UPJOKE
congenerethanoldizzinessglucosedehydrationbeerwineheadachenauseaacetaldehydeprostaglandinvasodilationalcoholicimmune systemvodka

Hungover Jokes

A man wakes up hungover, with no memory of coming home.

He realizes he's fully clothed in bed. He sees one of the lamps on a bedside table is broken, and he smells like he was sick on himself. He sits up and sees muddy tracks leading to his bed.

The man groans and holds his head, knowing he's going to be in big trouble with his wife. She then e...

Guy: I’m hungover

Girl: Stop flirting with me on the walkie talkies, someone’s gonna hear us. Over.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God was hungover…

(long)

God woke up with an unholy hangover.

He was rubbing His temples as one of His angels knocked gently on the door.

“Enter if you must!” God shouted.

"Sorry to disturb You, Sir," the angel said hesitantly. "But I wanted to congratulate you on yesterday's creations. F...

I made pancakes while hungover, but dropped them on the unswept floor.

Hair of the dog

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy wakes up, still hungover from the last night...

He notices his wife is being super nice to him - she makes him breakfast in bed, asks him if he needs anything, hums to herself happily.

Confused, he asks his kid: "Psst, hey, what's going on?".

The kid says: "Well, last night you came home drunk as a skunk, kicked the dog, vomited on...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Adam wakes up hungover as fuck and has no ribs.

"What the fuck happened last night!!??" Flashback to Adam and God drinking it up the night before. Adam: "ohhhh.. we're gonna need some hoes up in herrr!" God: .....

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides

The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people, the second is humbler, but has its fair share of wealth and power. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.

The kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it's a valuable r...

I’m not hungover

It’s just the wine flu.

What do middle eastern people say when they feel hungover?

I falafel.

The Hungover Chef

A Chef named Ted comes in early to work one Sunday morning, hungover from a crazy party the night before. In his tired state he begin to talk to all of the Breakfast food he's making for the brunch buffet about to start.

Ted looks over at the toast and asks "how are you feeling this morning ...

The worst part about going to work hungover

Is having to lie about having friends to drink with.

What is the term for calling into work ill, but you are actually just hungover?

Veisalgia. Seriously?! You came here for the coronavirus. Didn’t you?

A hungover guy at the bar...

tells the bartender he is going to quit drinking.

The bartender says: "You're my best customer. Why?"

The guy says "Remember how much I drank last night? I went home and blew chunks three times"

The bartender doesn't want to lose his best customer. He says "That's no big deal. ...

I woke up hungover to the sound of my neighbour mowing his lawn.

He will just have to mow around me because I'm not moving..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Turk who wakes up hungover with a sore ass after a long night with a hooker?

Mustaf bin Atrani

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three guys meet in class after a superbowl sunday, still super hungover from the night before.

The first guy pipes up and says 'Fuck. i got so drunk last night I blew chunks.' The second guy cuts him off nearly immediately screaming 'oh yeah? I was so drunk I emptied my bank account at the strip club after. I have no money to pay rent now.' The third guy laughs at both of them and said 'that'...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Sun God Heloios was hungover today. Unable to lift his radiant body out of bed he just stuck his blazing bare bum over the horizon...

... it was the crack of dawn.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Major and a Priest wake up...

A Major and a Priest wake up hungover and butt naked in a bush. After getting up, a group of people walk past them. The Priest quckly coveres his private parts with his hands. Meanwhile, the Major only covers his face. After the people are gone, the priest is upset and asks the major why he didn't c...

My father is a recovering alcoholic.

I've never seen him this hungover.

A hungover man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink of anything other than Coors Light...

Bartender: "What's wrong with Coors Light? It is one of the most popular beers."

Man: "Nothing wrong with it, but I drank 24 of them last night and I ended up blowing chunks."

Bartender: "It happens to the best of us, if you drink 24 of any drink you'd probably end up blowi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Visit to the in-laws

So Barry is visiting his in-laws after a night spent drinking heavily. In his hungover state he is desperate to do a fart, and tries to edge one out carefully, but loses control and it makes a loud trumpeting sound.


And the host yells at their dog "Get out of it Spot, get out from u...

A djinn visits three greedy men.

There were three men, an American, a German and an Indian. From thin air a djinn appears. He asks them one item they would love to consume.

The American says Cheese burgers, so the djinn puts him in a prison cell with years worth of cheese burgers inside and locks him up.

The German sa...

I'd been out drinking, and knew I'd had way too much to drive my car safely.

I knew there was a breath testing checkpoint between the bar and my place, so I decided to take a bus. Sure enough, when the bus reached the checkpoint we were waved through. This morning though when I woke up, hungover as balls, there was a damn bus on my lawn and I don't know what the hell is goin...

An anti-vaxxer is sitting at a bar.

He is a couple beers deep when the bartender shouts “Free shots for the bar! On that man over there!” And he points to a man the anti-vaxxer can’t see.

The bartender then proceeds to walk down the bar pouring shots for each patron. When he gets to the anti-vaxxer, the man stops him from pouri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Russians are going to war with germans

So russia declares war to germany... they plan out an attack... the soldiers start getting ready the day before.... and get thinking "Most of us will probably die tomorrow... we should get drunk". And so they do... they get completely wasted, sell all their tanks for more vodka, sell their guns, gre...

A limerick about my life right now

I might soon be resting in clover,

At the end of my days as a rover.

But I'm still not appeased

Whether I've got disease,

Or just that I'm really hungover.

