Cats don't need smart phones to solve their problems, they just sleep until the problem solves itself.
Cats: There's a nap for that.
Family xmas problem solved
An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!" "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the sight of ea...
A newly graduated doctor opened a clinic with a novel idea to bring in patients. If he were able to solve the patient’s problem he would charge them $500. However, if he couldn’t treat the patient, he would give them $1,000.
The new doctor was soon making more money than the old doctor’s ...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
The computer is connected to watt?
A man calls tech support and says, "I unplugged my space heater, and then my computer just blacked out!"
Tech support: Is the power strip that your computer's plugged into still lit?
Tech support: What happens if you move the mouse or press a key?
Assistant to the President: Sir, there's a crisis - somehow, we only have one copy of Pixar's Up left in existence.
President: All right, find the person who currently owns it, and have him give it to me.
Assistant to the President: Well there's some bad news, sir ...
President: Bad news? Have him give me the DVD, I'll copy it and post it on the Internet, problem solved!
Assistant to the Pres...
The doctor gave me six months to live, so I shot him.
The judge gave me 50 years. Problem solved.
Han Solo is chilling in his room when suddenly the light goes out.
He tries to fix the bulb, but after an hour of laborious effort, he gives up.
He heads over to Yoda's place to see if he can help. As Yoda opens the door, he spots a huge machine with flashing lights, beeping in the middle of the room.
"What's this?" he asks Yoda.
"A cloning m...
A brunette and two blondes were hanging on a rope that was attached to a helicopter...
They were hanging on for dear life. However, they were told that the rope was going to break soon and that it could only support two people at this rate.
The two blondes started arguing about who should let go of the rope. The brunette didn't speak for most of the argument, but suddenly thoug...
A man drives his new car back to the dealership...
And he says "the car I bought last week doesn't work at night". So a mechanic tries starting the car with the lights already on. Then, he tried again but turning the lights on with the engine running. Nothing goes wrong, the mechanic explains that he can come back and get a different car if it has t...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
So, I got married once..
To a solid 7/10. She wanted kids right away. Gets her wish, so fast forward 9 months, baby is on the way. I am in the waiting room because I couldn't handle it. I see my child for the first time. Told her she could name the baby anything she wanted and she tells the doctor that her name is 'Love'. W...
The problem with America is stupidity.
So why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
11 Blondes and a brunette
There are 12 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 11 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a...
At the food court today, I was behind this lady arguing with a food vendor.
It seems she ate 3/4 of her food but decided she didn’t like it and insisted on a full refund. I felt bad for the young girl working the front alone, but mostly just wanted to get back to my kids, so I interrupted with the intention of offering to pay for her meal.
She turns around and sticks...
a chemist, a physicist and a mathematician sleep at a hotel.
Suddenly a fire breaks out. The chemist in his hotel room panics, look around him, sees the fire extinguisher, successfully extinguishes the fire and leaves the hotel. The physicist in his room panics as well, looks around him, sees the window, looks outside, sees a swimming pool. he does...
How to get the body you desire in 3 easy steps!
Step 1 - Go to your local gym. Step 2 - Find the person whose body you wish to emulate. Step 3 - Abduct that person.
Now you have the body you desire! Problem solved!