UPJOKE
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Dumpty Jokes

Why did Humpty Dumpty push Ms. Humpty Dumpty off the wall?

To see her crack.

Humpty Dumpty always had a terrible summer.

At least he had a great fall.

What did French Humpty Dumpty say when he fell?

Oeuf.

What's the difference between Humpty Dumpty and the year 2020?

One of them had a great fall.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some amended Nursery Rhymes

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two chunks of bread.

Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
"Pies, you dick...

I got one of those Humpty Dumpty toys from Aldi.

It’s brilliant.

It comes with Aldi King’s horses and Aldi King’s men.

"I'm sorry, Your Highness, but we can't put Humpty Dumpty back together again!" said the King's man.

The King, who was drunk, replied, "Let the horses try."

Did you hear Humpty Dumpty’s egg business posted record profits in Q3?

He had a great fall.

Humpty Dumpty was smoking some drugs

With a few gangstas and fairy tale thugs

Then all the King's men slapped them in cuffs

All because they had a few too many puffs

Have you heard of this Humpty Dumpty guy?

He's not all he's cracked up to be; I heard he had a breakdown or something. His life is in pieces and feels like it's just one big yolk, now.

Am I the only one who finds the story of Humpty Dumpty....

...a bit too egg centric?

What was Humpty Dumpty's favorite month?

October... He had a great fall.

I’m not sure if “Humpty Dumpty” is a good nursery rhyme or not...

... I’m kinda on the fence about it.

What did Humpty Dumpty say to his girlfriend when she said they were breaking up?

Is this some sort of yolk?

Trumpty Dumpty

Trumpty Dumpty promised a wall

Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall

All the golf courses and all the white men

Couldn't Make America Great Again

Humpty Dumpty, grumpy parent edition

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty shouldn't've been there at all.

Humpty Dumpty wasn't very tall,

So Humpty Dumpty of course had a fall.

Don't let Humpty Dumpty tell a joke

He'll crack himself up

The king's ego really took a hit when he couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

His men were walking on eggshells.

One day in October, Humpty Dumpty went to the clothes store...

He picks out a nice sweater, a couple pair of socks, a coat, etc. He pays for them and leaves. He heads out and goes to get groceries, and buys milk, eggs, tuna fish, matches, and a single pumpkin. On his way home now, he sees a stray cat in the cold. Feeling charitable, he offers it some tuna fish,...

Why Humpty Dumpty so impartial about Christmas?

Because he's eggnostic...

Just tell me mate

Ight guys I wanna make this guy mine and he loves jokes so tell me your best joke .

Well since this is a joke community I will tell a joke so the post won’t get deleted .

Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?

Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

this might crack you up

Humpty Dumpty wanted to be cast as the lead for an upcoming remake of Casablanca. He made it through several rounds of auditions and was among the final pool of candidates.

At the end of the final day, the candidates joined the film staff in walking to a nearby Chinese restaurant for dinner.<...

Dad joke to his daughter

Daughter: How do they know Humpty Dumpty was an egg? They never mention that in the story.

Dad: You wouldn't understand sweety, it's an inside yolk.

Daughter: You crack me up Dad

Dad: Hey good one

Why was the egg not allowed to go near the trashcan?

Because he tried to Humpty Dumpty.

"I live life on the edge!"

-- Humpty Dumpty

What do you call a one-night stand?

Humpty Dumpty.

What do you call it when an egg sleeps with his girlfrind before breaking up with her?

Humpty Dumpty.

Did you hear about the most recent celebrity drug addict?

I Don’t know how we missed it for so long, but it turns out that Humpy Dumpty was actually a crack head

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