Captain Hook Jokes - 25 Hilarious Captain Hook Jokes

Where did Captain Hook buy his hook at?

The second hand store.

upvote

downvote

report

What did Wendy do when Captain Hook frightened her?

Peter Pans

upvote

downvote

report

What did Captain Hook say when he broke up with his girlfriend?

"It's not you, it's Smee."

upvote

downvote

report

What is Captain Hook’s least favorite online trend?

TikTok

upvote

downvote

report

What’s Captain Hook’s favorite style of comedy?

Deadpan

upvote

downvote

report

What social media does Captain hook hate?

Tik-tok

upvote

downvote

report

Why did Captain Hook post help wanted posters everywhere?

Because he was short-handed.

upvote

downvote

report

Captain Hook ordered a new prosthetic hand online.

It was off the hook

upvote

downvote

report

I feel sad that Captain Hook never made it to Admiral

I guess it didn’t Pan out for him.

upvote

downvote

report

Which type of shoes does Captain Hook avoid wearing?

Crocs

upvote

downvote

report

I read a joke about an alternate ending to Peter Pan where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter Pan back to London in a body bag.

Not very funny and quite dark, but it requires a dead Pan delivery

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Captain Hook is claiming that he was sexually assaulted by his first mate some years ago.

It's a classic case of he said, Smee said.

Captain Hook: arrrg I miss Vine. twas me fav'rite app

Smee: but capn! there's a new app! it aint exactly the same, but tis very similar!

Captain Hook: what's it called?

Smee: Umm

upvote

downvote

report

In 1985, new wave band, A-Ha, wrote a song for a new Broadway version of Peter Pan that was never used. In the musical, Tinkerbell was supposed to sing to Peter, urging him to try and fight Captain Hook’s right hand man with the intent of demoralizing Hook and his pirate crew...

Taaaaake oooooon Smeeeee

upvote

downvote

report

I asked Peter Pan how Captain Hook would vent his frustration.

"Beat Smee," he replied.

"Oh, sorry." I said. "I thought you'd know."

upvote

downvote

report

Peter Pan and Captain Hook agree to a truce. (LONG)

After years upon years of fighting, kidnapping/fairynapping, and pilfering, the two rivals decide to agree to a truce, as both are realizing that their hearts are no longer in the fight. They agree that Pan and the Lost Boys will stay mostly on the mainland, and Hook and the Pirates will stay out to...

upvote

downvote

report

Why does Captain Hook not have children ?

Because he once scratched his balls

upvote

downvote

report

How does Captain Hook warm his Greek food?

Pita Pan

upvote

downvote

report

TIL: Captain Hook ran an entire pirate ship.

He did it single handedly too.

He was a bit out of breath afterwards though.

upvote

downvote

report

In 1969, the Beatles originally wrote one of their hit songs for a Broadway version of Peter Pan. Captain Hook’s right hand man wanted to Broker a truce that would give Hook the ability to fly and give Peter and the Lost Boys safety from pirates. It ended with a big event where Hook and Peter flew..

Come together, right now... over Smee.

upvote

downvote

report

The Captain's Drink

Captain Hook, Captain Crunch, and Captain America walk into a bar.
Hook says, "Ahoy mates, I'll buy the first round. Just let me go to the bathroom real quick."
The others wait and when Hook comes back Captain America asks, "Hey Hook, how bout those drinks?"
Hook yells, "Shove it up yer sta...

upvote

downvote

report

Why did Peter Pan know he could beat Captain Hook in poker?

Peter knew Captain Hook had lost at least one hand.

upvote

downvote

report

What is Captain Hook's favorite kind of humor?

Dead Pan.

upvote

downvote

report

What's Captain Hook's favourite kind of shop?

The second hand shop.

upvote

downvote

report

The last joke I heard from my grandfather before he passed away. Paraphrased because it was so long ago. Still my favorite joke.

You know, I wasn't always the strong Christian man I am today. I was a little wild before I met your gram, but we all have club stories, right? Some better than others, but they're all an important part of our history. Anyway, one night I went out to a club. It was a weeknight, so it wasn't like it ...

upvote

downvote

report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.