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Keepers Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Keepers at a zoo realized that a lone female gorilla that was recently brought in for habitation was badly in heat.

Because of this the gorilla was acting very amorous with the keepers every time they tried to feed her. So they figured if she just had sex that she might calm down.

It was then they approached a rather dumb janitor and asked him if he'd like to have sex with the gorilla for $500.

The ...

Finders keepers

I found $10 in a pants pocket today.
It was a little awkward, since someone was still wearing the pants...

I went to the bee keepers to buy some bees. All the bees had price tags on them except one.

It was a freebie

A woman walks into a firearms store

Shop Keeper: How can I help you?

Woman: Sir, I need a gun so I can shoot my husband

Shop Keeper: there is no way in hell I am selling you a gun for that. That is just so wrong. I’m gonna go to jail if I do! Now get out!

The woman shows him a picture of her husband in bed with th...

No one believes seniors . . . Everyone thinks they are senile

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared...

The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper

She was wearing massive gloves

My new girlfriend is a keeper

She works at the zoo

Recently asked a friend, "What's the worst thing about being divorced three times?"

With some thought, he finally said, “Well, all of them were pretty good house keepers...”

“How is that a bad thing?” I wondered.

He replied, “Every time I've divorced, they've kept my house.”

My wife is a keeper

She kept the house, the car, and the bank account.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill Gates wakes up one morning...

...goes downstairs and is shocked to see his two polish housekeepers are nowhere to be seen.

He yells for his wife "Honey, where the hell have the maids gone?"

"Oh, Steve Jobs knocked on the door this morning" Replied his wife. "He offered both the house keepers twice what you're payin...

I tried to join this walking group, but was rejected because they said I didn't walk "the right way."

Man, I hate gait-keepers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man get’s a new job on a remote lighthouse. He is the youngest of the 4 lighthouse keepers.

When he arrives and starts to get to know the others he asks, “So what do you do for entertainment around here every night.”

“Well,” said the oldest keeper. “On Monday night we usually play a long game of chess.”

“That’s a shame,” the young man said. “I don’t play chess.”

“Never...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A zoo in CA has a rare gorilla. The last known female of that particular species.

Turns out a zoo in Tokyo has a male version of the gorilla. They decide to ship the male gorilla from Japan to the US to mate and save the species. The American zoo keepers start to worry because their female gorilla has never had sex before. The decision is made they need to warm her up to help wit...

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Which is why I’m so self conscious around bee keepers

A little girl goes to a pet shop and asks "Excuthe me do you have any widdle wabbits?"

The shop keepers heart melts.

He gets down on his knees so that he is on her level and says, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft, fuffy, bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown one over there..?"

The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, ...

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