This is my horse, Mayo.

**Friend:** why did you call him that, he’s not even a white horse?

**Mayo:** [neighs]

To neigh, or not to neigh...

That is equestrian.

The cow goes 'moo.' The horse goes 'neigh'. The pig goes

Can I see your licence and registration?

Whats a horses favorite wine?

Chardonneigh

What’s a horse’ favorite dance move?

The neigh-neigh.

Horses are so disagreeable

Always neighing votes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three horses walk into a bar..

One horse trots up to the barman, the other two grab a seat at a table. The horse at the bar orders three beers and grabs them with its hooves, then walks on two legs and joins the other seated horses.

First horse says: " Shit guys, last night at my race, it was some crazy shit. I was way ahe...

Many horses were asked if they like being used for riding or other activities...

...the unanimously answer was "neigh".

If you’re ever offered Ketamine

Just say neigh

What did the horse put on his BLT?

Mayo-neigh-s

I recently bought a ornery horse named Mayo and have been trying to have a serious talk with him about his behavior but he never responds...

...After about the 4th or 5th try he looked me dead in the eye and said, "Mayo doesn't talk, Mayo neighs."

What do you call the pigs that live next to horses?

Neigh Boars

Knock knock

Who's there?

Quiet horse









*Whispers* "Neigh"

Why aren’t horses allowed in the Catholic church?

Because they’re neigh sayers

I have a family of horses living nextdoor to me.

They're my *neigh-*bors.

I have a horse named Mayo

He really like condiments. When he wants one Mayo neighs

Why are horses always contrarian?

All they say is neigh

If I ever get a horse I’m naming it “Mayo”

Because I can say “mayo neighs”

Two old men are having an argument over which one of them has lived their life to it's fullest

The first man, old, wrinkled and his scalp topped with few white strains of hair, proclaims:
>"I have only been able to achieve my proud age of 98 through a steadily upheld 6 hour workout routine on a daily basis. I may have lost some time, but it was completely worth it."

The second m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender goes: "Oh shit, horse! A horse!" He calls 911.

The patrons start freaking out: screaming, scrambling to escape. Drinks fall off tables. Glasses shatter.

The *horse* starts freaking out: knocking over tables, rearing, neighing, kicking like crazy.

One patron takes ...

As a farmer, my days can be a bit lonely. I find solace in discussing my dreams and goals with my animals. Well all of my animals except for the horses, never the horses...

I wouldn’t discuss anything with that group of neigh sayers.

My wife wants to break up with me because I would be too obsessed with horses.

I thought we'd have a stable relationship, but neigh...

What do you call a horse that lives nearby

A neigh-bour

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jack Black, Kyle Gass, and a horse walk into a bar

They sit down, order drinks, have a little bit of conversation.

The bartender is having a great time. The boys are funny, Jack Black is more charming in person than he has been in recent days. They're having some light banter about this and that.

The bartender asks them, "So boys...wha...

A bartender says to a customer, "Why the long face?"

The horse replied "Neigh."

What do you get when you cross horses with strong winds?

A tor*neigh*do

A man walks into his doctors

The man says "doctor help me I think I might be turning into a horse"
The doctor says "well have you had any symptoms"
The man says "neigh"

What's a horse's house called? A stable. What is a group of stables called?

A *neigh*bourhood

Kelly and Ron

Kelly: A cowboy rides into town on Friday, stays two days, and comes back on Friday. How is this possible?
Ron: The horse’s name is Friday, right?
Kelly: Correct, my good neigh-bor

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, “can I get you anything?”

The horse replies, “neigh.”

The Union Cavalry were in dire need of recruits...

General Grant decided to turn one infantry division into a cavalry division and sent the men back to boot camp for additional training.

Johnny was 19 years old and a brave soul, but looking at the rearing, neighing and feisty war horses, he had one concern.

“Excuse me Drill Sergeant!” ...

So what do you call a street where sheep and horses are fighting over turf?

A baaad neigh-borhood.

...

I'm glad none of you are close enough to punch me.

There's an 18th century family

The children want to play horsey with their dad.

Child 1: All those in favor of father being the horse say Aye

Child 2: Aye

Child 1: Aye

Child 2: Father, what do you say?

Father: Neigh

When asked if he will accept Trump’s invitation to the White House, Triple Crown winner Justify said

“Neigh.”

Why Can't the Horse Government Ever Pass Anything?

All they can say is neigh.

The person I moved next to lives on a horse farm.

I guess you could say she’s my *neigh*bor

Have you ever eaten horse meat before? No?

Me neigh-ther.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cowboy caught by the Indians

A cowboy was taken prisoner by a bunch of angry Indians. They were all prepared to kill him but their Chief declared that since they were celebrating the Great Spirit, they would grant the cowboy three wishes before he killing him. The cowboy can do nothing, but obey them.

The Chief comes up ...

What do you call the horse and sheep who live next door?

Your neigh-baas

What do you get when you cross a horse with a dead trend?

Neigh-Neigh

Why are horses the most unproductive animal to have in office meetings?

Because they're all just neigh-sayers

What sound does a duck make when you kick it?

Quack! What did you think?
What sound does a horse make when you kick it?
Neigh!
What sound does a pig make when you kick it?
BACKUP! I NEED BACKUP!

...

Not a cop hater... Just a joke.

What did Thor say to Sleipnir?

I say thee neigh!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher is with her kindergarten class, teaching them about animals.

She asks Suzy, "What sound does a cow make?" Suzy responds, "Moo." The teacher turns to Bobby, "What sound does a horse make?" Bobby responds, "Neigh." The teacher turns to Tyrone, the only black kid in class. "What sound does a pig make?" Tyrone responds, "FREEZE MOTHERFUCKER!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of car does a Japanese horse drive?

A neigh-san

Where do horses like to hang out?

In the neigh-bourhood.

There are some that are against the practice of eating horse

but I say never mind the neigh sayers.

Are you guys watching the Kentucky Derby?

Yay or neigh?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Horses are the biggest haters I know

Fucking neigh-sayers

What do you call a wine loving horse?

Chardon-neigh.

What do you call a horse that lives next to you?

A Neigh-bor.



Sorry for my horrible dad joke.

It is said that Roman Emperor Caligula made his horse a senator.

Nothing was ever passed, he always voted neigh.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three teenagers are lost in the woods...

They are very cold, hungry and thirsty. After wandering for several days, they stumble upon a small farm house in the middle of the forest. It has a small shack to the side, fit for animals such as pigs and horses. After discussing with each other for a bit, the hope of food and a warm place to slee...

A company testing on animals just got sued for testing a chapstick on horses that made their lips burn off.

They called it neigh-balm.

How do you greet the cold horse across the fence?

Howdy Neigh - Brr


Made up by my 4 year old son.

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