the act, Smith, if that even is your real name. We know ...

A guy walks into a store and says to the clerk, “I’d like a pound of kielbasa please.”

The clerk looks at him, squints his eyes, and says, “You’re Polish, aren’t cha?”

The man looks surprised and says, “Now how did you know that? Was it because I asked for the national meat of Poland? Or did something else give it away?”

The clerk replies, “It’s because this is a hardwar...

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Simple Economics

SOCIALISMYou have 2 cows.You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISMYou hav...

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It was autumn, and the Indians on the reservation asked their new chief if it was going to be a cold winter...

It was autumn, and the Indians on the reservation asked their new chief if it was going to be a cold winter. Raised in the ways of the modern world, the chief had never been taught the old secrets and had no way of knowing whether the winter would be cold or mild. To be on the safe side, he advised ...

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An elderly woman enters the Canadian National Bank with a bag full of money

She insisted she wanted to speak with the president of the National Bank in order to open an account, saying "a lot of money" was to be dealt with.

After some hesitation, the staff escorted the elderly woman to the president's office. The president asked how much money she wished to deposit i...

Cinco de Mayo and the Titanic

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England .

In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico , which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York ..
...

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I was sitting at the bar enjoying a drink to myself When next thing the door opened and in walked the most stunning woman I've ever laid eyes on.

5'11'' tall, stunning blue eyes, silky blonde hair, an hourglass figure.

Barely covered by a tiny mini skirt and a flimsy cotton top. I could see she was not wearing a bra and her incredibly firm breasts were on show.

After watching her walk in I turned back to my beer. No sooner had...

The United Kingdom is to provide special support to those self-identify as gnomes, fairies or pixies...

It'll be known as the National Elf Service.

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