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Ted Talk Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A tourist is backpacking through the highland of Scotland (Taken from Andrew Stanton’s Ted talk)

A tourist is backpacking through the highlands of Scotland, and he stops at a pub to get a drink. The only people in their is the bartender and an old man drinking a beer. He orders a pint and they sit in silence and drink for a while.

Suddenly the old man turns to him and says, “ye see this ...

I just gave my first Ted talk about south paw sign language.

The audience was left speechless.

TIL Bill Gates once released a swarm of mosquitoes at a TED talk about malaria, saying that it shouldn’t be an experience only for poor people...

I can't wait to go see his new talk about gun violence.

What's the world's longest Ted Talk?

How I Met Your Mother

Ted talks...but does

Ted listen ?

Tony Stark gives TED talks for a post-Iron Man living

He has done it many times before, and his 'If you're nothing without it then you shouldn't have it' motto is widely followed by the entire world.

"But I'm nothing without GTA V!" "If you're nothing without GTA V then you shouldn't have it." for example.

One day, the entire world is in ...

Never lie to an elephant

There was a TED talk for elephants by elephants. The speaker elephant was talking about why you should never lie to elephants. It went like:

"So ladies and gentlemen, why should you never lie to an elephant?

Well it's because an elephant never...

never...

An elephant, uh,...

Some people call the men's room "the john"...

I call it "the jim". That way, I can tell people I go to the jim every day.

Thank you for listening to my TED Talk.

Don't give off Bundy vibes

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk

Danson is better than Cruz in every way.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the best part about having sex with a vampire?

They can't get you pregnant.

Not because their sperm is dead.

But because they can't come inside without an invitation.

Thank you for coming to my haunTED talk

Knock knock

Who's there

Axolotl

Axolotl who?

you sure do Axolotl questions.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sexually active cock

A couple goes to visit a farm. A farmer shows them around and points toward a chicken and says, "This chicken is amazing, he can have sex 300 times a day."

The wife glances meaningfully to the husband and says, "Wow, what an amazing cock."

He husband, wisely, asks the farmer, "But is i...

I was watching the Ted Bundy tapes on Netflix

When he was first arrested, the police departments from the different states got together in a hotel to have a conference and share knowledge with each other.


It was the world’s first Ted Talk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do men check out women's rear?

Historically, men at sea were trapped and killed by Mermaids who attracted them using their upper body beauty. Soon, the word was spread among all the sailors/pirates and subsequently to the whole world to check out women's rear to save yourself from murderous mermaids.

Thank you for coming t...

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