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Lord Of The Rings Jokes

My university professors must really like Lord of the Rings

Whenever I ask them about my grades they just say "You shall not pass"

My wife woke up just now. She is dreaming and muttering about how she wrote the Lord of The Rings trilogy.

She’s Tolkien in her sleep.

I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings' and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life...

Must be the same ring I put on when I got married...

What do you call an STD from Lord of The Rings?

Gondorrhea

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL, in the original draft of Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King, JRR Tolkien wrote that Bilbo Baggins died while having sex with a dwarf prostitute…

Apparently old hobbits die hard.

I bought myself a 6 ft boomerang with Lord of the Rings characters on it.

It’s really hard to Frodo

What time did Tolkien finish Lord of the Rings?

At elven o'clock.

I finally understand the ending of Lord of the Rings!

All those names are people who worked on the movie.

Did you hear? Copies of The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, and The Silmarillion are considered one-of-a-kind when sold and traded.

They're Non-Fungible Tolkiens.

I don’t get how people have problems with diversity in Lord of the Rings

Legolas has been an arrow ace the whole time.

Which Lord of the Rings character was upset because he had no toys to play with?

Legoless.

Best films of all time Lord of the rings and the Hobbit trilogies...

Now that's what I'm Tolkien about.

I would tell some good Lord of the Rings jokes

but all the good ones ara-gone.

What is the name of the Shire that Gollum is from in Lord of the Rings?

The Worcestershire

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lord of the rings jokes

What's a musical ensemble comprised of brutish ugly elves? An orc-hestra...

Whenever I see a halfling I'm compulsed to shove them. It's a force of Hobbit.

You remember the talking trees? You never see their boobs because they're ghostly. You know: paranormal Ent-titties.

I want to make a lord of the rings themed metal band called

Nightmare on helms deep

What would Gandalf have said if The Lord of the Rings played in a supermarket instead of Middle-Earth?

One ring to rule the mall.

Lord of the rings must be about marriage

Because when you put the ring on, you disappear

Why did the Lord of the Rings author get kicked out of the movie theatre.

He was Tolkien all the way through.

What do you call it when you misplace your Lego Lord of the Rings mini figures?

A Lego Legolas Loss.

Bruce Willis has been cast to play the lead role in the upcoming Lord of the Rings sequel.

Old Hobbits Die Hard.

Lord of the Rings is symbolic of Marriage

One ring rules your life, it slowly destroys you, and sometimes, death seems easier than continuing on.

I hear that Legolas from the Lord of the Rings had an older brother, but he died before Legolas was born.

His name was Legofirst.

What do The Lord of the Rings and Brokeback Mountain have in common?

They're both movies about going to a mountain to destroy someone's ring.

"Aw man, who's going to agree to play Frodo in the Lord of the Rings movies?"

"Elijah Would."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Charles Dickens wrote The Lord of the Rings, how would the novel have started?

It was the best of Shires. It was the Worcestershires.

A Lord of the Rings Joke

How did Mister Baggins know when his neighbor had died?





He read it in the Hobbituary.

I was once obsessed with "The Lord of the Rings". The books, the movies, the collectables, everything.

Finally I was able to kick the hobbit.

Hand. Hand. River. Dirt. Gollum. Hobbits. Pockets. Pockets. Finger. Envelope. Fire. Hand. Neck. Neck. Finger. Hobbits. Neck. Neck. Neck. Pocket. Finger. LAVA.

- The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, from the perspective of the ring

Ringwraiths

My daughter watching Lord of the rings:

D: “So the hobbits call the nazgul the black riders right?”

Me: “yeah”

D: “the nazgul are like: ‘yo, that’s wraithist’”

Cue facepalm.

What is an accountant’s favourite Lord of the Rings movie?

The Return of the King

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I’ve got a porn parody idea for Lord of the Rings. The main character.....

Dildo Gaggins

For you Lord of the Rings fans: "How did Pippin's wife feel after he made love to her?"

FULL OF A TOOK!

Me and the lads did a Lord of The Rings marathon last weekend

Ran 26 miles dressed as Gandalf

Did you hear about the kid who lost his lord of the rings LEGO set?

He was LEGO less.

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Prostitutes are like the Elves from Lord of the Rings

When you know them well enough they tell you their true name

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I was trying to sleep last night. Here's what happened.

Some dude has this bed right beside mine, and he randomly started saying this:

"I was born in 1892 in Bloemfontein. I wrote The Hobbit and The Lord of The Rings..."

For fuck's sake he was Tolkien in his sleep!

Any Christmas Plans?

I'm going to a Lord of the Rings themed Christmas party, can't wait to eat, drink and be Merry.

A man goes to a psychiatrist due to a reoccurring dream...

He says to the shrink, "Sir, I've been dreaming that I wrote "The Lord of the Rings", night after night. What could this mean?"

The doctor ponders for a moment and says, "You've been Tolkien in your sleep."

Tried To Compromise

I recently broke up with my girlfriend. We just didn't have anything in common. But when that happens, you have to try to compromise. I tried to compromise with her. I remember one time I was like, 'Look, if you go with me to my "Lord of the Rings" fan fiction meet up group, I'll go with you to this...

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Isn't it ironic...

that there's no Tolkien black man in The Lord of the Rings?

Here are some few movie jokes:

The Shining: A family’s first Airbnb experience goes very wrong.

• The Lord of the Rings: Group spends nine hours returning jewelry.

• Titanic: Everyone tries the ice-bucket challenge.

• Beauty and the Beast: Stockholm syndrome works.

• The Chronicles of Narnia: Kid comes...

I went to an Apple Store and set up alarms on all of the phones. What is the name of the movie?

Lord of the rings

A new redditor comes to r/jokes

"Welcome!" Exclaims r/jokes.

"Hi," says the redditor, "tell me a funny joke please."

"Alright. Let me see what i can find." Replys r/jokes before heading off

While the redditor waits they, binge the entirety of Game of Thrones, watch the entire extended directors cut of...

What's Osama bin Laden's favorite movie?

Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.

Middle Earth Dreamer

A man is concerned about his dreams and goes to see a doctor.

"Doctor, I've been having these dreams about Middle Earth every night and when I wake up, I'm convinced that I wrote The Lord of the Rings!"

The doctor tells the man, "Don't worry about it, you're just Tolkien in your sleep....

Why Lord of The Rings was shot in New Zealand?

Because there are no Two Towers in U.S.A.

The similarity is uncanny

I recently learned about the movie/book The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

It's the story of a group of girls who discover a piece of clothing. At first, it seems pretty ordinary, but it has magical properties, to include magically resizing itself, thus fitting everyone, despite some cons...

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I think my friend might be gay

I went over to his house to watch Lord of the Rings, anyway do you remember how it begins with Bilbo celebrating his 111th birthday in the shire, reuniting with his old friend, Gandalf, Bilbo reveals that he intends to leave the Shire for one last adventure, and he leaves his inheritance, including ...

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