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Stock Broker Jokes

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A young stock broker had just parked his BMW

As he opened the door, a car zoomed past ripping the door from his car. A police officer happened to be walking past, and quickly ran over to the driver. “Are you alright?”, he asked. The stock broker whined, “My Beemer! Look what he did to my Beemer!” Disgusted the officer growled, “You greedy Wall...

I am a stock broker

I am broke after investing in stocks

What do you call a stock broker that also works as a private eye?

An Invest-igator

Why did the Stock Broker quit his job to become a Baker?

He overheard some great advice. "BUY DOUGH, SELL PIE!"


....I'll see myself out.

A priest walks in to his stock broker’s office. When their business is concluded, the broker sighs and says, “Father, I must confess for I have sinned. I once cheated on my wife.” The priest nods his head and says, “there’s nothing I can do here, we will have to step outside.”

Confused, but eager to get it off his chest, the broker leads him to the door. As soon as they pass through the exit, the priest says, “Don’t worry, my son. Say three Hail Marys and don’t do it again.” The broker is relieved, but also curious. “Father, why couldn’t we do this in my office?”
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A retired stock broker moves to the country

He buys a large plot of land and is living by himself for a few months when he gets a knock on the door.
The man answers the door and a large country boy is standing there.

"Muh name is Bubba, I'm your neighbor with the farm across from ya"

The man is excited as he hasn't really ...

Why did the stock broker not get upset when his wife divorced him?

Because he’s got lots of options.

The key to a long marriage (My 85 year old uncle, a retired investment stock broker, used to tell this to his clients. He told it to me and I thought I'd share it)

A pastor was addressing his congregation about marriage and staying together. He asked his flock:

"How many couples have been married for 1 year?"

a bunch of hands rose

"How many couples have been married 5 years?"

Still a lot of hands rose

"How many 10 year couple...

What's a stock broker's favorite band?

Green Day

What does a stock broker and a gym rat have in common?

NEED MORE GAINS

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four Men Went Golfing Together

Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill.

The three men started talking, bragging about their sons.

The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder and he's so successful that he gave a fri...

Two men were at a wake

Two men, Bill and Ed, were at a wake, and got to chatting with each other. Bill said:


\- You know what, I pity that cousin of mine.


Ed asked:


\- Why?


Bill told him:


\- Because that's the third wife of his who has died.


Ed ...

The Meaning Of Life

A young man goes to search for the meaning of life. He decides to ask around.


The first person he meets is a wealthy man. "That's easy," he says. "The meaning of life is to accumulate wealth. Then you can transform and inspire your community." The young man takes this advice to heart. He ...

Buddy Hackett's Duck Joke

A stock broker from New York went out on his first hunting trip alone. After four days in the cold and wet marsh, and after a dozen tries, he finally shot a duck. The duck spiraled down, and landed in a nearby farm.

The new hunter climbed the farm fence, and the farmer came out with a loade...

4 men were standing outside a casino (long)

A Mathematician, an engineer, a stock broker and a gambler were standing outside a casino talking.

Suddenly the gambler walks in and comes out broke a few minutes later. I just didn't have any luck.

That's not how you do it the stock broker remarks, let me show you how it's done. The s...

The funeral

One day a man dies and in his will, he leaves $300,000 to his stock broker, financial adviser and his lawyer, each one receiving $100,000. In the will he also states that he wants all 3 of them to to leave half of the money they received ($50,000) in his coffin after the funeral.

The day of ...

A group of guys were having some drinks

When the conversation turned to how great their sons were.

First Frank regaled everyone with the tale of how his son, the car dealer, was so rich, that he gave a buddy a brand new car.

The next guy said "that's nothing! My son, the successful realtor has made so much money, that he gav...

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Decision Time

A man who had been seeing three different women decided it was time to settle down and get married. The problem was, he couldn't decide which woman to ask to marry him. Then he had an idea: he'd give $1,000 to each of them and whatever they did with the money would influence his decision.

S...

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4 guys are on the golf course...

One of the guys gets a phone call so he turns around and takes his call. Meanwhile the other 3 guys start talking about how successful their sons are.

The first guy says, "My son is so successful. He started out as a car salesman and he was so good at it he made enough money to open up hi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four guys were golfing when one gets a phone call and walks away

The other three guys start talking about how successful their sons have been. The first guy explains how his son started as an entry level stock broker, but now owns his own wealth management firm. The last time he got a friend a gift, he gave him a half-million dollar investment portfolio. The s...

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