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Seagal Jokes

Steven Seagal is a 7th degree master of Kukido.

Kukido is the martial art that enables you to fight an opponent, while discreetly checking his pockets for cookie dough. KUKIDO!

Years ago I went to dinner with Stephen Seagal

Never again. He kept stealing my fries.

Steven Seagal still does his own Stunts

He never leaves sitting in chairs to stunt people.

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Steven Seagal.

Steven Seagal who?

Oh well, that’s show biz…

What's the most dangerous thing about Steven Seagal?

his Cholesterol level

Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Steven Seagal decide to make and star in a movie about famous composers...

Bruce: "Okay guys, let's decide which musicians we'd like to portray"

Seagal: "Well, I guess I'll play Beethoven if you guys think that works"

Stallone: "that seems like a good fit. I think I'll be Mozart."

Willis: "Sounds good so far. I'd like to portray Brahms."

*Stall...

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