Mary Magdalene Jokes - 12 Hilarious Mary Magdalene Jokes

Why did Mary Magdalene have an affair with Jesus?

She heard about his second coming

Jesus paid Saint Peter a visit at the pearly gates

“How’s it going, Pete?”

“Kinda weird. Just had this nice older guy with a guitar come in, he said he was looking for a lost shaker of salt.

I said I don’t know where it is, but I thought I saw Mary Magdalene with one. He then just chuckled, said 'I knew it!' and walked away shaking h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mary Magdalene sends nudes to Jesus

Jesus: Sends picture of bread
Mary: WTF
Jesus: This is my body

Why was Mary Magdalene upset with Jesus?

Bevause he holy ghosted her.

What did Jesus do when Mary Magdalene tracked dirt through the house?

Jesus swept.

Mary Magdalene is about to be stoned for adultry

Just as the crowd was about to start throwing rocks, Jesus walks up and says "let him who is without sin cast the first stone." Nobody moves, but then a stone comes flying out from the crowd and hits Mary right in the face. Jesus turns to see who threw the stone and says "I told you not to bother me...

So the crowd is ready to stone Mary Magdalene when Jesus steps between them and her

saying, "Let anyone who is without sin cast the first stone."

Whereupon this middle-aged woman steps out of the crowd and lobs a rock the size of a pigeon egg, striking Jesus smack in the middle of the forehead.

Whereupon Jesus says, "Come off it, Ma!"

Jesus and Mary Magdalene were having difficulties in the bedroom. After the 2nd try, Jesus said...

"Don't worry, it'll rise again".

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In Texas, close to the border with Mexico, there was a priest who hated Mexicans

That Sunday, after reading the Bible, the priest started his sermon:

"Today we'll reflect on Peter's lie about being a follower of Jesus. That night, Peter acted as a coward and a liar, just like these damn Mexicans we see every day in this town!"

The whole congregation started to shou...

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Jesus On The Cross

This is a joke I heard some time ago. I'm paraphrasing real bad (from another language as well), but I'll try:

Jesus is on his cross, with his people grieving below him. Suddenly, he says:

"Mother, are you standing down there?"

To which she replies: "Yes, of course, my child."<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mary Gets Stoned

Jesus was drawing in the dirt with a stick, when a crowd of men brought Mary Magdalene in. They said they had caught her in the act of adultery and believed she should be stoned, but they asked Jesus to share his thoughts on the matter.

"Let him among you who is without sin cast the first st...

Three blondes die and go to Heaven.

Stop laughing, that's not the whole joke.

They're standing outside the Pearly Gates when St. Peter comes out and says, "Welcome to Heaven. We've been having some problems with break-ins lately, so I just need you to answer one simple question, and you can get in to Heaven. What is Easter?"...

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