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Kanye Jokes

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How did Kanye find out that Kim was bound, gagged, and held at gunpoint?

She released the video on pornhub.


(Too soon?)

Kanye said he is an intellectual who doesn't read books.

Which I get because I am an athlete that rarely moves.

When Kanye says “to find out who rules over you, look at who you cannot criticize”, does he mean…

kids with leukaemia? or battered wives?

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A racist, an anti-semite and a black man walk into a bar

“Hey Kanye!”

What's the opposite of Kanye?

A canoe. (sorry)

How did Kim Kardashian inform her kid that she and Kanye were separating?

“North, my relationship with West has gone south.”

As companies continue to cut ties with Kanye West...

Compass maker INMARK has also decided to drop West from their product line, leaving users lost and confused.

Kanye West was hospitalized...

Our thoughts and prayers go out to the hospital staff at this difficult time.

what kind of bubble water does kanye drink?

he always buy polar

How did Kanye commit suicide?

He jumped from the top of his ego.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Kanye West and Pikachu have in common?

During sex they both yell their own names.

What’s Kanye West’s brilliant economic plan as president?

To put 50 cent into the Treasury

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“A divorced dad, a Nazi, and a crazy person walk into a bar…”

The bartender looks up from polishing a glass and says “Oh, hi Kanye.”

Everyone is going crazy over that Kim and Kanye named their baby "North West" I believe she's going straight to the top...

And slightly to the left

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TIL that Kim Kardashian's giant ass has it's own birth certificate, and even has a legal name:

Kanye

A gift from Kanye

A gal walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I got an anonymous gift for Valentine's Day, but I'm pretty sure it's actually from Kanye West," she tells the bartender. "What makes you think that?" the bartender asks. "The bad wrapping," she replies.

OC: How did the pirate announce he'd banned Kanye from the treasure hunt?

“There be no gold for Ye here.“

So apparently Kanye West is running for president

My question is, will he let the other candidates finish their speeches?

What do Kanye and Trump have in common?

They are both "very stable geniuses"

What did Kanye do after getting dropped by Adidas?

Some Sole searching

Kanye went to a fortune teller to see what was in his future

The fortune teller told him that he will die on a Jewish holiday. Kanye asked how she could be so sure. "Any day" she replied "you die will be a Jewish holiday"

Kanye West shows up at Neil Armstrong's memorial service...

and says "Imma let you finish, but Micheal Jackson had one of the best moon walks of ALL TIME"

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Kanye just changed his name to Yitler, which pissed me off...

Like come on, man. Yedolf was right there!

What do you call Kanye after he gave up religion?

Ye of little faith!

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have named their newborn Psalm West. I have only one question.

Is it a hymn or a her?

How does Kanye West screw in a lightbulb?

He holds the lightbulb and the world revolves around him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump vs. Kanye 2020

Yeah. Fuck it, why not.

Kanye West

After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest. Then to school to take...

I like Kanye West as much as the next guy...

...as long as the next guy isn't Kanye West.

If Kanye West is running ...

I think Vanilla Ice should run for president at some point as well. He'd have a solid campaign slogan "If there was a problem, I'll solve it" and he'd make everyone collaborate and listen.

What does Kim say when Kanye is freaking out?

Yeezy Yeezy, calm down.

What does Kanye West eat for breakfast?

Omelette you finish this joke.

Why did Kanye support Donald Trump?

Because he couldn't afford 50 Cent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I couldn't remember the name of Kanye's new album

But then it Dondan me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why wasn't Kanye allowed to have a prostitute at his bachelor party?

Because you're not supposed to see the bride before the wedding

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Walking past the Intensive Care Unit, I heard Kanye's latest album blaring over the intercom.

I guess its true, Covid does affect your taste.

(Inspired by: u/FluffyTid)

Kanye says he's done with politics.

I guess it's the first step towards making America great again.

What would you hear if you had Michael Jackson and Kanye West in the same room?

YE-YE.

Kanye West inspires Donald Trump to become a rapper.

The name of his first album?

"*Orange Is The New Black"*

Why was Kanye's Christmas gift to Kim spoiled?

Because he's a bad wrapper

What is Kanye's favorite Transformer?

Bruce Jenner

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are divorcing.

After naming their kids after directions they're the ones going south.

What would Kanye’s first act as POTUS be?

He’d change “fish sticks” to “fish rods”

What happens when North becomes an adult and Kim finally admits to Kanye that North was never really his ?

“18 years, 18 years!”

Kanye West Concedes After Failing to Get 0.5% of Vote in Early Returns

Now he is an electoral college drop out

I laughed in disbelief when I saw Kanye West was running for president.

But with his recent incoherent twitter ramblings, he seems like he is more than qualified.

eeny, meeny, kanye, flo

you come to a fork in the road. the path to the left sports a sign guaranteeing a gruesome end to all trespassers. the one to the right looks clear, except for a skinny guy with a hat who freestyles rhyming insults at you. do you risk certain doom… or chance the rapper?

Kanye releasing a Coronavirus song was in really poor taste,

but damn was it catchy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Kanye name his dog P Diddy?

So he can scoop Diddy's poops

Why did Donald Trump invite Kanye West round to help with his Christmas presents?

Because Kanye is Trump's favourite wrapper.

Kanye West compares himself to Michelangelo, Picasso, Walt Disney, and Steve Jobs.

Apparently none of them could sing, either.

What is Kanye West's favourite kind of omelette?

Omeletteyoufinish


-stolen from raininginreverse on tumblr.

If Kanye West and Kim Kardashian both caught on fire in your gym and you only had ONE bucket of water.....

.... would you squat or deadlift first?

Kanye sold ugly shoes for $500 , no ones gonna top that!

Apple: hold my monitor

Kanye West is sitting at a bar having a drink.

He notices an old man sitting next to him tapping two coins in a rhythmic fashion.
"Excuse me," Kanye asks, "what are you doing with those coins?"
"Well," the old man answers, "these are two quarters. You can make a phone-call with them, or just tap them on the bar." And he continues to ta...

If Kanye West actually won the US Election and became the president, I think he would turn America into a communist nation.

Because he believes no one man should have all that power.

I was in this bar in LA, and Kanye West walks in...He looks around and just walks back out.

Oh well. Yeezy come, Yeezy go.

I knew a girl who went out with Kanye and then Chris Brown.

She said the difference was striking.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After deliberating for a long time, Kanye finally decided that Kim can no longer get new butt injections.

He's putting a cap on that ass.

How did Caitlyn Jenner and Kanye West settle an argument?

They went outside and exchanged blows.

Stan lee died and Kanye is still alive and well.

Now that’s a joke.

Kanye West was found alive in his apartment today.

Another sad day for the music industry in 2016.

How does Kanye make Kim Kardashian's eyes twinkle?

He shines a flashlight in her ear.

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