Why could the petit clairvoyant never find a dress that fits?

Everyone thought she was a medium

Did you hear about the petite psychic who escaped jail?

There is a small medium at large

The Streetcleaners Union is petitioning to double the width of their brooms.

They're demanding broad sweeping reform.

Somebody asked me to sign his petition to save the planet

It was to reinstate Pluto.

If men call short women petite. What do women call short men?

Friends.

An old man decides to look into a Nudist Colony

He is invited to try the one week trial period so he does.

On his first day he took off his clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, walks over to him and asks, "did you ...

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A 7 foot tall giant of a man walks into a bar...

...carrying a brown box. Everyone is staring quietly because of the sheer size of some random guy seemingly on a mission.
 
He walks up to the counter and orders two shots of whiskey. After downing them both in succession, he reaches into the box and pulls out a huge snapping turtle, shows it ...

Gonna start a petition to change Reddit's name

How does Re-post-ddit sound?


...sounds bad? Gimme some slack, it's hard to create original content on here

A man is in peril, he’s just robbed a cheese shop...

And the police are closing in. From his pockets, he dumps all the Gruyere, all of the Cotswald, all of the Petit Basque. As he flees, chunks of Manchego and Ossau Iraty fly from his pockets... he flings the Roquefort, but it breaks up in his pocket and is sticky... he can’t get it out. He is stuck, ...

My petite girlfriend entered a marathon and thinks she can win...

I told her she’s got no chance cuz she’s always just running a little behind.

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I petition that we rename classrooms to classwombs

Then maybe republicans will give a fuck about kids dying in them

Petition to ban all r/Fencing members from r/Jokes

Too many ripostes.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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A man is shopping at an adult video store when the cashier tells him, "If you're looking for something extra, check out the room in the back..."

Curious, the man heads to the back of the store and finds a long hallway lined with gloryholes. As soon as he walks in, he hears seductive coos and beckoning comments from behind each wall. Peering into some of the holes, he is surprised to see gorgeous women from all around the world waiting on the...

In the time of the Holy Roman Empire

There was a chronic shortage of hay with which to feed the Army's horses. So much so that the Emperor issued a mandate that restricted its use, even going as far as cutting in half the width of all brooms.

This became standard use and over time no one questioned it. With the exception of lowl...

Men call short women "petite". What do women call short men?

Um, yeh, they don't call.

Source: I'm not a tall man.

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I'm creating a petition based on the position of peoples belly buttons, so...

Are you in or out?

What does Kevin Spacey say when he's about to eat?

"bone a petite"

How do I know that petite women don't like being objectified?

Let's just say a *little bird* told me.

I started a petition to ban people from collecting autographs.

So far I've got 5,000 signatures.

Petition to start a rock season in the mountains...

Please don't take this for granite.

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The Twelve Thank-You Notes of Christmas

Dearest John:

I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.

With dearest love and affection, Agnes

December 15th

Dearest John:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gi...

"Hello sir would you like to sign this petition in support of the Cheese Act that congress is trying to pass?"

"Yeah sure I'm pro-volone"

There's a petition going around to name the black hole after Chris Cornell from Soundgarden

There gonna call it the cornhole

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What's Mr T's favourite kind of yoghurt

PETITS FILOUS!

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A judge is hearing Mickey Mouse's divorce petition.

After listening to his argument, the judge shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, Mr. Mouse. Your wife Minnie having an eccentric personality is not valid grounds for divorce, I'm afraid."

"Your honor," Mickey replies. "I didn't say she was eccentric, I said she was fucking Goofy!"

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool... (/r/AskReddit comments section liked it and I was told that you might like it, too)

*It's a joke I know in french. So I tried to translate it and did some improvments since my first comment, too:*

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool.

The lifeguard asks to the class: "Does any one of you already know how to swim?"

Then the little Dimitri, all excited, an...

There's a bipartisan group petitioning for medical marijuana as an option for arthritis patients.

In other words, there's joint support for joint support for joint support.

Irving Lipchitz always hated his name. As soon as he turned 18, he petitioned to have it legally changed.

The judge was very understanding and asked Irving if he had any outstanding debts, and confirmed he had no criminal history. His character confirmed, the judge granted his wish: “and what would you like your new name to be son?”

“DAVID Lipchitz.”

I had a Thai massage at the weekend...

Nothing dodgy - the wife had a token for one of those health clubs. So I strips down to my birthday suit and lie face down on the table. This very petite, but very gorgeous Thai girl comes in and starts to give me a very firm yet very relaxing massage. She’s totally stunning and as I’m lying there I...

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The Queen of England Was on a Tour...

...at one of America's finest hospitals when she passed a ward and spotted a male patient stroking the salami.

"My word, if that isn't the repulsive thing I've ever seen!" she gasped.

"I'm terribly sorry, Your Majesty," the doctor leading the tour said, "this patient has a serious cond...

[nsfw] A chef had a one night stand with a 5 foot tall girl.

Shouldn't come as a surprise, really. Chefs like to bone a petite.

I petitioned to rename a Canadian province...

Their government would have Nunavut

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That Ol' Gloria (NSFW)

Gloria was not a pretty woman. She had never been in love and only rarely had laid with a man. Alone by the time of her 55th birthday, her only accomplishments in life were a storied golf career and her many rescued cats. Sadly, in her misery and depression, Gloria took her own life. Written in her ...

Petition to change "readers" to "Jokesters"

Readers just isn't appropriate for this sub-reddit, c'mon guys.
For those who have no idea what I am talking about, you can change this: http://i.imgur.com/uoRoH.jpg

In the small village the 5G transmitter was built.

