UPJOKE

Rough Day Jokes

A couple is reading in their living room after dinner, and the husband announces that he had a rough day at work and is going to skip going to his bowling league that night.

The wife nods and goes back to reading her magazine, but keeps glancing at the living room clock. About twenty minutes later the kitchen phone rings, the wife starts to get up to answer it, but the husband tells her he’s closer, so he walks into the kitchen and answers the phone.

“What??? I d...

A man walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of the finest whiskey...

...the bartender looks at him a bit weird since he's alone, but pours the man a shot. The guy says, no, I'd like them all lined up, ready to go. The bartender this this is a bit odd, but the bar is empty, and figures, why not, this guy probably had a rough day or something. The man starts with the f...

I was having a really rough day today because someone stole the front and back pages from my dictionary.

It just goes from bad to worse.

It was a rough day when the shelf collapsed at the gun shop..

The stocks plummeted..

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How one rough day can ruin your reputation...

A young man walks into a pub sits down and orders a pint. As he's drinking his pint he notices an older fellow just pounding back shot after shot of whiskey, looking absolutely miserable. Well, the young man is a bit curious, so he sits down next to the older gentleman and asks:

"Why so glu...

A guy is having a rough day and visits a new pub.

The first thing he notices is a foot-tall man on the counter playing a miniature piano. The bartender asks him for a drink. "I'll take a beer," he replies. "And where did you get the little man and his piano?" The bartender seems upset, "We have a genie in the bathroom who will grant you one wish." ...

My CAD guy was having a rough day at work...

So I told him to just fillet the whole model. It really takes the edge off.

Yesterday was a rough day I bent down to pet a boxer

and he beat the living hell out of me.

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A joke in memoriam to Norm MacDonald. Please tell it and make it as unfunny as possible before you hit the punchline.

So, a priest, a rabbi, and a nun walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "sorry, we don't serve jokes here." They all nod and walk out and the bartender keeps cleaning glasses.


A man carrying a frog and a tiny piano walks into the bar and the bartender looks up, sees them, ...

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A very temperamental man has a very rough day...

...and while he sulking, the doorbell rings. He opens the door to see a flaming bag of shit and a snail just sitting on his porch. Angered, the man picks up the snail and chucks in into the yard before dealing with the bag.

Two years pass and the doorbell rings again. The man opens the door t...

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[Long] A guy walks into a bar and demands 3 shots of tequila. Bartender obliges and says, "rough day?". "You have no idea!", the guy replies as he slams down the shots...

He begins telling him about his horrible day when a jar full of money at the end of the bar catches his eye. "What's that jar of money for over there? It's full to the brim of $10's and $20's!"

Bartender tells him it's a challenge he offers to his patrons, $10 to play, and you have to complet...

A cat walks into a bar...

A cat walks into a bar and sees an empty counter. He saunters up to the bartender and asks for a shot of whiskey.

The bartender looks at the cat and says, "Rough day, huh? Maybe you should try chasing a laser pointer. That always seems to cheer me up."

The cat glances at the bartender ...

Ask me a questions and once I've responded, edit that question to a new one to make me look stupid.

I'm having a rough day and I think this could be a fun way to change that!

A string walks into a bar

The bartender says, “we don’t serve strings!” The string says, “cmon man I’ve had a rough day can I just get a drink and lay low?” The bartender says, “no way!” And the string leaves the bar.

The next day the string comes back to the bar. The bartender yells at him, “get the hell out of my ba...

plot twist

a little girl was praying when her dad walked in. she said “good night grandma good night mom good night dad good bye grandpa”. the next day the grandpa drops dead. the dad decides to ignore what she says last night and continues on with his day. that night the dad walks in his daughters room prayin...

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a man walks into a bar

he sits down and orders 3 double vodkas, the bartender asks 'rough day ha?'. to this the man replies 'yea. i just found out my older brother is gay'. the bartender smiles sympathetically and services him his drinks.

the next day the same man walks into the same bar and orders the same drinks ...

An Irishman walks into a bar and orders three shots...

Seamus walks into a bar and asks the bartender for three shots of Bushmills and three pints of Guinness.

