Sean Connery had a load of books fall on his head, thanks to dodgy DIY

He has only his shelf to blame

Did you hear about the man who had a billboard fall on his head?

He took it as a sign from above.

What does a chicken do when they fall on hard times?

Chicken strips

Ever been walking in the woods and had nuts fall on your head?

You just got treebagged.

I just witnessed my friend fall on the staircase, he was badly hurt so i came running and asked:

Are the stairs ok?

Breaking news: Sean Connery had a bunch of books fall on him.

When asked what happened, he said, "I'm ok, I only have my shelf to blame."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married couple, recently married fall on hard times...

and are about to be evicted. After much debate, they agree the wife will prostitute to earn the cash they need. That evening, they set up shop on the street below their apartment. The husband wishes her luck and says he'll be across the street in the car watching for her safety. After a short while,...

I had a turntable fall on my head a couple years ago.

But I'm perfectly fine, perfectly fine, perfectly fine.

I saw a poor old lady fall on the ice today

Atleast I think she was poor. She only had $.75 in her wallet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where do grammar Nazis fall on the political compass?

Alt-Write

I saw a man fall on the ground and his wife yelled, "Someone call him an ambulance!"

So I yelled back "Hey dude, you're an ambulance!" and left. Hope he's ok.

Why did the young railroad engineer fall on the tracks?

He was undertrained

What's black and long and has the ability to make any woman fall on the floor?

A police baton

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new highly infectious virus has broken out in Boston causing large amounts of people to sneeze so hard fall on their ass.

They’re calling the “mass achoo sits”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW: A man is exploring a cave when two large boulders fall on his leg, pinning him to the ground. A spider is the only one to hear his cries for help.

“I am the elder spider of this cave and will grant you one wish!” he says.
The man makes his wish and the spider calls all his brethren to watch. Thousands of spiders gather around, rubbing their hind legs and smacking their mandibles. The man is confused and a little scared but figures the sp...

An apple didn't fall on Isaac Newton's head.

He missed the gravity of the situation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man goes to a fortune teller

Fortune teller read his palm, look into a crystal ball, consult cards and then says:

"I'm sorry, but however I'm looking, all I get is, that you will be responsible for death of millions and millions of people."

Distraught man then thinks he can't live with that knowledge, so he decide...

A couple of tourists are taking a tour of Moscow.

As they are walking, the husband feels a drop of water fall on his face. He turns to his wife and says “I think it’s raining.” “No, it is definitely snowing.” Replies his wife. They started to argue, and the husband says “let’s not bicker, let’s ask our tour guide Rudolph whether it is officially sn...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Parrot at Church

There is a small church in a small community here in my hometown. It is full of all sorts of people. This one lady brought a parrot to church. This was not an ordinary parrot. The parrot was foul mouthed and swore a lot. One day, the preacher told the lady, “Ma’am, I am going to have to ask you to s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man buys a heavily discounted parrot from a pet store. As he's walking down the street, the parrot squawks obscenities at passersby.

Eventually, the man runs into the priest of his church.

"Good afternoon my son," said the priest. "And who might your feathered friend be?"

"FUCK YOU!" squawks the parrot.

"I'm terribly sorry," said the man, "I fully intend to break him of this obscene habit. I'll even teach him...

A old man gets called to Income Tax Office

A old man gets called to Income Tax Office.
He goes there with his lawyer.
Income Tax Officer (ITO) : You are so old, and live such a lavish life. We doubt your sources of income and hence have been called here

Old Man: I gamble
ITO: I think you are lying, prove it.

Old Man: ...

I Won't Allow Anyone to Insult Helen Keller's Accomplishments.

If you say she only became famous due to blind luck, your claim shall fall on deaf ears.

The man hobbled as he walked up to the Talking Tree on the edge of the clearing...

The man hobbled as he walked up to the Talking Tree on the edge of the clearing at the end of the path, as he had done at the close of every day for the last 73 turnings of the Earth. Never farther, for it was as far North as he ever went, and he came this far only to pour out his sorrows to the fin...

Do you know why divers fall backwards into the water.

If they fall forward they will fall on the boat floor

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