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Netherland Jokes

Netherland police found a little hole in the wall of women's changing rooms

Policemen are looking into it now.

The smartest man in Belgium moves to the Netherlands

Both countries had a significant drop in their average IQs

What do you call a pregnant woman from the Netherlands?

A Dutch oven!

The barbershop finally opened again in the Netherlands!

While i was being cut an old man came in.

"Listen", he said. "I need someone to trim my sideburns. I can't do it myself anymore because i got so many wrinkles and shaky hands."

"No problem", said the barber. "You're not the first one with this problem old friend, just keep this small w...

Why is getting high in Netherlands is allowed ?

So that they can be level with rest of the world.

Netherlands work ( personal experience )

So, English is not my first language, it's my third. I moved to Netherlands some time ago and I got my first job. Apparently people here are nice? And they also pay their taxes? Did you guys know that? Anyway, the manager of the factory I worked in approached me to say ''hello'' and introduce himsel...

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So the Belgians are pissed...

The king of Belgium is fed up that the Dutch make jokes about how dumb Belgians are. He goes to King Willem, of the Netherlands, and demands that the Dutch should do something stupid, so that the Belgians can laugh at the Dutch. Willem wants to maintain good relations so he says; "meh, we will build...

If your business doesn’t take off in The Netherlands…

Perhaps you should try to Sweden the deal.

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A dumb American is on a vacation to the Netherlands

When he came a cross a Dutch man in the bar who asked him if he knew what logic was. No said the American. So the Dutch man asked if he had a fish bowl. Yes said the American. So the Dutch man asked:
So if you have a fish bowl you probably also have a fish?

Yes said the American

So ...

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The people in netherland are stocking up with toilet paper and weed

For shits and giggles.

Code red for storm Eunice in The Netherlands

A friend of mine is now on Texel, one of the Dutch Wadden Islands, off the coast of The Netherlands. Sadly, the weather conditions there are very, very bad. The perceived temperature is close to freezing, lots of heavy rain, and wind gusts of close to 100 mph (150 km/h). They are now completely isol...

I, a French person, recently bought a female hamster from the Netherlands

Her name is 'Amster Dame.

Did you know that the Netherlands imports all oatmeal to avoid copyright laws?

Because if they produced locally they would be making Holland Oats.

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A virgin man and a virgin woman...

A virgin man and a virgin woman who never saw anyone from the other sex naked before, were riding on a camel through the desert. Then in the middle of the desert, the camel stopped walking and was tired, it was hungry, thirsty and there wasn’t any water or food. They waited for a while, but the came...

Why will Belgium go to war?

*This is a joke my dutch grandfather told me, the dutch make fun of Belgians*

Why will Belgium go to war with the Netherlands in 50 years?

Because that's when they understand the Belgian jokes they make about them.

Why will Belgium go to war with France in 50 years?

They ...

haha Belgians dumb

The King of Belgian visits the King of the Netherlands and laments that the Dutch people always make fun of the Belgian people. "Can't you just do something rediculously stupid? That way we have something to make fun of you. Just make a bridge in the middle of the desert, that would be so dumb"
<...

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Two Belgians walk into a police station

Two Belgians walk into a police station and say: "Our Dutch friend is missing. Please help us."

Officer: "Can you describe him to me?"

Belgians: "He's tall, has blue eyes and blonde hair"

Officer: "You described half the Netherlands with this. You got anything more specific?"...

The Netherlands....

50% Sea 50% Weed

If I were from the Netherlands, I'd start getting worried about global warming...

After all, Nomorelands is not that cool of a name

The Netherlands VS Greece (First impression )

So I moved to Netherlands some years ago and I'd like to share with you my experiences. Feel free to give me feedback in what you think.



So when I first grounded here, first think I did, I googled a super market and went to buy some cigarettes ( DO NOT SMOKE HERE, IT COSTS LIKE 10 EUR...

They are giving out a special award in the Netherlands this year

The man who invented the knock-knock joke is also getting a no bell prize.

Walking past a pet shop, a sign said; ‘Pedigree Netherlands cats for sale.’

