Funeral Parlor Jokes

I'm calling it "Die Agnostic Services."

My boss thought "smoking or non smoking?" was an inappropriate way to ask if they wanted cremation.

A lady was at the funeral parlor to see how they had prepared her deceased husband for the viewing.

She complained to the director that her husband was dressed in a black suit. Her brother in law had dropped off the black one and she said that her husband hated that suit and he preferred a l... read more

It was quite the undertaking.

It's called "Can you Bereave It"

After the funeral and burial he wrote a check to pay for the entire service.

A month later he received a letter from the funeral parlor. He opened it and saw it was a bill for a hundred dollars.

They must have overlooked some detail he thought so he wrote a check and sent it back to th... read more

Sitting opposite him is a man trying to bite into an apple.
"What's the matter?" asks Jack.
"I left my false teeth at home", the man replies.
Jack puts his hand in his pocket, "Here, try these", and hands him a set of false teeth.
"Thanks, but they're too big".
Jack hands him another... read more

As part of his last wishes he requests that his wife hire a comedian to do a set during his funeral because he did not want his funeral to be a sad ordeal.



The widow is reluctant but she places an ad and waits for a response. One by one, each comedian that responds quickly turns down... read more

Days pass until unfortunately, the wife dies.


At the funeral parlor, the undertaker approaches the man and after offering his condolences, says

'We have a wide range of services. We can bury your wife in a coffin like Christians, we can have a cremation like indians, mummification ... read more

when the mother-in-law unexpectedly passes away. Unsure of how to handle funeral proceedings so far from home, he asks a local funeral parlor in Jerusalem for advice.

"Well sir, if you bury her here in Jerusalem, it will cost you about $150".

"What about if I want to ship her body back... read more