A couple has been married for 12 and a half years and the man wants to surprise his wife

So he tells her that they're going to Iceland.

His wife, all excited, replies: "Wow Iceland! That's so far away. So what will your plan be when we are married for 25 years?!"

"Then I'll come pick you up again."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

From my four and a half year old, while we're playing Minecraft together

"Do you know how to make the cows quiet daddy?"

Me: "I guess you just turn down the volume"

Him: "No, you press the moooot button!"

Good kid, good kid ... Made me laugh anyways

Did you hear that Jared Fogle got sentenced to 15 and a half years?

But he was happy with it cause it was under 18.

What do you call it when a pig picks its nose and eats it?

A hambooger

This joke is courtesy of my four and a half year old.

A cute little girls story

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.
I was maybe two and a half years old and had just recovered from an accident.
Someone had given me a little tea set as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.
Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news whe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A call from the hospital

A man comes home from work, and as he's opening the door, he hears the phone ringing. He puts down his toolbox, and picks up the receiver.

"Hello?"
"Hello, is this Steve Sanders?"
"Yes, it is..."
"Hello, Mr. Sanders. I regret to have to tell you that your wife has been in an awful ca...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy gets a job as a sacristan

and he gets along pretty well with the priest. Everything is in order, except that the Communion wine stocks don't seem to last very long.

One day, the priest calls him in and says: "Bob, you've been a very good sacristan so far. I have no reason to complain about your work, but I noticed tha...

A short tale of Timmy

Timmy loved tractors. When he was growing up his room was covered in them. He had tractor wallpaper, a tractor bed, tractor sheets, tractor pillowcases and not to mention all of the tractor toys which he would lovingly play with every day.

On Timmy's 13th birthday his parents decided to take...

Some tourists are marveling at dinosaur bones in a museum.

One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"

The guard replies, "They are 70 million, four years, and six months old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"

The guard answers, "Well, the din...

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