Why did Czar Nicholas lose his children?

They were always Romanoff.\*

* Roamin' off.

I've never understood why there's Burger King but no Borscht Czar

After all, people who eat fast food are in a hurry... they're always Russian around everywhere.

When a landless Czar inherited a kingdom it was found to contain serfs.

He was peasantly surprised.

What do you call a Russian Tyrannosaurus Rex?

A DinoCzar!

An English kid and Russian kid were examining a beehive together.

English kid: See that one? We call that the Queen because it is the leader of the hive, just like the Queen is the leader of our country.

Russian kid: We call it the czar.

English kid: Well that’s a little bee czar.

The anti-phonetic alphabet

I've been making a list for months of words that can be used to deliberately confuse people over the phone when phonetically reading out letters. Some letters like L are tough so I just added funny words to say.

A - aisle

B - bdellium

C - czar

D - Djibouti, Django, djemb...

An old political joke from Imperial Russia (reign of Nicholas II)

A man yells in the street: "Nicholas is a moron!". He is taken away by the police on charges of lese majeste (insulting the monarch). He tells the policemen "Please let me go, I meant another Nicholas!". The police chief replies: "Do not lie. If you said 'moron', you certainly meant the Czar!"

Which Pokemon was appointed to head the department of agriculture?

Chard czar

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a homosexual supreme ruler with neither conservative nor liberal views?

Mod Czar Gay

A musician walks into a bar and orders a drink.

The bartender asks "Why the long face?"

"I play flute in a travelling orchestra" he said. "Last month, we played for the Ottoman sultan. He liked our performance and ordered to fill our instruments with sapphires. The cello got 1000 sapphires in, the drum got 2000 sapphires in, this piece of ...

A Russian Christmas joke...

There once was vicious Russian Czar named Rudolph the Red. On a cold winter day, he looked out his castle window and remarked to his wife, "I do believe it's raining." His wife replied, "Rudolph, It's far too cold for rain, it must be sleet or snow."

He yelled back angrily, "Impossible! Rudo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Face the Music

A man is walking around the streets of the city one day when he spies an old friend of his from college.

"George!" he yells. "I haven't seen you in ages! How have you been?"

"Well," George replies. "I am the Clarinet player for the International Orchestra."

"Spectacular!" the...

What's a Russian emperors favorite fish?

*CZAR-DINES*

What's a classic Russian sci-fi film?

Czar Wars

Topical Jokes for 10/16

(for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host)

Joe Biden’s son has been discharged from the Navy after testing positive for cocaine. Joe Biden contacted his son immediately and asked, “Do you have any left!?!”

New York has selected yogurt as the state’s official...

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