Lance Armstrong Jokes - 25 Hilarious Lance Armstrong Jokes

Why was Lance Armstrong in so many commercials?

Because he was good at Peddling things.

What happened after Lance Armstrong was caught doping?

He took his ball and went home.

Lance Armstrong

I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong. Especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike

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Lance Armstrong only has his Right Testicle

Because the other one Left.

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Did you hear that Lance Armstrong has an NFT?

A Non-functional Testical

I wish everyone would lay off Lance Armstrong. What an amazing achievement to recover from testicular cancer and win the tour de France 7 consecutive times. I don't care he used drugs....

when I was on drugs I couldn't even find my bike.

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My girlfriend is a lot like Lance Armstrongs left testicle.

Shriveled up and died after heavy drug usage.

What do I have in common with Lance Armstrong's balls?

Both of us are single.

What type of pen does Lance Armstrong use?

A Uniball

[Request]Lance Armstrong Jokes

So I know it's strange, but apparently I've been asked to find some, so I'm turning to the internet's first authority on jokes. Other non-PC jokes are also welcome, but Lance Armstrong jokes are my top priority, if you would all be so kind. Thank you in advance :)

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What's the difference between Lance Armstrong and Hitler?

Lance could finish a race

Funny Lance Armstrong Joke

I just heard that Lance Armstrong got his medals taken away from him for using drugs.. This is crazy because, when I do drugs.. I can't even find my bike.

I met Lance Armstrong after a party

Me: So, Lance, how was the party?
Lance (Pensively glancing at the whisky): I had a ball.

Why such hate on Lance Armstrong?

I think his riding style is pretty dope.

New Year's Eve probably sucks for Lance Armstrong...

He can't enjoy watching the ball drop.

Lance Armstrong flew to NY yesterday to fight the allegations of doping.

... would have been more convincing if he'd taken a plane, though.

How many tries did it take to find out if Lance Armstrong was ticklish?

One testtickle

Have you guys had the new Lance Armstrong Trail Mix?

There's only one nut in the bag.

Did you hear about Lance Armstrong having a threesome?

He was killing two birds with one stone

What did the medieval knight say when he got caught doping?

“I was just getting my Lance Armstrong.”

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Since it was such a crappy day, I sat in my recliner and started thinking about life.

I came to realize that as I have grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore, a friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

Lance Armstrong ... I think i...

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A blond and a lawyer are flying to Cleveland

The man asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

Bored, he persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you do...

What do you call an ambulance with loads of steroids in it?

Ambu-Lance Armstrong

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I was recently diagnosed with testicular cancer, and learned they will have to amputate one of my testicles.

Now that's TWO things I share in common with Lance Armstrong.

If you ever feel down in life...

Just remember that you have just as many Tour de France medals as Lance Armstrong, and twice the balls.

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