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Why did the Eskimo put his dick in a beehive?

S'warm.

What does a shipbuilder have in common with an Eskimo?

They both love a tight seal

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?

Polaroids!

How did the Eskimo get into his igloo?

He just walked right Inuit

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Eskimo BJ

I asked an Eskimo Prositute for a blowjob once...

All she did was rub her nose on my dick

Eskimo

We threw a surprise house-warming party for our Eskimo mate.

He’s now homeless

How does an eskimo build his house ?

Igloos it together

What problem does the Eskimo photographer struggle with because he has a terrible habit of sitting all day on a slab of ice, waiting for his film to develop?

Polaroids

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What do you call an Eskimo flying an Aeroplane?

A pilot you fuckin racist twat.

Keeping my eye on you fella...

My eye Dr. is an Eskimo

I guess you could say I'm seeing an optical Aleutian

There was this Eskimo girl who spent the night with her boyfriend...

...and the next morning found out that she was six months pregnant.

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An Eskimo goes to New Zealand on a holiday

He hires a car to drive around but barely 100km into the journey his car breaks down ,he gets it towed to a mechanic on advice from the rental place, the mechanic pops the hood and says
“I see your problem here looks like you’ve blown a seal”, and the Eskimo replies angrily “at least I don’t fuc...

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Eskimo prostitutes.

Are they considered snow blowers?

What do eskimos hold their houses together with?

Igloo

What do millennial eskimos do Friday night with girls they like?

Net fish and chill.

Saw an Eskimo practicing MMA kicks.

He did a really good roundhouse.

My favorite Russian joke translated

An eskimo on his way home hails a taxi. As he's getting in, the taxi driver says "if you guess my riddle I'll take you home for free". The Eskimo says "ok go".

– Ok, he looks like me but isn't me.

– Hmm a raindeer?

– Nope.

– Shoot I give up.

– My brother!

...

What holds Eskimo houses together?

Iglue

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My girlfriend wants me to dress up as an Eskimo while having sex.

Some might think it's a little weird, but I'm innuit

What did the Eskimo man say when he caught his wife cheating with the neighbor?

Inuit!

If I want to bang an Eskimo...

Alaska

I tried to tell this joke to an Eskimo but..

Inuit

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What do you call an Eskimo prostitute?

A snow blower

Why do eskimos wash their clothes in Tide?

Because it’s too cold out Tide.

Eskimo 1: "Where were you the whole morning?" Eskimo 2: "Ice fishing." "What did you get?"

"Ice."

My Eskimo friend got his ski stolen.

Now he dresses in black, and is always depressed.

What kind of shoes does the eskimo businessman wear?

Low furs

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What do Eskimo musicians do before sex?

Coldplay

Eskimo: 'If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?' Priest: 'No, not if you did not know.'

Eskimo: 'Then why did you tell me?'

How do you know a pregnant eskimo is going to give birth

Her water cracks

I thought I was going to sleep with an Eskimo-girl

But, she wasn’t Inuit.

When I was a young man, I almost hooked up with an Eskimo girl once...

Turns out, she wasn’t really Inuit

What kind of Bathrooms do Eskimos use?

IgLoos

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Did you hear about the explorer who tried to have sex with an Eskimo but couldn't get it up?

He just wasn't Inuit.

Two Eskimos light a fire in their boat in an attempt to stay warm.

However, the fire burns through the boat and it sinks, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

Why did the Eskimo quit the soccer team?

Idk I guess he just wasn't inuit

What kind of STD can you get from an Eskimo?

Snow crabs.

I asked a group of people how they felt about the word "Eskimo".

None of them were Inuit.

Eskimo restaurant

I went to an Eskimo restaurant and asked the waiter about the specials.

He said: 'We've got whale meat, or whale meat, or whale meat... Or we've got the Vera Lynn.'

I said 'What's the Vera Lynn?'

He said 'Whale meat again.....’

