Every New Year's Eve, I look forward to a good show at Time's Square

...and year after year, they drop the ball

If there's one thing Americans can look forward to when the pandemic ends

Is that the average IQ of the population will increase.

My wife told me that she couldn't turn her neck because it hurts so much, so I told her to look forward to a massage tonight...

...Since she can't look sideways anyways...

Whenever I'm down, I always look forward to the light at the end of the tunnel.

I really hope it's a train this time.

I always look forward to the holidays on Reddit

to see who wins the repost wars.

I look forward to hearing Michelle Obama's speech again.

At the 2020 RNC.

God didn’t recognize you.

In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. “Will I die?” she asks.

God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.”

With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it and play with fate. So since she’s in the hospital, she ge...

You Might Be An Accountant If

you deduct Exlax as "Moving expenses".

you have no idea that GAP is also a clothing store.

while watching the movie Indecent Proposal you did a NPV calculation.

getting to sleep is an exciting event that you look forward to all day long.

your idea of trashing your hot...

My glasses have broken

I can barely look forward to buying new ones

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A newly deceased Englishman, stands at the pearly gates

St. Peter tells him that he cannot go to heaven right away because he cheated on his income taxes. The only way he might get into heaven would be to sleep with a stupid, ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it. The Englishman, decides that this is a small price to pay for an eternity in heav...

My Gramps just passed away. This was his favorite joke to tell.

*Sorry for the meta of this, I'm still reeling a little. I post two or three (or ten--sorry for breaking rules) jokes on this sub every day. A lot of them are simply awful, but they're all original, and my Gramps was a huge inspiration for me becoming a comedy "writer." But this is an old joke, and ...

An English lady, while vacationing in Switzerland, fell in love with a small town and the surrounding countryside.

She asked the pastor of a local church if he knew of any houses with rooms to rent that were close to town, but out in the country. The pastor kindly drove her out to see a house with a room to rent. She loved the house and decided to rent the room. Then, the lady returned to her home in England to ...

Hindsight is 20/20...

Because this year there's nothing to look forward to.


Credit: u/IveyRoney

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Driving is a lot of like sex.

When you’re a teenager, you’re excited to do it.

When you’re 40, you don’t really look forward to doing it much anymore.

If you can’t afford rent, you might do it for work.

A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day

A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion.

"What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job." replied the Pr...

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A farmer gets a letter

A humble farmer goes out to his mailbox, seeing that a letter has arrived.

"Dear Ronald J. Kse,

This year we have chosen you to be the host of this year's harvest reap! All you need to do is provide your humble farm as the place of the party, and we will all provide.

Thanks, you...

Letter to the IRS

## Letter to the IRS – Oh, if only paying our federal income tax were actually this easy …

Attn: IRS

Enclosed is my current tax return & payment.

Please take note of the attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see the Pentagon is paying $171....

"Your ticket, please..."

A group of mathematicians and a group of engineers are traveling together by train to attend a conference on mathematical methods in engineering. Each engineer has a ticket whereas only one of the mathematicians has one. Of course, the engineers laugh at the unworldly mathematicians and look forward...

The perfect guy

After a long run of many disappointing guys, this girl finally meets a guy of her dreams. They go on a date.

The girl asks: "you are really handsome, I really look forward to give it a try. Do you mind if I ask you few questions?"

The guy answers: "sure, what is it?"

The girl as...

A boy was once born without a body, only a head.

His parents were in total shock: their new child, only a head with a hand coming out from where the neck would be. Somehow, the child was in relatively good health, so they brought him home and cared for him as they would any other child.

Raising Head Boy presented with many challenges. He c...

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Bennedict Cumberbatch just said in a press conference that he wants to do 15 years more of Sherlock!

I mean, shit, that like, 6 episodes to look forward to!

There's a guy looking for a date..

He's a self proclaimed genius, and doesn't even consider a girl if she can't answer his old classic questions. One girl, a ginger, walks up, and he asks, "If a tree falls in the forest, but there is no one around to hear it, does it make a sound?" She couldn't answer, and gave up and left. A brunett...

On the bright side...

We can look forward to four more years of Michelle Obama speeches from our First Lady.

Diplomacy is the ability to tell someone to go to hell...

..in such a way that they look forward to the trip.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Afterlife for IRS Cheaters

Tony and his friend John die in a car accident and go to judgment. God tells Tony that because he cheated on his income taxes, the only way he can enter Heaven is to sleep with a stupid, ugly woman for the next five years.

A few days later, as Tony's walking in the park with his stupid, hideo...

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