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Eskimo Jokes

If I want to bang an Eskimo...

Alaska

Eskimo.

An Eskimo took 6 months to build an igloo, he was so proud of it he bragged to all his fellow Eskimos and invited them over for a party.


Silly move.

It was a house warming party...

Eskimo restaurant

I went to an Eskimo restaurant and asked the waiter about the specials.

He said: 'We've got whale meat, or whale meat, or whale meat... Or we've got the Vera Lynn.'

I said 'What's the Vera Lynn?'

He said 'Whale meat again.....’

I tried to have a threesome with two Eskimo girls

But they just weren’t Inuit.

Two Eskimos

sitting in a kayak and were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank.
Proving, once and for all, that you can’t have your Kayak and heat it too.

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Eskimo BJ

I asked an Eskimo Prositute for a blowjob once...

All she did was rub her nose on my dick

Eskimo

We threw a surprise house-warming party for our Eskimo mate.

He’s now homeless

How do eskimos get into their igloos?

They just walk right inuit.

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Eskimo prostitutes.

Are they considered snow blowers?

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice for too long?

Polaroids

My eye Dr. is an Eskimo

I guess you could say I'm seeing an optical Aleutian

There was this Eskimo girl who spent the night with her boyfriend...

...and the next morning found out that she was six months pregnant.

How do eskimos always know where to find the best Seals?

They use their inuition

Eskimo 1: "Where were you the whole morning?" Eskimo 2: "Ice fishing." "What did you get?"

"Ice."

Did you know that eskimos have their own lottery?

You have to be Inuit to win you it.

What holds Eskimo houses together?

Iglue

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An Eskimo goes to New Zealand on a holiday

He hires a car to drive around but barely 100km into the journey his car breaks down ,he gets it towed to a mechanic on advice from the rental place, the mechanic pops the hood and says
“I see your problem here looks like you’ve blown a seal”, and the Eskimo replies angrily “at least I don’t fuc...

A man was lost in the desert...

He hadn't eaten or drank for 3 days and was close to giving up.

He sees what looks like an Eskimo coming towards him. He rubs his eyes, sure that he's hallucinating but as they get closer, it still looks like an Eskimo!

The man asks the Eskimo 'can you help me, I'm lost?'

Th...

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What do you call an Eskimo prostitute?

A snow blower

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Why did the Eskimo put his dick in a beehive?

S'warm.

What does a shipbuilder have in common with an Eskimo?

They both love a tight seal

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What do you call an Eskimo flying an Aeroplane?

A pilot you fuckin racist twat.

Keeping my eye on you fella...

What do eskimos hold their houses together with?

Igloo

A man wants to be an Eskimo...

He meets with the chief and asks him what it would take to become an Eskimo. The chief, wary of letting a white man into his clan, devises a series of impossible challenges. He says, "If you truly want to become part of our Eskimo family, you must do three things:
1) You must drink one gallon of ...

Why didn't the Eskimo rub noses with his non-Eskimo girlfriend?

She just wasn't Inuit.

My Eskimo friend got his ski stolen.

Now he dresses in black, and is always depressed.

How does an eskimo build his house ?

Igloos it together

My ex girlfriend was really into Eskimo kisses

But I just wasn’t very Inuit

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Did you hear about the eskimo whose ass started to hurt after sitting for too long?

He got polaroids

What kind of shoes does the eskimo businessman wear?

Low furs

What kind of Bathrooms do Eskimos use?

IgLoos

So this Eskimo’s snowmobile breaks down.

He goes to a shop and has the mechanic look at it. Well this Eskimo goes outside to get a drink from the stream. He comes back in and the engineer looks at him, and say says “well it looks like you blew a seal” and to which the Eskimo replies “huh? Oh no I just drank water. It’s just ice on my beard...

What do millennial eskimos do Friday night with girls they like?

Net fish and chill.

An Eskimo man turned 18...

His father said to him
"To be a true Eskimo man you must do three things. Drink a whole bottle of vodka, kill a polar bear with your own two hands and then make love to an eskimo woman."
"Alright lets get started." The man says and he starts chugging the bottle. After a minute or two he finish...

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Eskimo dads are super serious guys.

They really are cold-ass mother fuckers.

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How does an eskimo have sex?

He goes inuit, outuit, inuit, outuit.

An Eskimo's snowmobile breaks down

He brings it to the local mechanic who after some time pulls the whole engine apart and finds the problem.
Mechanic says "looks like you blew a seal"
Eskimos wipes his face quickly and says
"Oh, That's just mayonnaise"

Why aren't there any Muslim Eskimos

When Ramadan falls in the summer they all starve to death.

n Eskimo was out for a drive

An Eskimo is out for a drive one day when his car breaks down and is forced to call a mechanic. Finally the mechanic arrives and he sets to work, looking under the bonnet until he locates the problem. He looks up at the Eskimo and says, "You've blown a seal, mate" to which the Eskimo hastily replies...

I thought I was going to sleep with an Eskimo-girl

But, she wasn’t Inuit.

An Eskimo buys a fridge

An Eskimo buys a fridge. His fellow Eskimo wonders: "What for?". The happy fridge owner answers: "To warm myself up. -50 degrees outside. -5 inside the fridge".

