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Native American Jokes

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So Land O’Lakes got rid of the Native American on their package...

...But kept the land. Sounds oddly familiar.

Why do Native Americans hate April?

Because April showers bring May Flowers, and Mayflowers bring white people.

Did you know “Vegetarian” is a Native American word?

It means “Lousy Hunter”


I am Native American and this joke has been told to me a couple of times. Thought I’d share.

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A big city doctor visits an Native American tribe full of men and he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?"

"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey....

Why do Native Americans hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

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A native american hitchhiker was picked up by a slick

city man who was driving past the reservation.

As they were driving along, the indian noticed a brown paper bag on the dashboard and inquired as to its contents. The city man replied: "It's a bottle of wine, I got it for my wife".

The Indian looked forward at the road, nodded his head ...

A Native American walks into an Old West saloon followed shortly by a bear

The patrons freeze in fear, and the saloonkeeper points to the Native American man and whispers "There's a bear right behind you!"

The Native American man holds up a calm hand and says, "I can explain. Bear with me."

A Native American, Pirate, and Frenchman walk into a bar.

The bartender walks over and says, "Gentlemen, hau, arrrrrrr, oui, today?"

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A young Native American asks a tribal elder

A young Native American asks a tribal elder: "How do our people come up with the names for newborn babies?"

"Well," the elder replies, "we take inspiration from nature to come up with names. For example, do you see the stream over there? If a baby were to be born right now, we might call him ...

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Native American walks into a hotel.

Receptionist: “You have a reservation?”

Native American: “Fuck you man.”

Native American walks out.

There's an old Native American man that sits in a teepee along the road I take to work.

Every morning for a while now I stop in and ask him what the weather will be that day. Rain, snow, sun, clouds. He's always right.

Well yesterday I stopped in just like normal and asked what the weather was going to be like.

"Got no clue", he said.

I was shocked. "What's diffe...

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There once lived a strong, Native American man who had only one testicle

Everyone in the village called him "One stone" because of this, but nobody dared to say it to his face because he would kill anyone who directly said it him. Unfortunately, a woman in the village named Bluebird did not know about this. One morning, while she was walking past One Stone, she greeted h...

I was viewing a house being sold by a native american

i asked him if it came with running water,

He said 'no, get your own wife'

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What did the Native American pornstar call himself?

Spread Eagle

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Native American boy asks his father, the cheif questions

One day a young Native American boy asks his father, "Father, why is my sister's name Flowers in the Wind?" His father The Chief replies, "Well my son, on the morning your sister was born I stepped outside and named her the first thing that I saw. And what I saw was the pedals from flowers running w...

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A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his:

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out. "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said. "Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him and sh...

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A Native American came into my restaurant and asked for a table for four.

I said "Do you have a reservation?" and he told me to fuck off and stormed out.

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Mid 1800's, a Native American man leaves his people for the first time.

After a few day of wondering, he came across this small town. In this town was a saloon/brothel.

Upon entering the saloon, a lady of the night approached the traveler. "You look new to these parts honey."

"Mmm," say the traveler.

"Well, let me tell you all about our special," ...

A school teacher invited a Native American to give a presentation to his students about their culture

After discussing history, traditions and lifestyle, the conversation turned to language.

"One of the interesting things about our language," he said, "is that there are no cuss words."

"But then what do you say if you are hammering a nail and accidentally hit your finger?" asked a s...

A Native American shaman had an apprentice

One day the apprentice said to his mentor, "You take long trip. I try be shaman for summer."

The shaman asked, "Why should I take trip?"

The apprentice tried bribery. "If you take trip, I feed you belly full."

The shaman agreed, so the apprentice gave his mentor a big meal, and ...

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There once was a Native American who had only one testicle...

There once was a Native American who had only one testicle and whose given name was 'Onestone'.

He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!' ...

A tourist decides to visit a Native American Chief who is famous for his perfect memory.

