When you keep a database about your exes,

if you make a new cell in a spreadsheet containing information about a previous SO who has gone to jail and is celibate against their will, it is an incel-in-cell ex-Excel cell

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A Guy goes to the bar in the 100th floor

He orders a Beer, exes it and goes to the balcony and jumps off. A guy sitting in the bar sees this and wants to call 911 but the Guys comes out of the elevator. The guy is a bit confused but doesn't say anything. The other orders another beer, exes it and goes to the balcony and jumps off.

H...

Exes are like chocolate.

They'll kill your dog.

Found a weird .exe file on your computer? Beware!

Could be a set up.

Did you hear that all of Taylor Swift's exes are collaborating on a new album?

It's called "Maybe She's the Problem".

When I die, I want all my exes to carry my coffin to the grave

So that they can let me down one last time

My girlfriend asked me how my exes were like

I told her medium rare

Inmates on death row should have prison ID’s ending in .EXE

Because, eventually, they are all executable.

ZERO equals ONE

A boy comes home from middle school and his father asks what he learned in school today, to which the boy responds, "ZERO equals ONE" yelling it practically. The father looks at him and says, "Son, zero is zero and one is one." But the boy continues yelling, annoyingly now, "ZERO equal ONE, ZERO e...

My friends secretly downloaded a 700MB exe file into my laptop.

I think it's a huge setup.

I have no idea how many exes I have

But I can always change my Netflix password

I just found out that two of my exes are related

I knew that head felt familia..

Two exes are texting..

Male Ex: Just ate a fish taco; it reminded me of you.

Female Ex: What a coincidence, because I ordered a pizza and it came in 20 seconds. It reminded me of you.

I can honestly say I've learned things from each one of my exes...

Patience

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Some Exes are like farts...

By the time you realized they're actually pieces of shit its already too late.

I like my exes suicides how I like my whiskey

On the rocks.

If you still had feelings for your exes and didn't know what to do..

Does that mean that you are in exes-tential crisis?

I like my exes like I like my msn messenger

Misremembered fondly but gone forever.

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I told my buddy I had a threesome with my crazy exes last night.

"That's fucking nuts", he said.

I thought they'd named a loaf of bread after one of my exes

then I realised it said Thick Cut

What do guys who are into short girls and mobile game ads have in common?

They both have small exes.

A u‌‌niversity s‌‌tudent w‌‌anted t‌‌o s‌‌it n‌‌ext t‌‌o o‌‌ne o‌‌f h‌‌is t‌‌eachers a‌‌t l‌‌unch.

However, t‌‌he t‌‌eacher l‌‌ooked a‌‌t t‌‌he s‌‌tudent w‌‌ith a‌‌n a‌‌rrogant f‌‌ace a‌‌nd s‌‌aid, "A s‌‌wan s‌‌han't b‌‌e f‌‌riends w‌‌ith a‌‌ p‌‌ig."

"Then I‌‌ s‌‌hall f‌‌ly o‌‌n", a‌‌nswered t‌‌he s‌‌tudent w‌‌ith a‌‌ s‌‌mile.

The t‌‌eacher w‌‌as c‌‌learly v‌‌exed b‌‌y t‌‌he c‌‌heek...

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A pig's orgasm usually lasts 30 minutes...

Which is strange because my exes only lasted about 30 seconds.

If Rolex had an app on PC what would be Its file name?

Rol.exe



Sorry for the trash pun, thought about it while walking in front of rolex

I used to date computer programs but that's over now

My girlfriend still worries that I may go back but I reply to her "they're just exes "

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“You just awoke.” Grandpa asks, “Why so blue?”

I reply “It appears I sent a drunk text to five of my exes last night before I slept.”

“I know how you feel.” He goes, “I had the same sadness whenever I did that before I met your granny.”

“You texted?” I ask.

“No,” he says, “Sometimes I’d wake up Sunday morning, open the drawe...

I'm thinking about getting a job in radio.

All my friends say I've got the voice for radio.

And all my exes say I've got the face for it.

Progression of the New Year's resolution:

Exercise
Exercis
Exerci
Exerc
Exer
Exe
Ex
E

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I always thought I was good at sex

Then I found out all my exes had asthma

Follow your dreams.........

Text them. Text them again. Show up at their job. Find out if their exes are prettier than you.

Family reunions must be really awkward in the south...

Especially when you see your exes there

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Installing a Husband.

**INSTALLING A HUSBAND**

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
...
In addition, ...

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Topical Jokes (5/21)

Here we are, once again. It's time for some laugh-words.

First up, we've got some big movie news. "Transformers 4" is now updating its cast. To appeal more to the US box office, the evil Decepticons will be played by menacing vending machines that won't let go of your Doritos.

More mov...

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