How come vampires are portrayed to be porcelain white even though the original vampire, Vlad Dracula, was quite swarthy?

Must be his nickname.

What's Vlad the Impaler's favorite joke?

So this bar goes into a guy...

Never accept tea offered by the Russian President

You don´t know what Vladimir Putin.

What did Vlad the Impaler's victims cried to him during torture?

"Vladislav, baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me, no more"

What do you get when you cross Henry VIII and Vlad the Impaler?

Executed.

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Why would Vlad the Impaler not have been a good Redditor?

He created too many shit posts.

Did you know that Vlad the Impaler was a very successful racing instructor?

He brought thousands into the pole position.

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What is Vlad the Impaler's kink?

Ass to mouth

Today I found out my buddy Vlad is a serial killer...

...so I said: "Vladizlav, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more..."

You never want to play poker with Vlad the Impaler

A lot is at stake

Two Russians, Vlad and Ivan, decided to have a race.

Both long distance runners, they decided the end would be a large rock a few miles past the Russia-Finland border.

Vlad was ahead for most of the race, but he faltered soon after the border and was passed by Ivan, who won.

"I told you I would win!" said Ivan.

"You may have won,"...

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Vlad the Impaler must have really hated strict people

Because most of his enemies had a stick up their ass...

Why was Vlad the Impaler like reddt?

Because if you survived the impaling you were sure to get reposted.

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What's russian and smells like shit?

vladimir pootin.

Say what you will about Vlad the Impaler

He was one hell of a proctologist.

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Vladimir Putin is hosting a summit with Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, and Justin Trudeau.

As a part of the summit, Putin takes the three leaders to a wilderness area outside of Moscow and dismisses the press corps, and a large wolf in a cage is brought out.


"Friends, this savage wolf was trapped and brought from the wilds of Siberia just yesterday. I want to show you what ki...

Putin and Obama meet in Moscow

They're debating the merits fo their respective societies. They argue about moral values and which country is doing better.

Obama: I've heard that all Russian are alcoholics.

Putin: That's a Russophobic myth. I bet there's not a single drunk out in Moscow tonight.

Obama: I don'...

Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, the Pope, and a boy scout are on a plane losing altitude and there are only 3 parachutes...

Vladimir Putin jumps up and declares, “I am the smartest Russian in the world! My people need me! I will not die here!” Then he grabs a parachute and jumps out the plane before anyone can say anything in response.

Watching intently and taking notes the entire time Putin was speaking Donald T...

Trump wakes up, goes to the garden and starts picking up random rocks...

He picks a rock, carefuly examines it from from all sides, puts it back and then goes to find another one. After this has been going on for a couple of days, his cabinet starts to get nervous, so Pence calls Putin to see if he can help them.

"Hey Vlad! It's Mike. Listen, we have a little prob...

For Texans, from Eastern Europe.

On the phone:

"Hey Vlad, how's the weather in your town? I heard on the news it's really cold, almost -35 Celsius."

"-35? Nah, it's more like -15C. Oh! You meant outside!"

A russian village has a tradition...

...where each year they they hold a very unusal contest, that consists of 4 challenges: First, the contestants must down a bottle of vodka, then they must swim across an icy lake, third they must shake hands with a chained up wild bear on the other side, and finally they have to run to the closest v...

A woman and her husband are having trouble with kids

A woman and her husband, both from Mexico, decided to have a family, seeing as their homeland is dangerous, they move to the united states.

They try to have a baby for many years but to no avail.

The husband feels something is wrong and wishes for her to go to a doctor but they have p...

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Three vampires walked into a bar...

The first one ordered a glass of blood.The second one also ordered a glass of blood.The third one ordered a glass of water, so his friends asked him: "What the fuck, Vlad?"

He then replied: ...

Did you hear about the Russian man who got turned into a chevy?

They call him Vlad the Impala.

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Three men are sitting naked in a sauna.

“My wife has a nickname for my penis. It’s so hard and fast, she named it after the boxer, Rocky,” says the first man, who is, coincidentally, a boxer himself.

“Well, my wife says that my schlong is so long, it’s like being impaled, so she’s named it Vlad,” chimes in the second man, with a s...

Donald Trump had a secret phone meeting with Vladimir Putin.

