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Opener Jokes

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?

A can't opener

My can opener quit working last night.

Guess its a cant opener now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I need a good Knock Knock joke.

A profile on a dating profile had the prompt "I'm funnier than you," so my opener was "Knock Knock." And now I'm fucked cause I don't actually know any decent ones other than the Randy Feltface one, which doesn't work with text.

Edit: Picked one. Let's see how it goes. I did not pick any of t...

I lost my house key shaped like a bottle opener.

Now I worry about someone breaking in and opening all my beers

An explorer in the jungle saw a monkey with a tin opener. He called out to the monkey: 'You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana' ...

'I know' replied the monkey. 'I'm not stupid. This is for the custard'

Have you seen my impression of a tin opener?

It's uncanny.

Did you know to that tin can was invented 1810, but the can opener wouldn’t be invented for another 16 years?

So until then they were just called can’ts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all friends

Naturally, their mothers are blonde, brunette, and redheaded as well, and the ladies are chatting while their teenage daughters are hanging out in the other room.

The brunette says with a devilish grin, "Hey, let's look through the girls' purses and see what they're hiding from us." She...

I broke my can opener....

.... I guess it was a can't opener.

Source: happened when I tried to open a can of soup this morning.

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