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Yo Mamma is like the inventor of the steamboat

They’re both a Fulton

A steamboat captain brought his son along on a short cruise upriver to show him what he does for a living, but all the kid wanted to do was steer the boat. Insisting that his father taught him enough to handle the job, he asked the pilot to let him take the helm...

"Okay..." said the pilot. "But you must pass a small test first. If I asked you to turn to the left, what nautical term should I use?"

"Turn to port!" said the boy.

"Correct!" said the pilot.

"If I wanted you to turn the boat to the right, what direction would that be?"

A man walks into a bar, at night

He walks in and is seated next to the most beautiful woman he's ever seen in his life. All he can think about is how he has to marry her. He strikes a conversation with her and they hit it off. They leave the bar and as they're walking out she gives him her number, her name was Lela.

They had...

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I wrote a letter to my dad (by Mitch Hedberg)

I wrote a letter to my dad.
I was gonna write: "I really enjoy being here",
but I accidentally wrote 'rarely' instead of 'really'.

I wanted to use it, I didn't want to cross it out,
so I wrote: "I rarely drive steamboats, dad.
There's a lot of shit you don't know a...

Wanna know something interesting about Roland Emmerich?

He owns one of those antique steamboats, the kind with the giant wheel on the back, and he actually sails with it. In rivers of course, the open ocean is far too choppy, and would damage the antique boat. Anyway, he's got an entire house set up on the boat, complete with living quarters, entertainme...

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