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Did you hear about the man who installed a window in his butt?

It was a pane in the ass.

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Walmart recently installed a medical kiosk and for $10 it would diagnose any condition through a urine sample.

When my friend went with a sore elbow, the computer printout read "You have tennis elbow. Soak it in warm water and avoid heavy work for 2 weeks" Impressed, my friend wondered if he could fool the machine.

He mixed tap water with dog crap, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and then pl...

A husband and wife are driving down the highway after getting the car repaired. The husband says, “The ride sure is quiet since we installed the new muffler, isn’t it honey?”

“Mmmfff mmf MMMFFF!”

[OC]

The government has installed the first publicly available enema station which they plan to eventually build across all major cities.

It has officially been declared public enema number one.

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One of my friends installed strobe lights in his bedroom.

He says the sex is the same, but his wife looks like she’s moving.

After years of never having enough hot water, and countless cold showers, we finally had an on-demand water heater installed, that provides unlimited hot water.

And although the plumber did an excellent installation and worked quickly, we did not express our appreciation.

It was a tankless job.

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The air in my apartment was so dry that we were getting shocked every time we touched a faucet or door knob. So, was I happy that my landlord finally installed a humidifier ?

I was ecstatic.

(So we're my kids, when I told them they weren't going to be grounded any more.)

While testing a newly installed computer, an Army officer asked the machine to predict the probability of World War Three and promptly received a one-word answer: "Yes."

Annoyed at the lack of detail, the officer
barked, "Yes, what?" Instantly the machine
replied, "Yes, sir!"

I’m so glad I installed a bidet on my toilet.

These are the kind of investments that are right up my alley!

I was feeling bad about the future today, but then I installed the new version of office.

It improved my outlook.

A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed.

A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"

The man replied, "130."

So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, and so on. The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool."

Another guy came in for a drink and th...

The new X Box Series or PS5 should have a CD stacker installed.

It would be a real game changer

I just installed a new app on my phone that lets me know which of my friends are racist.

It's called 'Facebook'

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My grandfather is really frustrated at the new stairlift installed in his house.

He said, “It’s driving me up the fucking wall.”

Three billionaires are out golfing together

Suddenly, a ringing sound is heard. The first of the three pulls an earpiece out of his pocket and takes a call. When finished, he brags to the others about how fancy it is.

After some time, another phone starts ringing. The second man starts talking seemingly into this air. When asked, he ex...

Prague just installed new Covid-19 testing stations.

They named them Czech points.

This isnt even a joke....

My recruiter at this job 5 years ago told me.

"being a trucker driving trucks over the road is like the only place i can think of where fapping is acceptable in the work place."

Until they installed driver facing cameras lol

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I installed a skylight in my apartment today...

You wouldn't believe how pissed off the people upstairs were.

Since I've installed Adblock Plus

All the girls in my area suddenly lost their interest in me.

Finally got a beer tap installed in our home.

But now my wife's complaining that she "can't have a regular bath".

I accidentally installed a program that keeps showing me a picture of a Chinese politician.

I think it's maoware.

An electrician installed two aeriels on the same roof . . .

The aeirels quickly fell in love, went on many dates and were soon married. The wedding went off without a hitch . . .

But there was no reception.

I installed anti virus software on my computer

Now my computer has autism

A year ago today, I installed a second mirror on the opposite wall from our first...

It’s something I always love to look back on.

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I bought my wife a stripper pole for our anniversary and installed it in our bedroom.

Whenever I ask her if she likes it, she just dances around the subject.

Ever since I installed Adblocker Plus things haven't been going so well..

All of a sudden chicks in my area are no longer interested in me.

My wife got mad at me because I didn’t appreciate the new marble kitchen countertops she had installed.

I’ll admit, I took them for granite.

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You decide to get some new water storage tanks for your house out in the countryside.

The plumber doing the installation, some guy called Terry, arrives hours late, completes the job way over schedule and overcharges you, so you give him the finger and pay him in one-cent coins (which you've saved for occasions like this). Terry says nothing and leaves, but unbeknownst to you, he fir...

A lighthouse was installed at an Alaskan cape near a remote Inuit village

The leader of the village opposed the installation, but the US government overruled him.

One foggy morning, the village leader said to his people, "I told you that thing no good. Look at it: light flash, bell ring, horn go woo-woo. But fog come in, just like always."

A mobile game called The Thug Life installed itself on my phone without my permission...

