UPJOKE
msirivercountydevonenglandsouthpdfmillfilenameexecutableaviftpfreewareemacsdaemon

Exe Jokes

Crazy exes are like a box of chocolates

They'll kill your dog

Found a weird .exe file on your computer? Beware!

Could be a set up.

Just before breaking up with them, I would treat all my exes to mani-pedis, massages, and give them some spending money.

Father always taught me to leave stuff in better condition than how I found it.

When you keep a database about your exes,

if you make a new cell in a spreadsheet containing information about a previous SO who has gone to jail and is celibate against their will, it is an incel-in-cell ex-Excel cell

Two exes are texting..

Male Ex: Just ate a fish taco; it reminded me of you.

Female Ex: What a coincidence, because I ordered a pizza and it came in 20 seconds. It reminded me of you.

My girlfriend asked me how my exes were like

I told her medium rare

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some Exes are like farts...

By the time you realized they're actually pieces of shit its already too late.

When I die, I want all my exes to carry my coffin to the grave

So that they can let me down one last time

Inmates on death row should have prison ID’s ending in .EXE

Because, eventually, they are all executable.

My friends secretly downloaded a 700MB exe file into my laptop.

I think it's a huge setup.

I have no idea how many exes I have

But I can always change my Netflix password

I just found out that two of my exes are related

I knew that head felt familia..

I like my exes suicides how I like my whiskey

On the rocks.

Did you hear that all of Taylor Swift's exes are collaborating on a new album?

It's called "Maybe She's the Problem".

I used to date computer programs but that's over now

My girlfriend still worries that I may go back but I reply to her "they're just exes "

I like my exes like I like my msn messenger

Misremembered fondly but gone forever.

If Rolex had an app on PC what would be Its file name?

Rol.exe



Sorry for the trash pun, thought about it while walking in front of rolex

I thought they'd named a loaf of bread after one of my exes

then I realised it said Thick Cut

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple from Alabama got engaged

The wife was still friends with a lot of her exes, but her fiancé didn’t mind. He just didn’t want them at the wedding.

The wife agreed it would be awkward, saying that it would be weird if she invited someone she’s slept with. Her exes were a little upset about not being able to go to her w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my buddy I had a threesome with my crazy exes last night.

"That's fucking nuts", he said.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pig's orgasm usually lasts 30 minutes...

Which is strange because my exes only lasted about 30 seconds.

The golfer

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. As the night progresses, he finds himself with a very attractive woman and they hit it off immediately. He asks her out on a date. "But, before you say yes, I must warn you. I am an amateur golfer. Golfing is my life. Every free moment I'm out golfing. I rea...

What do guys who are into short girls and mobile game ads have in common?

They both have small exes.

I went into a cafe today to get some hot cocoa and sit down. The lady at the table next to me was on her computer and clearly becoming irate. She starts getting all huffy, throwing expletives here and there under her breath. Seconds later, she goes full crazy...

"You can't tell me what to do you stupid piece of trash!?!"

I happened to glance over at her screen and see this, she was in command prompt...

C:\Users\Karen>taskmgr.exe

I'm thinking about getting a job in radio.

All my friends say I've got the voice for radio.

And all my exes say I've got the face for it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I always thought I was good at sex

Then I found out all my exes had asthma

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“You just awoke.” Grandpa asks, “Why so blue?”

I reply “It appears I sent a drunk text to five of my exes last night before I slept.”

“I know how you feel.” He goes, “I had the same sadness whenever I did that before I met your granny.”

“You texted?” I ask.

“No,” he says, “Sometimes I’d wake up Sunday morning, open the drawe...

Follow your dreams.........

Text them. Text them again. Show up at their job. Find out if their exes are prettier than you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Installing a Husband.

**INSTALLING A HUSBAND**

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
...
In addition, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Topical Jokes (5/21)

Here we are, once again. It's time for some laugh-words.

First up, we've got some big movie news. "Transformers 4" is now updating its cast. To appeal more to the US box office, the evil Decepticons will be played by menacing vending machines that won't let go of your Doritos.

More mov...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.