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Jitsu Jokes

I was standing at the bar of Terminal 3 in the International Airport when this small Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me, and starts drinking a beer

I asked him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate, or Ju-Jitsu?" 

He says "No, why the f\*\*k would you ask me that? Is it because I am Chinese?" 

"No", I said, "It's because you're drinking my beer, you little prick."

I was sitting at a bar last night

And this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.

I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu. He says no, WTF man!? Are you asking because I’m Chinese?

I said no, it’s because you’re drinking my beer.

Guys can we please begin calling Krav Maga "Jew Jitsu?"

I'm pretty serious about this but I don't know where to post it.

Why did David Carradine practice KungFu instead of JiuJitsu?

He didn't want someone else choking him out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which is the most kosher martial art?

Jew jitsu

What kind of martial art does a Rabbi use?

Jew-Jitsu

What kind of combat training do the recruits in the Israeli army receive?

Jew-Jitsu.

A man falls over unable to breathe

The woman he's with scans around the area and spots a man with a gi and black belt on.
"Do you know anything about choking?"
The man responds that he does, due to teaching Jiujitsu.
The woman urgently yells, "help I think he's going to pass out!"
To which the JiuJitsu teacher replies, "T...

A Brazilian Jiu Jitsu teacher and black belt told his Purple belt employee,

"We're going to have a match. If you can avoid being submitted for 10 minutes, I'll award you a black belt and I'll give you a raise. If I can get you in a chokehold and you can't escape, I'm going to fire you."

The employee agreed, and they started the match. Five minutes in, the teacher loc...

When Jacob wrestled god

Do you think he used jew-jitsu

I hear that if you draw a really good portrait of Jason Segel you will instantly be proficient in Karate, Taekwondo, and Jiu Jitsu

I think it has something to do with becoming a master Marshall artist

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the most popular form of martial arts in Israel?

Jew - Jitsu

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What Fighting technique does Hitler hate

Jew jitsu

What martial art does Earth know?

Geo-Jitsu

My son walked in on me and my wife "wrestling" on the bed.

We call it "wrestling" because he can't pronounce jiu-jitsu.

What do you call a rabbi who knows karate?

Jiu Jitsu

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’m not Rabbi-ing it

I was shocked to hear my Rabbi was going to start a martial arts studio...

He calls it Jew Jitsu

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The reason the nazis never conquered Brazil

Because they all knew jew jitsu

What do you call two rabbis fighting?

Jew-jitsu

On the night of his betrayal, how did Jesus defend himself?

Jew-Jitsu

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Jewish person learning self defense?

Jew Jitsu

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old cowboy is sitting at a bar next to a young Japanese man

An old cowboy is sitting at a bar next to a young Japanese man.

The cowboy turns to the Japanese man, scowling and grunts "Hey kid, do you know King Fu or Jiu Jitsu or somewhat?

Severely offended the Japanese man says, "Just because I'm 'Oriental' doesn't mean I know Martial Arts."...

An Australian and his two friends, kangaroo and wombat, were arguing who the best fighter were among them.

When suddenly a Crocodile appears in search of trouble. The friends thought this was their chance to prove their respective points.
The wombat was a master of Brazilian Jiu-jitsu and quickly took down the crocodile and have him tap out.
They let the latter rest and forced him to fight the kang...

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