"Okay, Chief..." says the tourist,

"Let's test that memory of yours. What did you eat for breakfast on May 9th, 1972?"

The Chief thinks for a moment, and responds "Eggs."

The tourist replies, "Wow, that's incredible! You really do have a perfect memory." and leaves.

...

Two native Americans are walking across the plains

Two Native Americans are walking through the Great Plains. Suddenly the ground started to rumble. One of them sticks his ear to the ground for a few seconds. He stands back up and motions to the other “Buffalo come”. The other looks at him and asks him how he knows. The first cups his hand to the si...

A redneck is hiking through the woods with two Native Americans

A redneck is hiking through the woods with two Native Americans. They happen across a cave. one of the Natives yells, "Whoop! Whoop!"

Another voice calls from the cave. "Whoop! Whoop!"

The man strips naked and runs into the cave.

"What was all that about?" The redneck asks...

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Native American names (dads old joke NSFW language)

A young Native American boy is asking his father about how he comes up with the names for his children.

The father says, "The moment a child is born we step outside and the first thing we see is what we name the child.

When your brother was born, I stepped out and saw an eagle soaring...

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I went to view a house on a Native American reservation.

"I like it" I said. "Does it come with running water?"

"Fuck off" He replied. "Get your own wife."

Have you heard of the Native American tribe that always get lost?

Weadafuhkahwee

Native American name - a true story

25 years ago, I worked with a guy named Kee Smith (last name changed here... this is really a real story). Kee was sort of a crunchy granola type of European ancestry. Eventually, he told the story about his unusual name.

He said he was born on a reservation, and he was placed in a bassinet...

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It was October and the Native Americans on a remote reservation...

asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught he old secrets.

When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he tol...

Native American that remembers everything

A guy was driving down the highway in Arizona and he sees a sign that says "Amazing Red Cloud, the Native American who remembers everything". So the guy pulls over and there under a canopy sits an Indian on a bucket. The guy asks the Native American, "What did you have for breakfast on July 8th, 198...

The leader of a Native American tribe just passed away

He was old and had been a wise leader for many years. After he passed a younger man became leader even though he had much less experience.
His first task as leader was to predict if the coming winter was going to be a mild one or a harsh one. In other words, did the tribe need to gather lots of w...

Since reddit has been all about native americans lately..

An Indian and a cowboy are walking through the prairie one day.
The Indian stops and puts his ear to the ground and says "ah, buffalo come."
In which the cowboy replies:
"Dang, you can tell that from stickin yer ear to the ground?"
Indian says:
"No. Ear sticky."

2 Native American animal trackers sit on their horses.

One gets down, lays his ear to the ground and after a moment he says "Buffalo come."
His friend asks "How you know?"
Then he stands up and touches the side of his face, "Sticky."

A Native American asked his chief about the coming winter

"How bad will this winter be?" He asked.

"It is good to be prepared. Get some firewood ready" replied the chief.

The chief then called his friend in the national weather service to ask him. " How bad will this winter be?"

The meteorologist said "this will be a pretty cold winter...

Did you hear about the Native American who drank 1000 glasses of tea?

He drown in his tea pee.

A Native American goes to court

and says: - "I want to change my name"

the clerk asks him: "What is your name?"

\-"The big round rock that rolled down the hill and fell into the creek"

\-"And what will your new name be?"

\-"Splash"

A cowboy finds himself captured by a tribe of Native Americans…

(Oldie, but goodie joke here)…

Anywhooo, the Natives tell the cowboy since he is their enemy they must put him to death. But, as is their custom, they won’t do so until he has spent 3 nights in their camp and each night, they shall grant him a wish.

As the first day, he says “I wish ...

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His Native American girlfriend was really shy...

...so, when she came to visit him at college, he hid her away in a hotel pretty far away from his school. He knew how crude his schoolmates could be and it wouldn't do for her to be exposed to such filth as these cretins would be likely to subject her to.

The whole week that she visited, she ...

