UPJOKE
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Roman Emperor Jokes

What do you call a Roman emperor with bad allergies?

Julias Snaesar

What mouse was a roman emperor?

Julius Cheeser

Which Roman emperor loved planes the most?

Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeroooo.
 

So I hit my coworkers with this one at work today, and they hated it. Never heard it before so not sure if someone else made it up first, but I'm sure you good peoples would know.

How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?

Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a Roman emperor say after having sex?

Veni veni veni!

What does a famous Roman emperor say when he wants a woman arrested?

Caesar

Marcus Aurelius was a Roman Emperor, a very smart man and ahead of his time.

A strict disciplinarian he hated when his soldiers drank on the job but had no way of policing it. Until he realised that the offending soldiers would urinate much more than the sober ones. So he started to measure the output of the soldiers. Do you know what he used to measure it?

Roman Urin...

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗡𝗮𝗺𝗲'𝘀 𝗙𝗼𝗻𝘁... 𝗖𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗰 𝗙𝗼𝗻𝘁.

The year was 2020.

By some miracle, Julius Caesar woke up in his grave.

Yes, the same dude from Ancient Rome who got whacked by Brutus and his buddies.

The stab wounds on his back had healed and he was alive again.

He dug himself out of his grave and looked at himself in...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This may be why Teachers retire early or turn to drinking: the following questions were in a (UK) GED (grade 12 equivalent) examination (they are genuine answers):

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head. Once an Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head.

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. In a democratic society, how impor...

Help! My dad wants to name my daughter

We just got confirmation that we'll be having a girl. As soon as my dad heard this, he insisted on naming her Joan.

I asked him why, and he said that he thought the world needed more people with interesting, history-based names. He used my name, Marc, as an example. He said that my name is b...

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