Margarita Jokes - 27 Hilarious Margarita Jokes

I was drinking a margarita and the waitress screamed “does anyone know CPR?”

I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet” and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one guy.

Why is there a ring of salt around the rim of a margarita glass?

To keep the spirits from escaping.

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The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit blitzed, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape...

What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?

The margarita hits the spot every time.

-Hey Dad, why is my sister called Margarita?

-Because your mom likes that drink.

-Oh. Thanks dad.

-You’re welcome Bud.

Customer: "Could i have a margarita with light ice?"

Bartender: "I'm sorry, but all our ice weighs the same."

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[NSFW] A man walks into a bar by himself and orders 4 margaritas..

The bartender asks: "what's the occasion?"

"My first blow job" the man replies

"Congratulations" says the bartender " your 5th one is on the house"

"Thanks, Whatever gets this taste out of my mouth"

I took a taxi the other night

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and then topped it off with a margarita. Not a good idea.

Knowing full well I was at least slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a taxi home

Sure enough i...

Peter Parker and Tony Stark walk into a bar.

Bartender: what can I get for you today?

Tony: I’ll have a margarita, and the kid’s gonna get a Capri-Sun.

Peter: Mr. Stark I’m 21.

Tony:

Peter: I can order my own Capri-Sun.

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So a man orders a dozen margaritas.

A man walks into a bar and immediately orders a dozen margaritas.

The bartender says, "Wow, what's the special occasion?"

The man looks up at the bartender and says, "First blowjob."

The bartender says, "Ah, I remember my first blowjob. How 'bout an extra margarita on the house?...

Working on my spring/summer body

A gal walks into a bar and orders a skinny margarita. "Well my winter fat is finally gone!" she announces to the bartender. "Congratulations," the bartender says. "Thanks," the gal replies. "Now I have spring rolls."

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A politician, drug dealer, beekeeper, priest, doctor, lawyer, accountant, engineer, prostitute, programmer, nurse, chef, forensic analyst, biologist, truck driver and a writer walk into a bar

It is a big bar. Very big one. And empty, or at least it was empty until this large group of people entered it.

They all form a queue in front of the bar and order drinks one by one. The politician gets a Heineken, the drug dealer orders a Budweiser, the beekeeper gets a mead, the priest buy...

A guy walks into a Mexican restaurant and takes a seat...

A guy walks into a Mexican restaurant and takes a seat.

Before he gets to order a his food, the bowl of tortilla chips in front of him says "Hey, you're a handsome fellow."

The man tries to ignore the chips and orders a margarita.

The chips say, "Ooooh that drink is delicious....

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What do boobs and margaritas have in common?

One is not enough. Three is to many.

A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for "One Corona, two margaritas and......... a lemonade". The bartender replies "Sure, but why the big pause?"

The bear looks down and says "That's just the way I'm built".

A man went into a bar and sat infront of a bowl of pretzels...

"You have some very nice clothes" said the bowl of pretzels.

The man thinking he was hallucinating, ignored the bowl and called the waiter and ordered a margarita.

"Nice choice good sir" said the bowl of pretzels.

The man once again thinking he was hallucinating ignored the bowl...

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I went to the Worst Strip Club in Texas

There was only one other person there, a 80-something year old woman with flabby tits and makeup so thick it caked up around her eyes. She was sitting on the edge of the stage, smoking a rolled up cigarette between her dentures with her prosthetic metal hook hand.

When she saw me, she stood u...

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An old man walks into an empty bar

The young male bartender greets him and the old man says "Give me a margarita, virgin"
The bartender makes for him a margarita with no alcohol.
The old man spits it out and exclaims "What's this, virgin? Where's my tequila?"
Bartender says "well sir, a virgin margarita has no alcohol"
Ol...

What is O.J. Simpson's favorite drink?

Margarita, but he swears he never wanted tequila.

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A man falls ill and misses days of work

As his paycheck is short he is unable to stop at the cantina and drink with his friends, upset he kicks an OLD tequila bottle releasing a decrepit looking jin.

"I am the tequila genie," says the jin "As you have released me I owe you, but as you can see I have lost much power and can only off...

Drinking and Driving

I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving. This might save you the cost and embarrassment of being arrested for DUI. As you know, people have been known to have unexpected brushes with the authorities from time to time, often on the way home after a "so...

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The Mexican Restaurant.

I was working in South Texas on the border, and my coworker and I decided to drive in to Mexico to watch an authentic bullfight. It was in a small, semi-pro ring. We watched amateurs and semi pro matadors fighting, and actually killing, the bulls. It was brutally fascinating. The final fight was...

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Girls night out

Two women friends had gone for a "girls night out." They both were very faithful, loving wives... however, they had gotten a bit over enthusiastic on Margaritas at the Rio.

Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in a cemetery. One had nothing to wipe with so s...

I am sick

Once I was traveling from Mumbai to Singapore. A woman sitting next seat continued looking at me. I understood that this lady had never seen a Sikh person before.

Midway in the flight when the tea and snacks were served, I struck a conversation with the lady.

Her name was Mar...

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Dave is constantly bragging to everyone at work that he knows everyone in the world.

Eventually, his boss has had enough of his shit, and tells Dave to prove it. So, Dave says "sure, name someone, and I'll prove to you that I know them." After a minute of thinking, the boss suggests Tom Cruise, and so off they go to see him.

Once they arrive at Cruise's house, Dave knocks on...

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A woman was at the bar of a Mexican restaurant one night...

...when she saw a much younger man enter with some of his friends.

She went over to strike up a conversation with him. Though she was pushing 40, she was very attractive, and she could tell this barely 21-year-old man was into her. So she suggested that they go back to her place. The young...

A big man walks into a bar

A big man walks into a bar with a drop dead gorgeous woman on one arm & a little short man sitting on his other shoulder. He orders 2 double margaritas, pays with a $100 bill and tells the bartender to keep the change. As the bartender sets down the drinks the little short man jumps off the big ...

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