Grandpa died in the hospital because they had the wrong blood type on record

It was a Type O.

I would like to put on record my appreciation for the guys who play the triangle in orchestras.

Thanks for every ting.

This Halloween was the scariest one on record.

All the kids went as ghosts. And all houses were abandoned.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chuck Norris has been exposed to COVID-19 and has gone on record to his fans as saying "I'm going to kick the shit out of this thing."

After the quote, millions of people worldwide who fear they may be carrying the virus have begun hoarding toilet paper to await the inevitable.

Scientists are saying that this year was one of the warmest on record

Don't worry though, they say that every year

I saw a how-to page on record scratch and DJ techniques.

It was a wikki-wikki Wiki.

The band Europe is rereleasing their greatest hits on records.

It's the vinyl countdown.

What is the oldest joke we have on record? (X-post)

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/2krnv8/what_is_the_oldest_joke_we_have_on_record/

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was autumn, and the natives on the reservation asked their new chief if it was going to be a cold winter.

Raised in the ways of the modern world, the chief had never been taught the old secrets and had no way of knowing whether the winter would be cold or mild. To be on the safe side, he advised the tribe to collect wood and be prepared for a cold winter.

A few days later, as a practical aftertho...

My dad just won the nonexistent Grammy joke competition.

We're watching the Grammys as a family when the Sam Hunt and Carrie Underwood performance came up. We watched it in silence and then talked about the performance once it finished. My mother thought Sam Hunt looked similar to someone and thus the joke begins:

Mom: "Hmm. That guy looks like som...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Native American Chief was asked by somebody on his reservation how cold the coming winter will be...

He isn't sure what to say, but to be safe he responds, "It will be very cold. Start collecting firewood to prepare."

Later that week he realizes that he might be wrong with his prediction, so he walks into the city and uses a pay phone to call the local weather station.

He asks them, ...

A chimney sweep recently won $240,000 in a lottery

This is the largest sweep's take on record.

An Indian tribal chief

decided to call his local National Weather Service office to see what kind of winter was expected. The forecaster replied, "Well, it looks like it will be cold." So the chief gathered his tribe together and warned them that the winter would be cold, so they needed to start collecting fire wood.
<...

Preparing for Winter

One year, a young Indian boy was given the task of ensuring the entire village had enough wood for winter. This was the first time he had been given such an honor and he wanted to do it right. Before he went to work he decided to call the weatherman to ask what kind of a winter was to be expected. T...

The Indian Chief thought that it was going to be a bad winter

so he sent all the braves out to collect wood. As he watched them return laden with timber from the forest he suddenly felt that he ought to check his forecast so he phoned the local met office.

"Tell me, is it going to be a bad winter?"

"Yes" said the forecaster " it will be a bad one...

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