An Native American chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant

The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated that he built her a teepee made of deer hide.

A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide.

The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief ...

In the early 1800s three explorers are captured by a Native American tribe

In the early 1800s three explorers are captured by a Native American tribe...A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Russian. They are all taken in front of the chief. The chief is furious that they trespassed on the scared ancestral burial land but says they would have one chance to redeem themselves. Nex...

The Native American

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male buffalo with the other He says to the waiter:

"Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Sure Chief. Coming right up."

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.....

The Indian drinks the coffee down in one ...

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World’s Smartest Native American

I and some buddies of mine were on vacation one year. We were driving on a long, dusty, barren road when we see a sign on the side of the road that says “World’s Smartest Native American”. So being all smug, we decide to go and check it out.

We get inside his dwelling and because we were so...

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A Native American boy

A Native American boy asked his father a question. “Dad, how did my sister, Beautiful Sunrise, get her name?”

“Well, I opened the teepee door and saw a beautiful sunrise on the morning of her birth.”

“That’s good, but what about my brother, Big Moon?”

“Well, I opened the teepee ...

A man meets a Native American with flawless memory...

When he meets this Native American Chief he notices he is older than most.
He asks the Chief many questions, and the Chief replies flawlessly to each one.

Then he thinks of a random date and asks the Chief, "What did you eat on October 18, 1987?" The Chief replies "Eggs".

He leaves ...

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A group of Native Americans are sitting around a campfire

A young brave asks the others, "When will I be given a name?"

"When you distinguish yourself in the tribe," answers Thundering Buffalo.

"Then the elders will recognize you with a name," says Rides By Moonlight.

"It is the proudest moment of a young brave's life," says Silent Wol...

The Longest Memory in the World

One day, a young man takes a trip out West and comes across a little Native American village. He decides, what the heck, he'll stop and look around. One of the Native women, seeing that he's not from around, tells the man he should visit the Chief, who she says has the longest and best memory in the...

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[Long] [NSFW] A man was born on a Native American reservation with one ballsack

The chief of a Native American reservation had a son who was born with only one ballsack, he was named one-stone because of this. One-stone grew up and moved to a modern day town and told everyone that if they called him One-stone he would kill them, so everyone believed him as he was very strong. O...

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Have you ever been to a Native American orgy?

It's fucking intense.

A man and his family walk into a bar. Inside of the bar, the man's youngest child sees a Native American sitting under a sign stating "World's longest memory".

The child walks up to sign and decides to test if this sign is true.

The child asks, "What did you have for breakfast 30 years ago?"

The Native American states, "eggs."

The child states that the native could have just made that up, and then later leaves the bar.

Years lat...

What does a Native American Biologist live in?

ATP

What do Native Americans call vegetarians?

One who is bad at hunting

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A young Native American boy is listening to his dad...

talk about how to read the skies, in order to know how much wood is needed for the winter. Being the youngest of two boys, as well as his older brother being the apple of his fathers eye, he knows he won't be made chief, so he saw no point in learning it. A few years later, a tradegy strikes the tri...

My favorite native american restaurant is shutting down.

They didn't get enough reservations.

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A Native American boy and his cheif are sitting in a teepee together.

The boy asks the chief, "How did my mother get her name?"

The chief replies, "Well, that is a good question. Women give birth in this very teepee, and I name them what I see outside the teepee at the moment of birth. Your mother, RunningDeer, was named because when I looked outside, I saw a d...

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How Native Americans get there names

One day a little Indian boy went up to his dad who was the chief and asked him how do Indians get there names. His dad looked at him and said "when your brother was born I went out tepee and saw, soaring eagle so I named him Soaring Eagle. When your sister was born I went out tepee and saw raging ri...

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A Native American Boy Walks into His Family Tipi

The boy looks at his father as he has grown curious in life lately and asks him,

"Dad, why is your name rising sun?"

The boys father looks at him and says,

"Well son, when i was born your grandparents went outside with me and that's the first thing they saw, the rising sun."
...