What does a Canadian Eskimo say when he’s fed up?

“I’ll have Nunavut!”

An Eskimo's snowmobile breaks down

He brings it to the local mechanic who after some time pulls the whole engine apart and finds the problem.
Mechanic says "looks like you blew a seal"
Eskimos wipes his face quickly and says
"Oh, That's just mayonnaise"

Did you know that native Alaskans don’t like to be called Eskimos?

Inuit.

An Eskimo man turned 18...

His father said to him
"To be a true Eskimo man you must do three things. Drink a whole bottle of vodka, kill a polar bear with your own two hands and then make love to an eskimo woman."
"Alright lets get started." The man says and he starts chugging the bottle. After a minute or two he finish...

Two Eskimos have killed a walrus

and they are on their way to their settlement. They are pulling the walrus by the tail, but it's really hard to pull since its tusks keep digging into the snow and the tail continuously slips out of their grip.

Halfway home, they come across a geologist. The geologist sees their struggle and ...

So this Eskimo’s snowmobile breaks down.

He goes to a shop and has the mechanic look at it. Well this Eskimo goes outside to get a drink from the stream. He comes back in and the engineer looks at him, and say says “well it looks like you blew a seal” and to which the Eskimo replies “huh? Oh no I just drank water. It’s just ice on my beard...

The real name by which eskimos name themselfs?

I forgot but I swear Inuit earlier.

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White man wants to become an Eskimo..

He comes to Alaska and finds an Inupiaq village, he approaches the elder and asks "Elder, How do I become an Eskimo?" Elder thinks for a moment, "First you need to find a polar bear and kill it, then you find an eskimo woman and mate with her.." The white man left and noone saw him for 6 months unti...

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Eskimo’s car breaks down in Montana.

Mechanic says, “You blew a seal”

Eskimo says, “Yeah, you fucked a sheep.”

There's a new cosmetic surgery that makes you look like an Eskimo.

You might wanna look Inuit.

Two Eskimos sitting, paddling along in a kayak, when one felt a little chilly so he made a little pile of sticks and lit a fire in the craft.

His friend shouted at him to put it out, but the warning was ignored.
Unsurprisingly, the kayak sank quite quickly and finding themselves in the (cold) water, the second Eskimo whacked his idiot mate over the head with a now redundant paddle.
"Ouch!!" said the previously warm Eskimo, "what di...

An Eskimo buys a fridge

An Eskimo buys a fridge. His fellow Eskimo wonders: "What for?". The happy fridge owner answers: "To warm myself up. -50 degrees outside. -5 inside the fridge".

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Eskimo breaks down on a long road in Australia

Luckily there's an Australian farmer near to where he breaks down.

They pop the hood and the bloke takes a good look, turns to the Eskimo and says, "oh dear mate, looks like you blew a seal".

The Eskimo, infuriated immediately replies and says, " Hey, fuck you asshole, you shag sheep....

A detective and his partner were tracking a thief--their two suspects were an Eskimo and a Canadian.

The detective had told his partner he knew it was the Eskimo, but he didn't have any hard evidence to support his theory.

Finally, at a stakeout, they caught the criminal in the act--and sure enough, as they emerged from the shadows, the perpetrator was the Eskimo. Vindicated, the detective...

Two Eskimos were sitting in their kayak and started getting cold.

So they decided to build a fire. Of course shortly after the kakak sank.

The moral of the story is you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

An Eskimo goes to the mechanic

the mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal." and the Eskimo says "No, that's just frost on my mustache."

A man wants to be an Eskimo...

He meets with the chief and asks him what it would take to become an Eskimo. The chief, wary of letting a white man into his clan, devises a series of impossible challenges. He says, "If you truly want to become part of our Eskimo family, you must do three things:
1) You must drink one gallon of ...

What do you call a group of Eskimo extremists?