"Rough day, friend?" the bartender asks as he pours the drinks.

"Nah - it's for me brothers. The three of us used to drink together back home in Dublin when we were younger. Now Mi...

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3 generations of prostitutes are standing on a corner one day discussing life.

The 19 year old prostitute says “Man what a rough day! I only got $20 for giving a blowjob!”

To which the 40 year old prostitute replies “20?! Back in my day we only got $5!”

The 80 year old prostitute scoffs and says “You kids got it easy with blow jobs today. Back in my day we were j...

A rancher and his family have a milk cow...

A rancher and his family have a milk cow, and not much else to their name. The milk is the sweetest, toppest grade dairy around.

One day, the rancher wakes up and finds his milk cow dead. Unable to face life with his sole source of income gone, he sets up a noose in the barn and takes his lif...

Mario decided to take up an extra job at the bank.

He had only been working a few weeks and was having a rough day when suddenly a masked man bursts through the door and yells: "This is a robbery!"

This was the last straw for Mario and pulls a shotgun out of his desk, aims it at the man and gives him til the count of 3 to get out or hell blas...

Jesus walks into a bar

Jesus walks into a bar after a pretty rough day. After a couple hours of whiskey shots the bartender says, "That's it. I'm cutting you off. Water only for you from now on."

Jesus replies back in a sarcastic tone," Oh no. Not water."

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A man walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me five shots of vodkas."

The bartender brings the drinks, raises an eyebrow and empathetically asks, "What up, man. Rough day?"

The man downs his first shot and says, "Just found out my eldest son is gay. I ain't prejudice, but I was raised how I was raised. I just need a bit of spirit to accept it."

Two night...

A man walks into the sleaziest bar in town...

"I've had a rough day," he says. "Give me 40 shots of whiskey."

"40 shots?!" the bartender responds. “That'll probably kill you!"

The man stares him down and says, "Is that a problem??"

The bartender stares at him back and says, "Only if you're planning on running a tab."

A man comes home from work...

and it’s clear he’s had a rough day. His wife says, “Honey, you look terrible, what’s wrong?” The man says, “Well, let’s just say that I have a big problem.” The wife says, “No, WE have a problem.” “What do you mean?” says the husband. The wife replies, “You and I are a team, we’re in this together....

Why was the young golfer so angry?

Because he was having a rough day.

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A man walks into a bar

Goes to the bartender and gets asked
"What can I get you sir?"
"Nothin special, just some vodka thanks"
"Rough day?"
"Just my ex, she's being a cunt on FB"
"What'd she do?"
"Well Rhi decided that she wanted to shit talk me and make posts saying how horrible I was"
"Oh man I feel...

A necrophiliac walks into a bar...

The bartender smiles and greets the corpse-lover, "Hey Paul, how's it going?! What can I get you tonight?"

“I've had a rough day so I'll take the hardest whiskey you've got, please." Answers Paul.

The bartender replies, "Oh man I've had those days."

A few seconds of silence pa...

A man came home very late from golfing...

A man came home very late from golfing with his friend Charlie. His wife was very upset and started in on him.
"Don't lecture me," he said "I have had a very rough day. Charlie and I met this morning and went out to the first tee. Just before he hit his first ball, Charlie has a heart attack ...

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A man walks into a bar...

He asks the bartender for six shots of vodka. As soon as the bartender gives it to him, he downs them in four seconds flat.

"Rough day, huh?" Says the bartender.
"Yeah," coughs the man, "I just found out my oldest son is gay."

The next day, the man comes back in, asks for six mo...

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So a guy walked into a bar and asked how to become a cupcake...

So, a guy walked into a bar and he saw a cupcake. He went up to the cupcake and asked, "How do I become a cupcake?"

The cupcake replied, "You have to eat a cupcake to become a cupcake."

So the guy left to go eat a cupcake and the next night he returned to the bar. He then saw a chocola...

In honor of HRH on her birthday

A man walks into a London pub clearly beaten down after a rough day. Barkeep gets to talking to him and asks the man what he does.

"I'm the trainer for the Queen's pure breed corgis." the man replies.

"Well that seems like a pretty cushy job, why are you so distraught?" the barkeep a...

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