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On Record Jokes

I would like to put on record my appreciation for the guys who play the triangle in orchestras.

Thanks for every ting.

Why does the Toyota Prius have more accidents on record than any other car?

It's really hard to drive safe while patting yourself on the back.

This Halloween was the scariest one on record.

All the kids went as ghosts. And all houses were abandoned.

Grandpa died in the hospital because they had the wrong blood type on record

It was a Type O.

Scientists are saying that this year was one of the warmest on record

Don't worry though, they say that every year

I asked old Maud how she lost her husband. She told me her sad story…

"Well, he needed a blood transfusion, but his blood type was not on record, so the doctors asked me if I knew what it was, as they urgently needed to know, in order to save my Norman's life.

Tragically, I've never known his blood type, so I only had time to sit and say goodbye.
I'll never ...

I saw a how-to page on record scratch and DJ techniques.

It was a wikki-wikki Wiki.

September: I had one of the worst hurricane months on record and Hugh Hefner died.

October: Hold my beer

The band Europe is rereleasing their greatest hits on records.

It's the vinyl countdown.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chuck Norris has been exposed to COVID-19 and has gone on record to his fans as saying "I'm going to kick the shit out of this thing."

After the quote, millions of people worldwide who fear they may be carrying the virus have begun hoarding toilet paper to await the inevitable.

My dad just won the nonexistent Grammy joke competition.

We're watching the Grammys as a family when the Sam Hunt and Carrie Underwood performance came up. We watched it in silence and then talked about the performance once it finished. My mother thought Sam Hunt looked similar to someone and thus the joke begins:

Mom: "Hmm. That guy looks like som...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Winter

It was autumn, and the Indians on the reservation asked their new chief if it was going to be a cold winter. Raised in the ways of the modern world, the chief had never been taught the old secrets and had no way of knowing whether the winter would be cold or mild. To be on the safe side, he advised ...

A very cold winter indeed!

A young First Nations chief in Canada has just taken over leadership of his tribe, and wants to do the very best for his people. Since it is autumn, he tells them they should gather firewood for the coming winter, so they start to do that. But the young chief still has doubts - what if they don't ...

A chimney sweep recently won $240,000 in a lottery

This is the largest sweep's take on record.

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