UPJOKE
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Discord Jokes

So I was on discord and this guy tells me

I have an 11 kill streak.

So I asked on which game

He said, no I don't play games, I'm a police officer.

How many Discord users does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They prefer dark mode.

Not sure why Microsoft wants to buy Discord for $10 billion

When they could just download it for free

What is a discord moderator’s favorite musical chord?

A minor

My friends always ask me why I always stay invisible on Discord

I just reply that I love my GF and I always wanna be like her.

What social media platform do fetuses use?

discord

Told this to my friend over discord

Knock knock.
Who's There?
The cord.
The cord who?
Discord

r/jokes has a discord and you need to join!

Because I am getting pretty dam sick of y'all agreeing with each others.

My friend was testing his mic for Discord, I told him to get a Scope

So he wont have Troubleshooting

If there were a cord that insulted people...

It would be called a discord

Once upon a time, in the magical fantasy kingdom, there lived a young monk named Sam.

His order was renowned for their beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art. Their song floated down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the townspeople below.

Sam was particularly gifted, and on his 19th birthday, in mid-song,...

r/jokes now has a discord channel!

Great!! Now I can see reposted jokes in real-time.

What do you call a discord moderation bot?

Doesn't matter, hard to moderate discord

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old joke I read while searching for jokes on Discord with friends the other day. Not mine, but good regardless.

A businessman is getting ready to go on a long business trip across the country. He knows his wife is always getting horny, so he decides to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn’t much like the idea of her having sex with someone else.

So he went to a stor...

A chat server has been opened for world leaders to talk to one another,

and the world has fallen into chaos and Discord.

What's a bungee jumper's least favorite app?

Discord

A northern man goes on a date with a southern woman during his vacation to the south.

Southerner: What do you and your friends do in your free time?

Northerner: We love to play the well known game called Club Penguin. Our favorite activity is to spend hours together on the iceberg.

Southerner: I play Club Penguin too!



As the two people from different regi...

Circle

why did the shapes kicked circle out of their discord server?

Because circle was all edge, no point

I realized I am old.... I don't know what Discord is...

So I altavista'd it and apparently it's like ICQ..

Do you know which app is best fit to be used in the delivery room?

Discord!

A bar owner is looking for some new musical acts to spice up the ambiance of his establishment.

He goes online, trying to find some local up-and-coming bands. He finds a couple of okay options: some country, some rap, some metal… Nothing really sticks out as the next big thing to him though. He keeps at it for an entire weekend, struggling to find something he really likes.

He then stum...

In the early 1400's, a little town in France was down on its luck...

Unemployment was high, and everyone who needed money pretty much lived their lives in front of the job board in the middle of the town.

Well, one fine morning, the city priest walked to the center of town and posted a page that read, 'Help Wanted: Bell Ringer.' The groans that pervaded the cr...

In the City of Loafington, there lived a superhero named Wonderbread.

Wonderbread was, predictably, a superhero with bread-themed powers. He could beat up a gang with a baguette, trap someone in a giant pita, or cushion someone's fall with swiftly-rising dough. He was beloved by all in the city, for his escapades had the lovely side-effect of feeding the entire city f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Discordian Enlightenment

A serious young man found the conflicts of mid 20th Century America confusing. He went to many people seeking a way of resolving within himself the discords that troubled him, but he remained troubled.

One night in a coffee house, a self-ordained Zen Master said to him, "Go to the dilapidated...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A partisan joke for election day

Jacob, Jonah, and John aren't getting along very well in Heaven, and one day God gets tired of it and kicks them out. "I'm sick of you guys bickering. You don't appreciate the gifts I gave you. I want you guys to do something amazing. Work together and do something for the record books! As soon...

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