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Chocolate Bars Jokes

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A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar.

The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you."

The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five".

The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?"

"No" says the boy, "But he minded his o...

A lollipop asks a chocolate bars pronouns.

The bar says its prounouns are her/shey

Men are like chocolate bars

They’re sweet, smooth and head straight to your hips.

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Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench, eating six bars of chocolate.

A man walked up and noticed Johnny devouring the sweets.

“Son,” said the man, “eating too much candy isn’t good for you.”

“My grandfather lived to be 100,” Johnny replies.

“Did he eat six chocolate bars a day, too?” the man asks.

“No,” said Johnny, “He minded his own fuck...

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Six chocolate bars

An old man, sitting on his porch one nice day, sees a chubby little boy walk down the street to the store. On the way back the boy is carrying six chocolate bars, and proceeds to sit down not far from the old man's lawn, peel open the chocolate bar wrappers one by one and eat the candy inside. Whe...

Once a DOCTOR and an ENGINEER entered a chocolate store

Once a DOCTOR and an ENGINEER entered a chocolate store...

As they were busy looking around,
doctor stole 3 chocolate bars...

As they left the store, doctor said to Engineer :
"Man! I'm the best thief ever,
I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me. You can't beat that"

En...

I heard a joke about chocolate bars and it wasn’t that funny.

So I just snickered…

When it comes to stealing chocolate bars...

I have a couple twix up my sleeve

You have 30 chocolate bars. You eat 20 in 1 day. What do you have now?

Diabetes

My missus hates it when I put her chocolate bars in other chocolate bar wrappers.

It gets her Snickers in a Twix.

I always go shoplifting for chocolate bars using slight of hand.

I certainly have a few Twix up my sleeve.

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I have seven chocolate bars, and my friend takes two. What does he have?

A fucking death wish.

I can't help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars...

*snickers*

Back in the days, I used to go to the store with 1 dollar and come back with 2 chocolate bars

But nowadays they have cameras

Dad: Son, you know what? Back in my days, I walk in a store just with a single dollar and come home with a bag of potato chips and two chocolate bars.

Now they have cameras everywhere.

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My wife always cheats when shes dieting

She hides chocolate bars around the house and fucks other men...

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Life Lesson

A man sits down on a park bench next to a little boy. The man notices the boy is eating chocolate bars, one after another.

After a few minutes, the man says "You won't live very long, eating candy like that."

The boy replies, "I don't know, my grandfather lived to be 101 years old."<...

There was a new machine at the gym...

After using it for 30 minutes, I felt sick. Maybe I bought too many chocolate bars...

After 50 years of marriage. The wife let her husband to open the mysterious chest.

A couple was married for 50 years. And from the first day of their marriage the wife put a chest in their bedroom. It was a tough chest, impossible to open. 50 years the husband tried to open it, but nothing worked. The wife didn't tell him what was in there either. So at the 50th anniversary of the...

A kid is walking down the street looking slightly guilty, but mostly sick...

His mouth looks full of something. A guy sees him and walks up to him.
The guy says, “Hey kid, you don’t look too good. Did you get your hands on some chewing tobacco?”
The kid says, “No. I stole one of my mom’s sugar-free chocolate bars.”

New machine at the gym

There is a new machine at the gym. It's truly awesome! I almost puked after an hour, it really has it all.

Cookies, chocolate bars, chips, sodas.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day the bishop is not available, so the priest is in charge of the confessions

First woman comes in and says: ''Father I have insulted my husband.''The priest replies: "that will be 20 hail mary's and all will be forgiven.''

Next a man confesses: ''Father I have hit my wife.''The priest say: "A very serieus affair, 50 hail mary's and an apology to your wife."

Las...

Shopping for singles

I went to a small grocery shop. I am on my way to pay and look for a line. I suddenly notice one young and pretty cashier with almost empty line so I go for it. I start to unload my groceries on a tilt. One pack of hard cigarettes, 6 beers, frozen pizza, some bacon and chocolate bars.
The cashie...

2 guys walk into a chocolate shop

When they leave, one of them pulls 3 chocolate bars out of his pocket and tells the other, "no one can steal like me!"

The other guy tells him, "let's go back into the shop and I'll prove you wrong", so back in the shop they go.

They walk up to the cashier and the guy asks him if he wa...

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A priest is taking confessions

When he gets a sudden urge to use the bathroom. Not wanting to interrupt the lineup, he flags over the janitor and says " can you sit in for me for a 10 minutes, just flip through this sins book and dish out whatever penance is required. Easy peasy."
So the first confessioner comes in, a young...

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Emergency supplies.

Three friends decide to go on a luxury cruise around the world. On the third night, the ship suffer's catastrophic damage in a storm and begins to sink. The three jump overboard and cling to debris to stay afloat. The next morning, they awake to find themselves washed up on a nearby small island. Th...

A woman is going through the checkout line the night before Valentine's day

A woman is going through the checkout line the night before Valentine's day. She is placing her items on the belt: a TV dinner, a soap opera digest, 3 bottles of wine, and 3 chocolate bars.

The clerk looks and her and says "I hate Valentines Day...what about you, you must be single right?"...

The Good Old Days [long]

There was a little boy named Timmy whose grandpa came to visit. Grandpa said to Timmy “I’m so glad we get to spend some time together! Tell me, what would you like to do? We can do anything you want!”


Timmy replied, “To tell you the truth grandpa, my very favourite thing is to go to the...

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