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Pet Rock Jokes

teach pet rock new tricks

I decided to teach my pet rock how to roll a joint

Turns out he's been stoned the whole time!

I loved my pet rock

Our friendship was solid

Apparently some pet rocks are braver than others...

I understand they're a little boulder.

Some people had a pet rock when they were younger...

All I got was kidney stones!

Can I get an F in chat for my pet rock?

Had to have Sylvester put down today for killing two birds.

I named my pet rock after a wrestler

Stone Called Steve Austin

How do you punish your pet rock?

“You hit rock bottom”

My pet rock has a receding hairline

He’s a little boulder

When you have a pet rock

Friend: What are you doing?

Me: Training my pet rock

Friend: That's dumb

Pet Rock: *leaps from my hand & hits him in the face*

Me: No Rocky, No!

People tell me my pet rock is worthless...

but I think it has sedimental value.

I adopted a pet rock from the rescue shelter...

They told me he's had a hard life.

At least people that have hit rock bottom are disciplining their pet rocks

This joke brought to you by my ten year old son

My pet rock has started talking and asked me how babies were made.

I told him I would explain when he was a little boulder!

Fidget spinners are useless

Says the generation that bought 1.5 million pet rocks.

When i was little I had a pet rock I was always very strict on him about drug abuse

because i was afraid that he would be a stoner.

Schizophrenia is nothing to joke about

That's what my pet rock told me

A famous casting director dies and ascends to heaven.

He comes to Saint Peter before the pearly gates, and Peter asks him, “Why should I allow you into heaven?”

The casting director smiles and says, “Because I’m without sin.”

Peter raises an eyebrow, and asks, “Are you?”

“Yes, I am. You see, just before I died, I worked on a mov...

Bought a pet rock. It looked lonely so I bought another. I dunno how, but they started breeding. Months later there was gravel and stones everywhere. I couldn't take it anymore and had enough.

Threw it all in a canvas sack, weighed it down with a couple of puppies, and tossed it in the river.

Sun Devil Fans

What is the difference between a Sun Devil fan and a pet rock?

About 3 IQ points

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