“The Irishman” stars Italian actors and I think I know why...

...the Irish actors were too hungover to make it to set on time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An airline pilot was talking to his copilot...

... and he did not realize his arm was pressing the intercom button.

"God am I hungover, you know what I could use right now? A coffee and a blowjob."

A flight attendant in the midsection started running to the cockpit to make the pilot aware of his error.

A passenger yells afte...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Both of them.

A guy visits his friends house and finds his friend tired and hungover. His friend asks him to bring his slippers from upstairs. When he goes upstairs he sees two escorts his friend called for the night and tells them that the guy told him to bang both of them. The girls reply “are you sure ?, that...

A man walks into a bar

A man walks into his favorite bar, still hungover from the night before.

The bartender says “You don’t look so good. Want your usual?”

The man says “Yea, sure. You wouldn’t believe the night I had. It was horrible. I blew chunks.”

The bartender says “That’s no big deal; everyone...

Once upon a time, there was a triangular lake.

On each side of this lake there was a kingdom. Kingdom 1 was rich and proud. They showed off their wealth at every corner. Kingdom two was wealthy as well, but was humble about it. Kingdom 3 was in great debt, and was struggling to keep their citizens alive.

One day, the kingdoms started a wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got bitten by a mosquito last night

I bet that little bastard is really hungover now!

I'm currently a recovering alcoholic...

But I prefer the term "hungover."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Breakfast was a very late affair that day...

and the husband and wife were fragile indeed -- badly hungover from a particularly wild party the night before. Bleary eyed, with two trembling hands holding his very black coffee, our hero said to his wife, "Was it you I had anal sex with in the garden last night?"
She struggled to bring him int...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] You're Passionate!

A hungover, toothless eskimo woman is hitchiking on the side of the road, when a guy in a pick-up pulls over and asks her where she needs to go. "I need go to the liquor s(h)tore."
"All right, I'll take you," the man replies, "but you have to give me head."
"Ok," the eskimo replies, pulling he...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there is a mother and her daughter sitting on the plane.

They haven't taken off yet and are still on the runway. The daughter, who is pretty young, say four or five, looks out the window and gets to thinking....

"Mommy. If big dogs have puppies and big cats have kittens, then shouldn't big airplanes have little baby airplanes?"

And the mom, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler gets out of his morning shower and decides to check on his camps.

He dries his little handlebar and heads straight to Auschwitz to check on the Jews that he has gathered for safe keeping. Upon entering, he notices that none of his precious Jews are anywhere to be found. Hitler decides that they are probably finishing up in their morning shower as well, and goes to...

There were once three square kingdoms on different sides of a triangular river.

One night, the king of the first kingdom invited all the people of all three kingdoms over to the castle to celebrate his daughter’s 18th birthday. All the people of the kingdoms were enjoying themselves, until an argument between the three kings broke out between whose daughter was the most beautif...

Far off, in a distant land, there were three kingdoms.

Each kingdom had faced a side of a triangular lake. The first kingdom was the youngest, and wealthiest kingdom. They have the most business, biggest buildings, and the strongest military.

The second kingdom, is about 50 years older than the first. They aren't the wealthiest, but they are wel...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Before the Mother's day, the teacher gives her class an assignment to write an essay about their mothers.

"Mothers are really important in our lives," she says, "so I want you to write an essay titled "I've only got one mom".

The next day the teacher asks the kids to read their essay aloud. Little Samuel goes first:

"My mom works two jobs to take care of my sister and me, and she gets real...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple of bros go out for a weekend of partying before exams

Their original plan was to spend the saturday partying and then spend sunday studying, but they got so caught up in the fun the spent the entire weekend. Skip ahead to monday, the bros woke up late and hungover, and realizing they're late for their exam they rush to class.

When the professor ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Leprechaun nuns

So the Mother Superior of an Irish nunnery is sitting in her office when suddenly two Leprechauns walk through her door; one looking like he was walking off a bad hangover and the other looking like he's about to kill someone. After a short moment so that she could regain composure (because...you kn...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sam died...

And found himself in hell. Greeted by Satan, he started crying.
Confused, Satan asks him what's wrong?

Well, I'm in literal Hell! Answered Samuel.

Oh, it's not as bad here as you think. Tell me, do you drink?

Well, can't say I've ever spat in a glass, Samuel answered.
...

A group of friends are drinking at a neighborhood bar.

At closing time, one by one each friend says goodbye and leaves. The last man in the bar finishes his drink stands up and takes a step towards the door, He immediately falls flat on his face.

Lying on the floor he mumbles to himself "Dang, I must be more drunk than I thought. Maybe if I craw...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gary Smith

Gary Smith is employed at a small factory of a huge multinational corporation in the small town of Sandberg near LA. One day, the CEO decides to visit Gary's factory. Huge preparations are made to properly welcome the CEO. At one point, the CEO asks the following question.

'Hey, but where is ...

There are three kingdoms, one on each side of a roughly triangular lake...

One of the kingdoms is marvelous, almost every house build lavishly, the royal castle made of gold, protected by an army of shining, masterful knights. This gold kingdom is the most wealthy of the three.

One of the kingdoms is modestly wealthy, each house built to last and the castle a beauti...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Rare Dish

This is a long one.

An English cook is trying to build up his skills as a chef. He's been working for years learning all sorts of rare and unique dishes to serve at his mentor's restaurant.

One day a wealthy guest at the restaurant asks to meet the cook and says "While I enjoyed the me...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.