I didn't choose The Thug Life. The Thug Life chose me.

My company just installed an elevator that labels the ground floor as "2" and goes up from there.

It's wrong on so many levels.

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A soap factory had a problem.

They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the bar inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important these relationships were, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. They decided to hire an external engineering company to solve th...

After double doors had to be installed in the castle to allow for Henry VIII's massive frame, he was no longer the same man who enjoyed playing his horn or teaching his kids.

He was a two-door tooter Tudor too dour to tutor

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The young woman who submitted the tech support message presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself.

The query:
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications and intimacy, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 unin...

I installed Fortnite on my laptop and I already killed 20 kids

They should have known better than to approach a stranger offering them a free laptop with Fortnite on it

I wish Ford installed heated bumpers.

Would keep my hands warm while I’m pushing mine to the side of the freeway.

Old lady gets into a Merzedes-Benz taxi cab

As she hops in, the driver asks her where she's going. She gives him an adress, as she's just arrived to town to visit family.

They keep going for a bit, when the old lady notices the very characteristic Mercedes-Benz ornament emblem mounted on the hood.

"So what is that thing for?" s...

"Hello, you here to talk to me about Dinosaurs?"

Answer the door and see that its a sale man from an internet service provider. They have stopped at my house ten times in the last year to tell me about the digging in my area and I decided to have some fun with them today. Here is the conversation from today:

Me: Hello, you here to talk to m...

I had to call tech support for my computer the other day.

Tech Support: “It seems as though your operating system was installed backwards.”

Me: “So?”

Recently installed a shower bar.

Never been sober since.

I installed a new home alarm system I've never felt safer

I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch.


I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center.


The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service...

My Dad installed a shelf in the wall of the shower today. It's nice, but it wont appeal to everyone

It's a bit niche

New SUV

Well Gm has planned to relaunch the Hummer line as eco friendly electric trucks. To save even more electricity the horn had been removed from the deluxe model and a bell installed attached to a cable. It will be called the Humdinger edition.

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Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of new space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all ot...

Did you hear about the husband who found that his wife had run off with the man who installed their security system?

He became quite alarmed

I installed anti-virus on my PC

Now the damned thing has autism.

I recently installed a new Operating System. The problem is that it randomly deleted half of my files.

It is called Than OS.

How do you get Donald Trump to change a lightbulb?

You tell him Barack Obama installed it.

In Scotland, they are so mean with money that every home has double glazing installed.

So their kids can't hear the ice cream van

Two marketing executives were discussing what to call the new advertising signs that were being installed along the highway.

VP Phil: Let's call them Philboards

CEO Bill: I've just had a great idea!

What did the Pirate say to the plank as it was being installed on the ship?

Welcome a Board!

(Inspired by a comment I left on another post, though I'm confident it's been posted many times before)

My family is so generous...

They installed hardwood in my dining room.
I was floored.

I installed this new clickbait electrical system

What happened next was shocking

Boss just installed watsapp.

My boss just installed watsapp and texted me:


Boss: Hey, send me some jokes or something.


ME: Ok boss but please first tell when will I get a rise.


Boss: LMAO Nice one send more.

What did they say about Baghdad after they installed too many garbage cans?

It was Bin Laden

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A woman goes in for a facelift

The doctor tells her, “We have a revolutionary new device that we install on the back of your neck. Whenever you feel that you need more lift, you turn the knob on the device and it will tighten your skin.”

The woman is ecstatic and gets the device installed. She has it for about 6 months an...

I installed a pedometer app on my phone

But whichever direction I walk, I seem to be moving away from the kids.

My plumber insists on personally using every toilet he just installed.

His mission is to boldly go where no one has gone before.

Sorry Gene. We still love you.

What does a redditor do after his picket fence is installed?

He re-posts it.

My girlfriend Dora found out I installed Tinder.

She said, "Swiper no swiping!"

I had to fire the guy who installed dry wall in my house.

He screwed up the ceiling.

Why is it so dark in the apple headquarters?

Because they haven’t installed any Windows.

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I haven't felt at home since my wife installed security cameras.

Now I masturbate in the work toilets.

The police station installed "Safe Spots" for Craigslist sales...

Which is great because I always met in a park under a tree but it always seemed so shady.

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I was in the gents restrooms at the urinals with my whacky inventor friend when he told me that he'd installed a voice activated device on his penis to combat his mild incontinence by controlling the flow of his pee.

I said "piss off!" and sure enough it stopped.

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