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A monkey walks up to the lion and starts taunting him

"You stupid jerk! You cannot do anything to me", the lioness looks at the lion hearing that and gets surprised of his lack of reaction.

The monkey goes on "Imma fuck your momma you stupid lion!", the lion keeps ignoring the monkey, so the lioness asks "honey are you going to allow this peasa...

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Damn You Autocorrect

A year ago, drunk and lonely, I stumbled upon Reddit by mistake when I was looking for RedTube. A year later the difference is obvious; one is a site full of naked people with no self respect, moaning and saying or doing all sorts of degrading things just to get some attention. The other appears to ...

How many incels does it take to screw a lightbulb?

None. No self respecting light bulb would want to be screwed by an incel.

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One of my all time favourites.... makes me laugh every single time.

Mr. Sullivan, the most arrogant man who could do no wrong, was on top of Mrs Sullivan, trying his best to please her. His butler was holding a dim lit lantern as the lights were out and the Sullivan's didn't like the darkness.

Somewhat tired, he asked mrs Sullivan "How good was it?"

"...

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Three missionaries are captured in the Amazon

Three explorers are captured by a remote tribe in the Amazon jungle. The chief is going to punish the intruders. He calls the first explorer to the front of the tribe and asks, "Death or Booka?!". Well the explorer doesn't want to die, so he opts for booka. The tribe starts screaming BOOKA! and danc...

"Tell me what you want," I whispered to her as I put my fingers on her c string. She moaned,

"I want my viola back"




Then you wake up, because no self respecting person would ever want a viola.

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My friend had a few tips for alcohol consumers

From my friend

To all self respecting alcohol consumers...Self Care tips....

1. Symptom : Cold and humid feet.
Cause : Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure : Manoeuver glass until open end is facing upward...

2. Symptom : Th...

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