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Dead Man Jokes

What do you call a dead man from Finland?

Finnished

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three nurses working in a morgue discover a dead man with a hard on.

The first nurse says, "I can't let that go to waste", and rides him. The second nurse does the same.

The third nurse hesitates and explains she is on her period, but decides to ride him anyways.

All of a sudden the man sits up and and the nurses apologize explaining how that thought ...

There were three nurses in a morgue... They entered a room where they had discovered that there was a dead man laying on the bed with a hard-on. The first nurse was very forward and said, "Wow! I have never seen that before, I can't let that go to waste".

After saying this the first nurse sat and rode it.
The 2nd nurse did the same.
The third nurse explained that she couldn't as she was on her period.
After a bit of convincing she eventually rode it.
After 3 minutes the man woke up.
The Nurses said, "What the hell... You were dead a fe...

What do you call a dead man that was only 12 inches tall?

One foot in the grave.

How much does a dead man weigh?

*a skeleton*

What’s 2000 lbs to a dead man?

A Skele-ton

Happy Halloween everyone!

I found a dead man's photograph on the ground

Someone shot it

What is the difference between corona virus and a dead man?

One is a coughing fit, and the other one fits a coffin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw a dead man with a noose around his neck with his penis fully erect.

Needless to say, he was hung.

A man is at a funeral of an old friend. He approaches the dead man's wife, and asks if he could say a word. The wife says that yes, he could. The man stands up, clears his throat, and says "Plethora"

The wife smiles, and says "Thank you, that means a lot."

What do you call a zombie making stir-fry?

Dead man WOKing.

A mortician was working late one night...

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Sam, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Sam had the longest private part he had ever seen!

“I’m sorry M...

What do you call a Asian chef, who got zombified?

Dead man wok-ing

A man with no arms is homeless and looking for a job.

He goes to the pastor in his local church one morning and says:
"Pastor, I am in desperate need of work. Is there any kind of job you can give me, despite my obvious disability?"
The pastor, with a cheeky grin, points to the churches bell tower and says:
"You see that bell up in the tower? ...

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