An indian (native American) drank 50 cups of tea.

Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.

A man is driving down the road when he sees a Native American in a booth that says "Chief Remembers All"

So the guy pulls over and says "So, you really remember all?" And the indian says "How, stranger. Yes, I remember all" So the guy says "Ok, what did you eat for breakfast 10 years ago?"

The indian contemplates for a second, and confidently says "Eggs" so the guy says "Oh sure...How do I know ...

What is The Joker's Native American name?

Walking Phoenix

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Old Native American joke

A young Indian boy was curious about how he got his name. He asked the chief, "Chief, how do we get our names?"

The Chief answers him, "We give names by what is outside of the teepee during ones birth.

"When your mom was born, it was a beautiful April day, so we named her BlueSky.
<...

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A legend of the Native Americans

While many people know of Sequoya, the Native American genius who developed the Cherokee alphabet, fewer have heard of another visionary – yet he made a discovery no less groundbreaking, owing nothing to the white man’s knowledge.

It fell out like this: In the early 1800s, a certain chief, ...

A cowboy challenges an renowned native american warrior to a bear hunt ..

The native guy accepts, so they pack up their tools. The cowboy takes 5 revolvers, 2 rifles and a bunch of knifes just in case. The native? Only one bow and just TWO arrows.

The cowboy is perplexed and has to ask:

Cowboy: "Are you sure 2 arrows are all you need?"

Native america...

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Many years ago a Native American and his son were talking about the things of life.

After a pause in the conversation, the son asks, “Father, how did you come up with the names for me and my siblings?”

He replies, “As soon as each of you were born, I went out from the teepee and the first thing I saw is what I named you each. For example, after your brother was born, I looke...

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When the new school year started, the history teacher was very excited because there were three Native American boys in her class.

She was beside herself with excitement. She asked the first boy to stand up and tell the class what tribe he is from and how he knows this.

The little boy stands up and proudly throws out his chest. He takes his fist and hits his chest, and says in a booming voice "I am a Cherokee. My father ...

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A billionaire hires a painter of murals to come to his mansion…

…when he gets there, he calls the painter in into a large room and shows him a plain white wall that’s 20 feet high and 50 feet across. He says to the guy, “I’ve always been fascinated by General Custer so on this wall I want you paint your interpretation of Custer’s last stand. I’m going out of tow...

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A white man comes across a Native American lying with his ear pressed against the ground between a pair of tire tracks.

“What’s going on?” the white man asks.

“White Chevy Tahoe. Four door. License plate XPV 14785. Has a Coexist bumper sticker,” replies the Native American.

“Wow, you can tell all that from just listening to the ground?”

“No, you idiot! That’s what the asshole who hit me was drivi...

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A Native American chief was teaching his son the history of their tribe.

“Father, how do we get our names?” asked the boy.

“Well son, you see, in our culture we are named in honor of the first ‘spirited ones’ our mothers see when the child is delivered.” explained the Chief.

“My father, Soaring Eagle was named for the great bald eagle that circled outside ...

A Native American boy is talking to his father...

And he says “Father, the other children at school are teasing me about my name!”

Father: “Son, your name is very special. In our tribe we name our children after a significant event that occurred during conception.

For example, when your sister Falling Water was conceived a torrential ...

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Native American Names

A Native American child was curious as to how he had received his name. So he went to speak to his father, the chieftain of the tribe.

"Father," he asked, "how is it that I acquired my name?"

The noble chieftain began a long narrative for his youngest son.

"Well, my son, I named...

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Do Native Americans have big dicks?

Because I heard that redwoods are HUGE!

Neil Armstrong and his team were training for moon expedition at a desert and met an old Native American

The native American asked : Can you do me a favour?

Neil Armstrong : Of course, what do you want?

Native : Please pass this important message to our holy spirits living on the moon

The native American started uttering the message in his tribal language and asked Neil Armstrong t...

