Knock Knock

\-Who's there?
\-Daisy who?
\~Daisy me rollin'!

I know it's terrible but my aunt named Daisy just came up with this and I thought it was so stupid it made it funny and wanted to share.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was 12, I lived with my abusive uncle and auntie

We lived on an old farm, no animals just fields.

My uncle goes off to a market and comes back with this filthy ass horse.

Says it's bred from some old bloke's prize stallion.

Auntie loves it for some reason, coz it's all muddy she calls it "Dirty". She was a bit weird l...

Knock knock

Knock knock

Who's there


Daisy who

Daisy me rollin, they hatin..

Knock-knock, who’s there? Daisy! Daisy who?

Daisy me rollin, they hattin

Didn't come up with this one but I love it

So I was living with my abusive aunt and uncle on their ranch. They would get mad easily and beat me for almost nothing and they often try to catch me doing things I'm not supposed to. One day my uncle came home with a new donkey named Dirty. He was really expensive and my aunt hated him but she cou...

Knock, knock...

'Who's there?'


'Daisy who?'

'Daisy me rollin' they hatin'!'

Gave my friend in a wheelchair 3 hits of molly last night

He's still rollin' this morning

I've been struggling trying to date women lately...

I've been struggling to find women to date recently so I decided i'd try my luck at handicapped women, she was in a wheel chair.

I stood her up, which lead to her falling for me, and now it has become quite the drag, but things are rollin' now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A frog walks into a bank

Heard this one on Norm MacDonald's show/podcast so he gets the credit. It's better delivered in live, but here it is:

A frog walks into a bank to get a loan. He walks over to the bank teller--her name's Whack (nametag says Whack).
Frog: "Yes, I'd like to get a loan."

Teller: "A loan...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔


In a poll for the audience, Ellen asks for a show of hands how often they have sex with their partners.

She asks, "Two or three times a week?" Some hands go up

Then, "Once a week?" Some other hands go up.

To be facetious, "Once a year?"

A gentlemen in the back shoots up ...

A Mirror, A Shoe, & A Tire

A mirror, a shoe, and a tire walk into a bar and order some drinks. The bartender asks the shoe, what's causing you to drink on this lovely night? The shoe responds with his tongue hanging out, "well I use to be tied down, but I recently lost my better half, and now I feel like my soul is worn down....

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