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Shlomo Jokes

A Jewish man calls the newspaper to publish an obituary notice for her wife

Shlomo: Hello, This is Shlomo, I want to publish an obituary notice for my wife Rachel.

Agent: Hello Shlomo, how shall we publish it, do you have any words in mind?

Shlomo: "Rachel is dead". That's enough.

Agent: Sir you can write more; its the same price.

Shlomo: Hmm ok...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Jewish men are talking.

Shlomo: Oh Haim, you wouldn’t believe it. Last night, the wife and I were about to have sex, and I prematurely ejaculated. How embarrassing!

Haim: Oh no, what happened?

Shlomo: She comes home after shopping and says she got new lingerie. She says I should sit right there and she will...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Jews are standing at neighboring urinals, when one asks the other...

"were you by any chance circumcised by Shlomo the mohel?"

The second Jew responds "yes, how do you know?"

"because you're peeing on my foot" responds the first.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Yugoslavian jew moves to israel

After ww2 most of the (still alive) yugoslavian jews moved to Israel.

Shlomo shekelowitz decides to stay in yugoslavia just to test the new socialist regime.

After a year he moves to israel.

One of his old friends sees him and asks

SCHLOMO! Long time we did not see each o...

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