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My girlfriend wants me to dress up as an Eskimo while having sex.

Some might think it's a little weird, but I'm innuit

Why do eskimos wash their clothes in Tide?

Because it’s too cold out Tide.

An Eskimo goes to the mechanic

the mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal." and the Eskimo says "No, that's just frost on my mustache."

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White man wants to become an Eskimo..

He comes to Alaska and finds an Inupiaq village, he approaches the elder and asks "Elder, How do I become an Eskimo?" Elder thinks for a moment, "First you need to find a polar bear and kill it, then you find an eskimo woman and mate with her.." The white man left and noone saw him for 6 months unti...

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Hitler dies and God calls him

After Hitler dies, God calls him in His office. When he gets there, God asks "if I gave you the possibility to live another life, what would you do?"

Hitler answers "I'd kill all the Jews and twelve Eskimos".

God promptly asks "Why the Eskimos?".

"See, not even you care about Je...

An Eskimo cuts a whole in the ice

An eskimo cuts a hole in the ice and starts fishing
A big booming voice echoes "THERE ARE NO FISH HERE"
The Eskimo looks up and says "is that you God?"
The voice replies"NO IM THE OWNER OF THIS ICE RINK"

What kind of STD can you get from an Eskimo?

Snow crabs.

How do you know a pregnant eskimo is going to give birth

Her water cracks

Two Eskimos have killed a walrus

and they are on their way to their settlement. They are pulling the walrus by the tail, but it's really hard to pull since its tusks keep digging into the snow and the tail continuously slips out of their grip.

Halfway home, they come across a geologist. The geologist sees their struggle and ...

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Eskimo’s car breaks down in Montana.

Mechanic says, “You blew a seal”

Eskimo says, “Yeah, you fucked a sheep.”

Pregnant Eskimo

What did the eskimo say when her water broke?


Oh no, my ice cracked!

What do you call an Eskimo optometrist?

...An optical Aleutian.





I actually made this one up.
But if someone else said it first, I wouldn't be surprised.

What do you call a group of Eskimo extremists?

ICE-IS

What do young Eskimos ride to school?

Ice-cycles.

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Eskimo breaks down on a long road in Australia

Luckily there's an Australian farmer near to where he breaks down.

They pop the hood and the bloke takes a good look, turns to the Eskimo and says, "oh dear mate, looks like you blew a seal".

The Eskimo, infuriated immediately replies and says, " Hey, fuck you asshole, you shag sheep....

What did the Eskimo man say when he caught his wife cheating with the neighbor?

Inuit!

What's an Eskimo's favorite adhesive?

Igloo

An Eskimo was driving into town...

On an uncommonly hot day, when the car lost power and steam starting rolling out from under the hood. He called a local garage who sent a tow-truck to retrieve him.

Knowing he’d want to get on the road before dark he asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic replies, "Not sure, I’ll have to ...

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A Priest goes to an Eskimo

Eskimo being far out in the wild did not know about religion and god etc. Priest tells him about god , heaven , hell , good deeds and bad deeds etc etc.
Then he says if you do bad things you will go to hell otherwise heaven.
Eskimo: Ok, But I have already done some bad things, So will I be go...

What does a Canadian Eskimo say when he’s fed up?

“I’ll have Nunavut!”

I thought this girl was an Eskimo...

...so, I invited her to be in an Eskimo threesome.

Turns out, she wasn't Inuit.

The real name by which eskimos name themselfs?

I forgot but I swear Inuit earlier.

'Hey, you wanna be Eskimo Brothers?'

''Na, I'm really not Inuit.'

Two Eskimos light a fire in their boat in an attempt to stay warm.

However, the fire burns through the boat and it sinks, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

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Cold

There were these three Eskimos in Alaska, and one time while they were at their local bar, they got to talking about how cold it was outside, and how cold their igloos were. They could agree on everything but whose igloo was the coldest, so they decided to determine who, indeed, had the coldest iglo...

How do you make a Eskimo lose his cool?

GLOBAL WARMING.

An Eskimo took his snowmobile to the mechanic

The mechanic tells the Eskimo that diagnostics will take a couple of hours. The Eskimo walks around town while he waits.

When the Eskimo gets back to the shop, the mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal".

The Eskimo says "No, I was eating ice cream"

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What do you call a sexually curious Eskimo?

Bi-polar

I asked a group of people how they felt about the word "Eskimo".

None of them were Inuit.

There's a new cosmetic surgery that makes you look like an Eskimo.

You might wanna look Inuit.

Two Eskimos were sitting in their kayak and started getting cold.

So they decided to build a fire. Of course shortly after the kakak sank.

The moral of the story is you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

I just tried to play the online Eskimo lottery.

But you have to be Inuit to win it.

Did you know that native Alaskans don’t like to be called Eskimos?

Inuit.

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An eskimo pulls up to an intersection...

with a flat tire. A Welsh guy pulls up next to him and says:

"Hey, I think you've blown a seal!"

To which the eskimo replies:

"So what? You shag sheep."

Why did no one like the Eskimo accountant?

Because he was cold and calculating.

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