I had a dream I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram

I was like 0mg

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Asked my dad to explain how big a thousandth of an inch is.

"when you go for a deep ass scratch and you look at your finger and sure it may look clean, but then you smell it."

A group of monks are responsible for hand-making new copies of the bible...

The entire monastery is devoted to the task, each day they all wake up and say their prayers before a humble breakfast and then they begin work. On the anniversary of creating his thousandth copy of the bible since he first joined the monastery two decades ago, brother Gray asks the abbot if he coul...

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette die and go to heaven...

There they are greeted by St. Peter who looks at them grimly.

"Unfortunately, heaven is quite full at the moment so you must all undergo a test to prove your worth. Before you all is the stairway to heaven totalling one thousand steps. On each step I will tell you a joke, they will get progre...

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Dad, is Santa real?

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the popul...

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Sam Loved Ninjas

Little Sam loved ninjas. He'd think about them all day and watch ninja movies all night.

He had a ninja costume, throwing stars, the whole shebang.

One day he's playing around and whacks himself in the eye with a nunchuck, he runs downstairs to his mum bawling "Mummy mummy mummy look...

A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks: “Why the long face?”

The man slowly sits down after another weary day of work. Tired, and bored of the question he hears daily.
He sighs, before answering “This is the thousandth time I have told told you. I feel like my life is a joke, and then continually retold to others and laughed at.”

“Funny,” the barten...

Grandad: hey Sonny, what's the name of that German?

Grandson: for the thousandth time grandad, it's Alzheimer

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