UPJOKE
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Yahweh Jokes

What did Sweet Potato Yahweh say?

I yam that I yam.
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A Jehovah's Witness knocks on a Jew's door...

A Jehovah's Witness knocks on a Jew's door.

Jew: "Can I help you?"

Witness: "Hello sir, I'm here to tell you about the great Lord Jehovah!"

Jew: "Is that what you call him? You know, we have a name for him too..."

Witness: "No way?!"

Jew: "Yahweh."
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Joseph decides it's time to tell Jesus the truth....

Since Jesus is a teenager, Joseph thinks he can handle it. He tells Jesus that he's not really his father, in a technical sense.

Jesus is incredulous. He can't believe it. He asks who his father really is.

Joseph explains to Jesus that he's the son of god. Jesus can't even comprehend...
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I’m an atheist but…

If I found out God was real I’d be like “No way”. And then God would be like “Yahweh”
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The Jewish God, The Christian God, and The Muslim God Walk Into a Bar

The bartender says "Hello, Yahweh!"
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I told my buddy that Jewish people call god by a different name

He was like, "No way!"

I was like, "Yahweh"
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How do you measure the mass of God?

Yahweh it of course.
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A Jewish man was talking to a Hindu man

Jew: Yeah, so in my religion we only believe in one God.

Hindu: No way!

Jew: Yahweh
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Moses came down

Moses came down from Mount Sinai and announced to the people, "I just got done speaking with God." "No way!" the townspeople shouted. "Yahweh."
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All divine beings gather for an emergency meeting

The gods take their time, but one by one everyone is in attendance around a long, dark table on a well-lit cloud.

Yahweh is at the head of the table, simply dressed and glowing. Satan sat at the other end, dressed in a casual suit and a trench coat, a cigarette in hand.

**Yahweh:** O...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Beach Bum Theologian

A scraggly old man use to wander up and down this beach I lived at in Northern California. He'd always grin wide-eyed to whomever he passed proclaiming: "Get ready brother! God is coming!" or "Good morning sister, hope your soul knows God is nigh upon us!" To a potpourri of mixed receptions. Mostly ...

Me: Hey man i’m thinking about converting to judaism

Him: No way dude

Me: Yahweh dude
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Jesus's time, some heard and didn't believe that He was the son of God. They said no way. His rebuttal.....

Yahweh

Two stoners are talking about religion, "Dude. Did you know that like, uh, God, he has a name?" The other replies, "Really dude? No way!"

The first answers, "Yahweh!"
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Moses walks up the the Pharaoh and says "Let my people go!"

The Pharaoh replies, "no way!"

Moses says, "Yahweh!"
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Some high schoolers are on the playground.

A new kid walks up. They say ”whats your name?” He says “God.” They say "NO way!!!” He says “Yahweh”
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When Jesus rose from the dead, everyone said “No way”

Jesus responded “Yahweh”
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What's the slogan for Burger King in Israel?

Have it Yahweh
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Jesus and his disciples walk into a bar

Bartender: so, what to you want?

Peter: just a glass of water please

Bartender: *slides him a glass of water* oh so you’re driving?

Peter: no, but watch this. Jesus!

Jesus: *turns water into wine right in front of Bartenders eyes*

Bartender: you’re the Son of God! ...
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Jesus sits down at the Last Supper with his disciples.

He rises and addresses them: "I'm the son of God."
"No way!" they say.
"Yahweh."
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A man walks into a bar

and sitting at one of the stools is, quite possibly, the oldest man he's ever seen. Drawn to the old timer, he asks, "Who are you?"

The old man replies in a soft voice that somehow echoes throughout the bar, "I am God."

He scoffs, "No way."

"Yahweh."
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Jesus was talking with the 12 apostles..

He said “Hey Guys, I can walk on water!”
They responded “No way”
And he said back “Yahweh!”
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A very pious Jew is praying to God.

A very pious Jew is praying to God. He says “Oh God, I’ve read all of your words, studied the speeches of your prophets, but one thing has eluded me. If you could just tell me your name I would die a happy man.”

The man is startled to see God himself descend from the heavens, and listens as G...

A priest, a pastor and a rabbi talk shop.

A priest, a pastor and a rabbi were seated at lunch during am Ecumenical congress. After a short period of weather talk they soon were talking shop.

"So, I was wondering how you guys go about distributing the collection monies between the church and God" said the priest. "What we do is draw ...
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A man invites his Jewish friend out for lunch

Upon arriving at the restaurant, his friend says "I'm not sure I can eat here. Is Burger King kosher?" The man waved his hand dismissively and says "Don't worry, it's Burger King: Have it Yahweh."
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some Christians, Jews and Muslims decide to settle once and for all whose God is real

They decide to each send someone to jump from a cliff while shouting their God's name to prove it and if the jumper survives then their God is indeed real


Muslims decide to go first then the Jews followed finally by Christians.


The lone Muslim man selected by his people stands...

A Franciscan, a Dominican, and a Jesuit are killed in a car crash and go to heaven...

When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter ushers them into God's throne room, where they patiently await a routine post-death judgement from Yahweh Himself. God walks into His room, and takes His seat at the throne. He then beckons to the Dominican:
 

*Son of St. Dominic, co...
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