Son walks in

And sees his mother jumping on his dad in bed

The day after son asks his mum what she was doing jumping on top of her dad and she replied that she was trying to remove air from his tummy.

Son replies"Mum is useless because the baby sitter keeps pumping him again"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 7 year old goes to a brothel...

and slaps a $10 dollar bill on the counter and says, "Give me a hooker!"

The madame, looked amused and says, "Get lost kid."

The kid then slaps a $50 on the counter and says, "Give me a hooker!!"

The madame raises an eyebrow, but before she could say anything the kid slaps a $...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Children wake up in the morning to find a strange man in their kitchen making some scrambled eggs...

They ask him: "Are you our new baby sitter?"

The guy replies: "No, I'm your new mother fucker."

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.

He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning.

"I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.

So he drags himself out of bed and goes...

I met a girl who used to take care of owls for rich people who had them as pets.

I asked her if she was an ornithologist. She was not. I said, "So you're just like a bird baby sitter?" "Of course not"., she replied.

"I'm a Hootenanny."

I'm trying to convince my wife that we should become polygamists.

If we married a housekeeper, baby sitter, and landscaper, we wouldn't have to pay them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wife gets drunk one night and thinking it would be a bit of fun, buys a voodoo doll of her husband.

She staggers home, drops the doll on the floor and falls in to bed. The next morning she wakes up, oblivious to what she had done the previous night.

Over the course of the next few days the husband experiences some very weird occurrences. He randomly develops cuts and bruises all over his b...

A little boy is in the bath with his mum and asks her what the hairy thing he found in the water is?

*”Oh, that’s just mummy’s sponge”* she replies
 

*”Ah thought so”* says the little boy *”The baby sitter has got one of those, I’ve seen her washing daddy’s face with it!”*

Did you hear about the kid who was afraid of monsters under the bed?

The kid's parents taught him to call under the bed every night and ask "Are there any monsters down there?". If you don't hear an answer, then you can go to sleep and know that it is safe.

Well, One night his parents went out and he was stuck with a stupid baby sitter. She completely ignored...

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