I didn’t believe they were from the Netherlands so I went into the shop and asked the assistant... ‘How Dutch is that moggie in the window?’.

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An english and an american guy drive through the netherlands

While both guys enjoying a nice drive, the police pops up behind them and activivates their siren.

The englisman behind the wheel pulls over and opens his window. The policeofficer looks closely at both men and says 'We are looking for two group rapists'

The englishman closes his wind...

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag.

“Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them."

"That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too."

Why a Netherlander pilot can't never land his plane?

The Flying Dutchman can never make port.

Every time I eat eggs benedict I'm reminded of my time in the Netherlands.

You know, my Holland days.

After a large drive towards renewable energy... America has declared they will now invade the Netherlands...

To steal their wind!

In which European country it hurts more to be hit?

The Netherlands

Which countries did the Netherlands need to beat to get to the womens soccer final?

Most notably Spain but that was about 400 years ago.

A Frenchman, a Dutchman and a German walk into a bar...

Normally there also would've been a Belgian, an Englishman and an Italian, but they couldn't come since they're still at the European Championship.

Why do no planes fly to holland?

Because they netherland there.

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First visit to the famous red-light district

A guy goes to the Netherlands for the first time in his life and, of course, he doesn't want to miss visiting the famous red-light district.

While there, he ends up going into a place that supposedly offered the latest and greatest in sexual experiences. They lead him to a room, and he finds ...

The European conference

Centuries ago, a conference took place in Europe. The issue was finding a solution to flood control in The Netherlands. Now, the English delegate was a blatant racist against the Dutch, and couldn't care less about their lives. Each of the delegates from all around Europe were asked for their ideas,...

Who decided to call it pubic region and not

Netherlands

What's higher than the sky and lower than the sea?

The Netherlands.

U2 are one of Ireland's most successful bands.

Or according to their tax returns, one of Netherlands' least successful hardware store owners.

What's wrong with the plane that flies to Holland?

It Netherlands.

A Dutchman is driving in Belgium when he hits a Belgian car.

The Belgian whose car he hit was upset, as it was severely dented and the Dutchman was clearly at fault. But the Dutchman, unwilling to pay for the damages, managed to calm him down by explaining to him how to remove the dents: "Just blow into the exhaust, and the dents will pop out in no time". So ...

I fondly remember the good times of living in the Netherlands eating egg yolk based sauces

... ahhhh the hollandaise

TIL wooden shoe failure is responsible for multiple deaths each year in the Netherlands. The incidents are archived on this government website.

The Broken Clog Croakin' Blog

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A close call.

Yesterday I was walking on the streets in my hometown Rotterdam, in the Netherlands. I was about to go to the grocery store when I saw a black man running with a TV. I was afraid of it being mine, so I ran home as quick as possible, but luckily mine was still there, polishing my shoes.

I hear Metallica have an upcoming show in Amsterdam

"We're off to Nether-netherlands"

Captain John McGrue was one of the most respected explorers

Born in England, he became known for his seafaring skills at a young age. At the age of 20, he heard the legends of the greatest drinks in the world, a quest many explorers had tried, but unfortunately none could complete the trip. McGrue was talked out of it by every friend, until at 28, already an...

Once there was a foster kid named Jumprope

No one through YEARS of guessing and thinking could figure out why on earth his birth parents would give him such a dumb name. They finally figured out why when he took a DNA test to figure out his ancestry, both of his parents were from the Netherlands. He was double dutch.

A Bulgarian, an Arabian and a Hollander are sitting in a bar.

First, the Bulgarian drinks his beer, throws his glass in the air, grabs his pistol and shoots it in pieces.

"In Bulgaria, glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice."

Next, the Arabian drinks his strong liquor, throws his glass in the air, grabs his A...

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These puns are Capital!

So I had a productive day at work coming up with these Capital City puns a year ago today. Thought they were too good not to share!

Why did the Geordie arrange a holiday to Romania?

To book a rest!

Bob Mortimer was speaking to his comedy partner's wife saying he wanted to take h...

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