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Pep Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to a High School pep rally....

The principal had announced earlier that day that he would make an inspirational speech for us. At the rally, he walked up to the microphone for his speech. But, all he did was look at the crowd, smiled, and stepped down.

We were left speechless.

If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills

# For all who know/knew that poem of Rudyard Kipling’s, “If”

**A delightful take-off!**

**If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,**

**If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,**

**If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,*...

As a fat guy I never really have more pep in my step...

But I do occasionally get a little more throttle in my waddle.

A politician visits a small tribal community

At a town hall meeting, the politician confidently proclaims, "I promise to lower food prices for everyone!" Without missing a beat, the chief shouts, "Oompa!" and the crowd erupts in applause.

Feeling emboldened, the politician continues, "I assure you, affordable healthcare for all!" ...

What kind of Doctor is Dr Pepper?

He’s a fizzician

This farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster that he would sell.

The other farmer says, "Yep, I've got this great rooster, named Kenny. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem." Well, Kenny the rooster costs $3,000, a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Kenny.

The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barny...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Horny Rooster

Horny Rooster

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that would service all of his many hens.

When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, "I have just the rooster for ...

English premier league - football

What does Guardiola do with the Manchester City team during half time ?

He gives a Pep talk.

Did you know that in Australia they don’t call their parents mom and dad...

...they call them wow and pep.

What do you get when you inject soda from a dirty needle?

Pep C

A man is overjoyed to find out that his wife has given birth to a baby girl, their second child.

Before entering the hospital room, the man gives his son a pep talk. "Son, before we go to see your baby sister, I have to inform you that she was born without ears. Please be nice, and don't mention anything to your mother."

"Ok", the son replied. Immediately upon entering the room, the son ...

A man with a clipboard walks up to a passer by on the high street.

“Excuse me sir, are you free to help with a survey I’m conducting?”

“Of course” says the man. “What’s it about?”

“My company is trying to survey what someone might like to hear as words of encouragement when they have indigestion. Please can you tell me what you would say to someone in...

I fed thousands of /r/jokes to the new OpenAI artificial intelligence (GPT-3), here's what it came up with.

Q: How do astronauts shower?
A: They take a spaceship!

Q: Where do birds go when they want to talk to each other?
A: Tweet-el

Q: What did the pepper do when he got excited?
A: He pepped up!

Q: What do you call a man who is trapped in a bush with a lion, tiger and bear?<...

A miner rests his bones after a very long shift.

"I don't think I can keep doing this for much longer," he tells his buddy at the bar.

"You just need a little pep in your step," his friend says, handing him a prescription bottle. "Take one of these twice a day and then see how you're feeling tomorrow."

Hesitantly, but without much t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A celebate man was about to get married...

He had been "saving himself" for marriage, and had never watched pornography or had any remotely sexual encounters. He was incredibly nervous about being able to perform on his wedding night, and went to his best man to talk about it.

His best man tried to give him a pep talk, but ultimately...

The Russian Pretzel. Slight NSFW

It is the day of the World Championship in Freestyle wrestling. Just before the Gold medal match, a coach is giving one last pep talk before his man goes on the match.
"O.k. This Russian is known as the best of all time. He has gone undefeated for 7 years now and it is all because of his famous P...

My kinesiology professor likes to tell jokes in class that he hears from other professors, friends or family. This was today's gem. Warning, there's a lot of lead-up, but that's just how my teacher seems to tell jokes.

So there was a football game in the jungle between all of the big animals and all of the small animals, to see who was the best and would get the best spots at the watering hole. In the first half of the game, the small animals were getting obliterated--they couldn't gain a single yard on the big an...

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