At the end of the call, Trump said to Putin, “Vlad, tell me something. How do you know if the people you work with are smart and trustworthy?”

Putin said, “It’s easy Don. I bring them into my office in the Kremlin, I sit them down, and I ask them one question. If they get it right, they stay....

After the Russian election Putin meets with his staff

Staff: “Sir Comrade Vlad, we have got good news and bad news for you.”

Putin: “I’m not scared of bad news, I’ve wrestled bears, tigers and a small rhino with my bare Russian hands. Hit me!”

Staff: “Your opponent got 51% of the votes.”

Putin: “That is terrible news! What on earth...

Vladimir Lenin found a magic lap. Upon rubbing it, a genie pop'ed out and offered him three wishes:

Vlad: I want to return to my country!

Genie: So Be It, replied the Genie.

Vlad: I want my message to be heard by me people!

Genie: So Be It, replied the Genie.

Vlad: I want to lead my people to revolution!

Genie: Soviet! Replied the Genie.

I once watched a documentary about a Russian leader who ruled the Soviet Union and led the Red Terror genocide...

...I thought it was about their current president but it turns out, he's not that Vlad.

Trump was out walking on a beautiful snowy day, when he saw that somebody had urinated on the White House lawn to spell out "The President Sucks."

Infuriated, Trump called on the secret service to figure out who had done it. In a few hours, they came to him and told him that there was some bad news and some worse news.

"The bad news is that the urine is from Putin."

"Vlad? How could he do this to me? What could be worse than this...

Donny is getting worried about his future as President.

He decides to call the world leaders he most admires. He makes a conference call to Putin, Kim Jong-un,and Rodrigo Duterte.

"Guys, next to me, you are the greatest leaders in the world. What can I do to stop from getting impeached?"

There is a lot of talking between them and then Vlad ...

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Trmp, Putin and Duterte all died on the same day

After they die, the wake up in a building. The three of them not knowing what was going on.

After some small talk, they hear a deep and loud voice saying.

- " Rodrigo Duterte, room 623"

Duterte, followed by Trump and Putin starts looking for this room, and after a long search ...

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Donald Trump was using the restroom...

...when Vladmir Putin walked in and began using the urinal beside him. Naturally, Trump glanced over and saw that Putin had by far the biggest cock he had ever seen. So he asked him what he did to make it grow so huge and Vlad told him that every night before he goes to bed, he pulls it out and sl...

A Russian is travelling to Poland...

and he is stopped to be checked by an officer.

"Name?" the officer asked.

"Vlad Dobrynin," the man answered.

"Nationality?"

"Russian."

"Occupation?"

"No, no, just visiting."

Donald Trump visits Vladimir Putin in Russia and while there Putin takes him bear hunting...

After a few hours in the woods Trump says, "Vlad this is great but where's the washroom. I need to pee." Putin chuckles at the American city boy and says, "There's no washroom here. You just pee in the bushes." He then walks over to some bushes and starts peeing. A bear that was hiding in the bu...

Want to know another creepy coincidence?

Jack the Ripper, Vlad the Impaler, and Winnie the Pooh all share the same middle name. Stay safe, my friends!

Vladislav

There was once a man named Vladislav. He worked an average job, received minimum wage, and was frustrated with his life.
One day he received a call from his wife, who told him out of guilt that she had been cheating on him for several months now, and wanted to stop by the house to collect her be...

The Russian brothers hear the propaganda about Siberia...

how beautiful the weather is, how the shops are stocked with all necessities and luxuries, and prices are low.
Boris worries "Maybe they're just saying that to get people to move out there and work in the salt mines. How can we tell?"
Vladimir thinks a while, and comes up with an idea....

Trump and Putin decide theyre going to decide WW3 with a Dog Fight

So they agree on coming back in a couple of years after training a dog for the occasion and rather than wasting millions of human lives and countless dollars they agree that the winner of the dog fight is the offical winner of WW3.

Some time passes and they meet up again. Putin shows up with...

Vladimir Putin met Bashar al-Assad

One day Vladimir Putin met Bashar al-Assad. The conversation turned to America.

Assad: Hey Vlad, what's the difference between America and a carton of yogurt?

Putin: I don't know, what?

Assad: If you leave a carton of yogurt alone for 200 years, it'll grow a culture.

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