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Ctrl Jokes

Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?

Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!

Ctrl + C

Ctrl + V

Why did Karen press Ctrl+Alt+Delete?

She wanted to see the task manager.

I really shouldn't have pressed CTRL+Z.

It seemed like a good idea at the time, but it turned out to be my undoing.

V

V

*Edit: seems like the ctrl key on my keyboard is not working

My grandad asked me how to print on his computer...

I told him it’s Ctrl-P. He says he hasn’t been able to do that for ages.

A redhead, brunette and a blonde walk into a bar.

They were having a chat when the bartender asked them about thier opinions on elements.

The redhead says,"I love gold because I can buy a lot of cars with it."

The brunette says,"I would prefer platinum because it is more valuable than gold and can buy you more cars."

The blonde...

I ground up my ctrl key and gift wrapped it. The card reads:

This is ground ctrl.
TO: Major Tom


(Merry Christmas David Bowie!)

I feel like, in mythology, Neptune is just a copy of Poseidon

Like whoever created Neptune literally read what Poseidon’s main powers were and was like “Ctrl C”

What should Ukrainian soldiers paint on captured Russian tanks?

Ctrl-

A redditor walks into a bar...

v



Sorry, I think my ctrl key is broken.

I have three kids named Ctrl, Alt, and Del.

When they mess up, I hit them all at once.

I've just found out about the shortcut CTRL+a

This changes everything

My Dad told me specifically not to touch the keyboard...I pressed Ctrl-B

It was a bold move

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I want to have 3 kids and name them Ctrl, Alt, and Delete.

That way when they fuck up, I can hit them all at once.

In tech support, we get asked questions that seem like common sense. Today I told a guy "CTRL-P"...

...but he didn't make it to the bathroom.

What's the best way to be funny on Reddit?

Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V

What is Elon Musk's favourite keyboard shortcut?

ctrl + space + x

There are 3 keys to make a good joke

CTRL, C and V

I thought of a great name for an abortion clinic...

How about 'Birth Ctrl+Z' ?

Say you're a r/Jokes member without saying you're a r/Jokes member

Ctrl + C

Ctrl + V

What kind of behaviour could underline a serious problem in your relationship?

When you feel like your partner is always trying to Ctrl+U.

Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?

Ctrl-P

To all the haters out there, I think Melania Trump's speech hit all the right keys.

Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V

I’m using Excel and told the boss that I’ve been Ctrl+F’ing all day.

She asked me if that was a polite way of swearing.

How does Sean Connery shave?

Ctrl-Esh.

I smashed up my keyboard and couldnt find the last key

I lost Ctrl

How does Sean Connery shave?

Ctrl+esh. Like everyone elshe.

Safe travels, Sir.

A spider crawled on my computer

Don’t worry, it’s under ctrl

Why did Steve Jobs eat all the cookies?

Mac users have no CTRL

Did you know?

r/jokes users are descendants of the Greek god Poseidon

all they do is Ctrl C

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

v

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says “Hey! what are you doing?” The monkey says “Smoking a joint, come up and join me"

So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard sa...

Twitter have just created a keyboard shortcut that mutes all Neo-Conservative posts.

Ctrl + Alt + Right

Today I pulled a key off my keyboard [long]

Today I pulled one of the CTRL keys from my keyboard and was shocked to find myself looking down at the entire universe: stars planets, black holes, the whole thing was right there beneath my keyboard.

I was so shocked I called a friend in to show her. After five minutes of gazing into total...

How to write for Buzzfeed:

1) Go to Reddit

2) CTRL+C

3) CTRL+V

Chuck Norris jokes

When Chuck Norris' code throws exceptions, it's across the room.

Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.

Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people. And then the grenade exploded....

During the pandemic governments have told people to work from home.

So if you're a dominatrix you must press ctrl + U.

Did you hear about the ant who stored his food inside a keyboard?

He's got everything under CTRL

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from the keyboard factory yesterday

I wasn't putting in enough shifts, which I thought was some capital bullshit. They're such Ctrl freaks and now I need to find alternate work

Greetings to North Korea

How do we get Kim Jong Un back to being normal?

Press Ctrl+Z

A man had the most dangerous spider in the world, a Brown Recluse, stuck in his keyboard.

He called his wife about it.

"Hey honey, I have a venomous spider in my house!" He said.

"Oh my God, are you okay?" His wife asked.

"Yes, I have it under CTRL."

In a fit of rage I smashed my keyboard til all the keys popped off.

I guess you could say I lost Ctrl.

Teaching my father computer shortcuts

Father: " Son, I just don't understand some of these things, I want to ctrl D but when I do I end of pasting everything?"
My response "No dad, that's ctrl V"
Mother responds " Well he couldn't ctrl his D in my V 15 years ago either!"

How does the computer programmer potty train his son?

Ctrl+P

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This damn button keeps popping off my keyboard...

I swear I am about to lose fucking Ctrl.

Selling Paul Walker's keyboard on ebay ( $100 )

Disclaimer: it's missing a key ( previous owner lost CTRL ).

So I used to work in a keyboard factory

I got fired because I always lost CTRL and because of that I went HOME and lost a lot of SHIFTS. I guess F8 didn't want me to work there.

Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen died today

Unfortunately ctrl-alt-delete will not bring him back to life.


RIP Paul Allen.

A person who posts lots of jokes to r/jokes found that 3 keys on his keyboard is broken, what are those keys?

Ctrl,C, and V

Why do old people print so slowly?

They can't Ctrl P

The term, "Alt-Left" has been around for decades! Wow, it really takes me back.

If you spend a lot of time on Reddit you may like Ctrl-W as well.

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