ICE-IS

n Eskimo was out for a drive

An Eskimo is out for a drive one day when his car breaks down and is forced to call a mechanic. Finally the mechanic arrives and he sets to work, looking under the bonnet until he locates the problem. He looks up at the Eskimo and says, "You've blown a seal, mate" to which the Eskimo hastily replies...

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I thought I was gonna have sex with an Eskimo one time...

But it turns out she wasn't Inuit.

How do you make a Eskimo lose his cool?

GLOBAL WARMING.

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A Priest goes to an Eskimo

Eskimo being far out in the wild did not know about religion and god etc. Priest tells him about god , heaven , hell , good deeds and bad deeds etc etc.
Then he says if you do bad things you will go to hell otherwise heaven.
Eskimo: Ok, But I have already done some bad things, So will I be go...

What's an Eskimo's favorite adhesive?

Igloo

'Hey, you wanna be Eskimo Brothers?'

''Na, I'm really not Inuit.'

An Eskimo cuts a whole in the ice

An eskimo cuts a hole in the ice and starts fishing
A big booming voice echoes "THERE ARE NO FISH HERE"
The Eskimo looks up and says "is that you God?"
The voice replies"NO IM THE OWNER OF THIS ICE RINK"

An Eskimo was driving into town...

On an uncommonly hot day, when the car lost power and steam starting rolling out from under the hood. He called a local garage who sent a tow-truck to retrieve him.

Knowing he’d want to get on the road before dark he asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic replies, "Not sure, I’ll have to ...

What do you call an Eskimo optometrist?

...An optical Aleutian.





I actually made this one up.
But if someone else said it first, I wouldn't be surprised.

Eskimos have seventy-eight words for different kinds of

anthropologists.

What do young Eskimos ride to school?

Ice-cycles.

I just tried to play the online Eskimo lottery.

But you have to be Inuit to win it.

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What do you call a sexually curious Eskimo?

Bi-polar

Donald Trump is such a good salesman he could sell ice to the Eskimos.

Which will come in handy considering his policies on global warming.

Why did no one like the Eskimo accountant?

Because he was cold and calculating.

What did the kid who could see dead eskimos say?

Icy dead people!

An Eskimo took his snowmobile to the mechanic

The mechanic tells the Eskimo that diagnostics will take a couple of hours. The Eskimo walks around town while he waits.

When the Eskimo gets back to the shop, the mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal".

The Eskimo says "No, I was eating ice cream"

Did you hear about the girl that was dating an Eskimo?

She broke it off.

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An eskimo pulls up to an intersection...

with a flat tire. A Welsh guy pulls up next to him and says:

"Hey, I think you've blown a seal!"

To which the eskimo replies:

"So what? You shag sheep."

What did the Eskimo say about the interface on his new iphone?

It was counter-inuitive.

An Eskimo brings his SUV into the shop for repairs.

Mechanic says, "Let me take a look. I'll be with you in a few min." The Eskimo notices they have an ice cream parlor next door, so he heads over while he waits. When he returns to the auto shop, the mechanic stops him and says, "Well... You need a fan belt and it looks like you blew a seal." The Esk...

Pregnant Eskimo

What did the eskimo say when her water broke?


Oh no, my ice cracked!

So I paid good money for an Eskimo escort, but I think I got ripped off...

I could tell she wasn't Inuit.

What do Eskimos and Tupperware have in common?

They both like tight seals!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahahahaha, get it? Aaahahahhahaha. THEY BOTH LIKE TIGHT SEALS!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahhhaaaahad. I need to stop drinking.

Three macho Eskimos were arguing about who had the coldest igloo, so they decided to check each in turn.

Three macho Eskimos were arguing about who had the coldest igloo, so they decided to check each in turn. Sure he’d clinched the argument, the first Eskimo pulled back his polar-bear-skin blanket and revealed that his bed was made of ice.

“Nah, mine’s colder,” claimed the second Eskimo. And wh...

What happened when the Eskimo teens went clubbing?

They got new fur coats.

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