Some time after building, the villagers started being angry about it. Soon, they made a petition against it. A secretary comes to the director of the project to inform him about the whole situation.
- Director, you may want to look at this.
- What is this?
- A petition against placing our t...

What was Trump's reaction to the petition for him to release his tax returns

Not my precedent

I can’t bear it

A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their whole lives studying the majestic grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study these wondrous beasts.

Finally, their request was granted and they immediately...

To everyone's surprise , our Mexican neighbors got the city to sign for a bill to restrict loud noisess

Nobody expects the Spanish din petition

What do you tell a person who wants to take a short nap?

"bon nap petit"

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What did the chef say to the exhibitionist?

Boner petit

It’s time to stop Alabamian stereotypes.

Me, my dad, my uncle, my mom, my aunt, and my grandfather have started a petition to stop these stereotypes.

We may only have 3 signatures, but we can start a change!

American Indian female wrestling

A tribe of Native Americans generally referred to their woman by the animal hide with which they made their blanket. Thus, one woman might be known as Squaw of Buffalo Hide, while another might be known as Squaw of Deer Hide. This tribe had a particularly large and strong woman, with a very unique...

Why do you want divorce?

Judge: Why do you want divorce?

Petitioner: My wife asks me to peel off garlic, cut onions, wash utensils.

Judge: What's the problem in this? Just warm up the Garlic, it will be easy to peel it. Before cutting Onions just chill them in the refrigerator and then while cutting them the ...

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Why do skeletons like having sex with short girls before eating?

They like to bone a petite

I business man decides to open a bar in small town in Texas...

It was quiet little town where lot of people were god fearing and church going folk.

His bar began construction on a new building on the same street as one of the town churches (one of twelve) to increase their business. The local Baptist church among other god fearing folk of course were sho...

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Every French waiter is an asshole to me, saying I have a small penis

They keep telling me "boner petite"

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I was at a party the other night.

I walked into the rager eager for a drink to quell my thirst, it was 9pm and things were just starting to heat up. A few steps through the door and I was greeted by a petit partygoer with flashing lights in her hair, she said something but I couldn't hear her over the DJ, but I wasn't really interes...

An old widower goes into a brothel

An old widower goes into a brothel.

"I want someone who reminds me of my deceased wife," he says.

"Certainly," the madam replies. "Now, was she blonde or brunette?"

"I don't remember." Says the widower.

"Well, was she short or tall?"

"I don't remember."
...

What did the man say after taking a small french woman to his room after dinner?

Bon a petite

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the French chef visit the sex therapist?

Boner Petite

What's Mr T's favourite dessert?

Petit Filous

(Credit goes to my ex wife for this one).

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a flat-breasted french woman?

Petits

A salesman is assigned a new route that takes him to Texas for the first time...

After finishing his first sales meeting in Texas, It was getting late so he checked into a hotel and went to its restaurant for dinner. He ordered a small beer. The waitress brought him a huge mug.

“Waitress” he said, “I ordered a small beer.” She said, “ This is Texas. In Texas that’s a sma...

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Today I received a message from Facebook

Fb : we would appreciate if you signed this petition

Me: what is it about ?

Fb: it’s about your continued faith in Facebook during these troubled times and requesting the govt not to put any sanctions

Me: you assholes stole our private information and sold it to others
...

In light of their recent legalization of marijuana, I will now be referring to Canada as "baked Alaska"

If anyone wants to start a petition you have my full support.

A man and his son were walking through a dark coastal town.

They couldn't fathom why it was so dark. So they made their ways to an old harbourside Inn, and spoke to the landlord. He said that since their only source of energy ran out the town was suffering blackouts and there was nothing they could do about it without the funding for some cleaner, greener en...

How many internet users does it take to change a light-bulb?

I dunno. Let's just sign a petition so that hopefully somebody will do it.

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How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Well first thousands sign a petition that the lightbulb needs to be changed, because it is using its ideology to change the room. The room was much better after the previous light bulb and we are going to go back to that. The lightbulb is a cunt. LIGHTBULB IS A CUNT. ITS ABOUT FREEDOM OF SPEECH AND ...

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Three men with speech impediments are in therapy

The therapist is blonde, petite, and tight as a drum.

She says to the men, "If you can tell me where you live without stuttering, I will suck your cock and let you cum in my mouth."

The first man stands up and stammers, "M-m-m-montana." He then sits down.

The next man says, "...

How to be Cool

1. Fill out a petition, file it with your local civil court, and pay the fees.
2. Publish your name change, if required, then attend your hearing.
3. Change your name on your Social Security card, ID card, and all other documentation.
4. If you are getting married, write your full, new name...

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NOT for the faint of heart!!

A small, skinny white guy got onto an elevator.

Just as the doors were closing, a huge, black dude walked on and stood next to him.

The big black guy looked down at the small white guy and said, "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 4 pound left ball, 4 pound right ball, Turner Bro...

The anti-drug campaign

Two men join a local anti-drug campaign. They walk up to the person running the campaign.

The man looks towards them and says,
"Ah, I'm guessing you two are here for the campaign."

The two men agree and the manager of the campaign said,

"Alright guys, we were just running a...

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A guy walks into a bar...

There's a sign there that reads:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grilled Cheese - $2

Handjob - $10

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He asks the petite bartender "Are you the little lady that gives the handjobs?"

Bartneder says "Why yes I am hun."

Guy says "well, wash those fuckin' hands...

Free shoes

A very beautiful brunette with long hair, long legs and a petite figure decided to go shopping for shoes. Her friends warned her that the old, lonely man who worked at the shoe-store would try to look up her skirt to see her panties.

She really wanted a pair of shoes but was dismayed that the...

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