A buffalo hunter and a Native American guide

One day when they were hunting the guide stopped, put his ear to the ground and listened, then said "Buffalo come"

The hunter asked "How can you tell"

The guide replied "Ear sticky"

The Native Americans were surprised to be colonised by Europeans

No one expects the Spanish Acquisition

Want to hear ancient Native American dirty joke?

Clean horse falls in mud

A Native American dies

A young Native American awakens in a meadow filled with lush grass tons of animals an overall paradise. Not sure where he is he wanders for a while. Suddenly he is approached by a man. The boy asks the man where he is. The man replies, "Well you died and this is the afterlife i am your deity". The b...

How Do Native Americans celebrate Columbus Day?

They walk into your house and say "We live here now"

What does the US’s Native American policy have in common with Anakin Skywalker?

They like slaughter not just the men, but the women and the children too

I hooked up with a very promiscuous native American.

I think I now understand why they call him "fire snake"

If you were to second guess your decision to book time at a native american community

That would be a reservation reservation reservation.

A native american man lived in the big city all his life.

Then one day his father dies. When he goes home to the reserve for the funeral, the people all nominate him to be the new chief, since he was a successful businessman and his father was a good chief. He accepts.

But then that autumn, they people come to him and ask him if it will be a cold w...

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A Native American's youngest son asked him a question

"Father, how did you get the inspiration for naming your children?"

The father smiled at him and replied, "Well, the moment that each of my children were born, I went outside the tent and the first thing I saw I named my child after. Like your brother, when he was born I rushed outside and sa...

Anyone heard of the fugawee native american tribe?

Famous for being terrible navigators, would climb the highest mountains where ever they would travel, look around and yell "where the fugawee!!"

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Do you know why Native American sex is so hot?

It's fucking in tents.

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What do you call a heterosexual Native American?

Straight savage, my dude.

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What do you call a Native American who's a habitual liar?

Shitting Bull

Pythagoras Was a Native American

On the banks of a river sat three Indian women, sitting on three different animal skins. On a deer skin was a woman with her son, and the son weighed 140 pounds. On a buffalo skin was another woman, and her son who weighed 160 pounds. And on a hippopotamus skin sat an immense Indian woman, who weigh...

My Native American friend from work invites me home to meet his wife.

When we arrived at his house his wife appeared in full traditional dress, she looked stunning. My friend introduced me and said *”I’d like you to meet my wife, five horses.”* I commented what a beautiful name that was and asked what the significance was?

*”Quite simple”* really he replied, *...

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There are more Jews than Native Americans...

I guess genocide is just one more thing Americans are better at than Germans

Have you heard about that new Native American rapper?

He calls himself Li’l Bighorn.

What do you call a Native American ghost who plays accordian?

Polkahauntus

Have you heard the one about the shy Native American?

He was quite reserved.

A native american chieftain is constipated and his medicine man is out of options.

So he tells him to ride to the nearest town and see the white man's doctor. The doctor asks what's wrong, but the Chief's english isn't that good, so he says "Big Chief, no fart."

The doctor gives him 2 cans of beans and a can opener. "Eat this for lunch, you'll be right as rain." The chief t...

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A Native American Man Walks Into a Brothel.

So a young native American man walks into a brothel. He walks up to one of the ladies working there and says

"I want to have sex sex"

The lady then says okay and she invites him into the room in the back. Naturally, she begins to undress and get ready. She waits for him to do something...

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Old Native American Chief

My grandfather walked onto a Native American reservation one day cause he heard that the tribe's Chief could remember anything.

He walked up to the Chief and said, "What did you have for breakfast on Saturday August 3, 1974?"

The Chief looked at him and said, "Eggs."

My grandfat...

Native American Chief and his 3 sons

One evening, a Native American chief sat down to eat dinner with his wife and three sons. The youngest son, asked his dad how he was named because his friend, Sharp Spear, told him that his name came from what his dad is known for- sharpening spears for the village men. The chief looked at his son, ...

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