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Cosmo Jokes

My wife left me, Cosmo, after doing some trigonometry.

She saw a tan gent and chose sin over Cos'.

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A woman was reading Cosmo next to her husband…

“Walter,” she said.

Walter grunted; she continued “Let me read you this hot sex tip I just read in Cosmo. I think we should try it.”

“Girls, you know your boy toy has fun with you in the bedroom, and that he’s never going to complain. But even the hunkiest hunk can get tired of the...

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For years I’ve been hearing about how Cosmo’s Sex Tips changed peoples love lives for the better

Wanda must be one lucky lady!

Damn, boy are you Cosmo magazine?

cause you sure have issues with women

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I bought a Cosmo magazine that said "Best Sex Ever!"

All I got was a bunch of papercuts.

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So a reporter from Cosmo got a 1-on-1 interview with Melania Trump..

She asked Melania if she bleaches her asshole.

"Of course not," Melania replied, "he gets spray-tanned."

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Lady on a plane

Was reading Cosmo, and a guy sitting next to her asks her, "Are you reading anything interesting?" She says it says men with the longest penises are native American." He says that is very interesting. The lady says it also says Jewish men have the thickest penises. She says I'm sorry I didn't get ...

What do you call a failed astronaut?

A cosmo-NOT!

What do you call a person who beautifies space ?

Cosmo-tologist.

My flirtatious neighbor called me and said that she bought too many zucchinis and ended up making two cheese and zucchini pies. She said I was welcome to come over and take one, and she also had some left over herbs that I could have.

So I went over, and she told she had just finished reading a Cosmo article called "which traffic sign are you?"



"Which traffic sign would your ideal woman be?" she asked me seductively.



I said " Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with I just want your extra t...

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A woman is walking around a grocery store...

...completing her shopping list. When she finally collects what she came for, she makes her way to the cashier and unloads her basket onto the conveyer.

The clerk begins to ring up her items;
He grabs her container of mixed salad greens and passes it over the barcode scanner. 'BOOP' sou...

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A man is out of town on a business trip, and he decides to go looking for some action.

He finds and enters a bar, and is pleased to find that there are several good-looking women inside. Not just good-looking, actually, but beautiful, and all dressed to the nines in sexy outfits, made up to look their prettiest. It's what the Army calls a "target-rich environment". The only problem is...

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